Depression, self talk, and asking for what you need

[nswef]

Cl, sounds as if you've had 2 good days in a row!

[Chicken lady]

Yeah, dh noticed last night that I was doing better.

It is hard focusing on just one or two things each day.

[nswef]

Maybe with more success and feeling better at it, focusing on just a couple things a day might become a way of life.

[mschrisgo2]

CL, sounds like you are moving in the right-for-you-at-this-time direction, nice!

I find it easier to structure my days and I get more "done" when I have a task away from home... which directly conflicts with not wanting to be out driving in the traffic and craziness every day. Also, because there are savings in gas, etc. if I don't go out everyday, I tend to save errands until I have LOTS of them, then I totally burn myself out! This discussion has helped me clarify that, and realize I need to get some balance around it.

I used to make "weekend lists" of all the things I wanted/needed to get done, and even assigned times to fit them all in- then totally disregarded the timing but still got everything done. Now I have incomplete projects all over the place, and errands I "forgot" when I was out on Wednesday... can't seem to get a finish on anything, I guess because there is no "finish by" date.
Arg. A work in progress

[Chicken lady]

So the boy has gone off with his box of cookies, and I have an hour and a half until dh comes home from work.

i want to have gone over to my friend’s house and picked blueberries, but I cannot find the impetus to go.

i have measurements and a utility knife ready to cut the drywall for behind my shelf.

i skipped journaling this morning,

the laundry is ready to switch over,

there is plenty to do in the pottery studio,

and there are dirty cookie dishes.

i just spent 20 minutes watching a video and could easily repeat the action 4 more times - ending up exactly where I am now, but 80 minutes older and feeling worse about myself.

[Teacher Terry]

Sounds like fun making cookies with your grandson.

[Chicken lady]

It was. It’s always good to see him. He wants to come back in two weeks when we have new baby goats again. He’s growing up so fast!

I called dh. He said there were leftovers for dinner, so I should leave the dishes and go pick blueberries for however long I wanted. So I switched over the laundry and I went.

my friend was home, so we picked together and chatted. She says she likes picking better when she has someone to pick with. (I like visiting better when I have a thing to do, so I guess that was all good). I filled a gallon bucket before it started raining again, and she fed me a piece of cherry pie.

mschrisgo2, that is interesting about the errands. When I have to go somewhere, it is the lions chunk of my day. The going is really hard for me. So, it works well for me to schedule a whole bunch of things together. When I am working I try to put the errands in on the way home from work. Sometimes dh will call me and ask if I want to come meet him for dinner. If I am out, I am always happy - yes! Dinner! No cooking! But if I am home, I will often actually say “but i’m at home.” Sometimes I will be able to talk him into bringing me dinner. Sometimes I will tell him just to get something on his own. Rarely I will go. (Even more rarely I will choose to cook)

anyway, I will be nearly as tired from a trip to the grocery store as from a full day of Christmas shopping. The bulk of the energy is consumed getting into the car and going out. Then it’s just a question of how far I can get on momentum.

I have had “incomplete projects” all around me from the day I learned to stack a block on top of another block. I too respond better with “finish by” dates. I think part of my massive todo lists is trying to make room for my desires. If it is on the list, maybe I will do it. You would think that someone would do the things they want to do, but there are so many thing around me that have an external force, the internal ones get shunted aside, and even forgotten. “Oh! I meant to go out and wash the pottery bats so i’d be ready to throw today! I could have done that in the half hour I spent reading that gardening blog, but when I finished that e-mail for work, the blog was right there and it was shiny and distracting....”

dh says ways I am better.

today we take all the tires that were left on our property to the tire recycling day drop at the fire station.

just that.

my brain is pushing to make a huge long list. But just that.

and eating better and moving. I have to do something about this weight. I gained more this week and I feel awful. As in, physically, I can feel the size of my body affecting my range of motion, and I am getting short of breath when I do things.

[Tammy]

Chicken lady – I wonder if you are a seven on the Enneagram. Those people always want to do everything to the fullest and they have trouble saying no to anything because everything in life is so much fun!

If it would be fun for you, you could read “the wisdom of the enneagram“. That was my favorite book about personality structure of all the many that I’ve read over the years.

And that was the one book that spoke to me personally and helped me through an early midlife crisis in my late 30s.

[Tammy]

Actually the book I read might’ve benefitted the most from was “personality types“ by Riso and Hudson. But that other book is good too and I may have read that along the way…

[catherine]

Chicken lady – I wonder if you are a seven on the Enneagram. Those people always want to do everything to the fullest and they have trouble saying no to anything because everything in life is so much fun!

If it would be fun for you, you could read “the wisdom of the enneagram“. That was my favorite book about personality structure of all the many that I’ve read over the years.

And that was the one book that spoke to me personally and helped me through an early midlife crisis in my late 30s.

I've done my enneagram and I'm
#1: The Peacemaker
#2: The Helper
#3: The Investigator

Anyone else do one?