Page 5 of 12 FirstFirst ... 34567 ... LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 114

Thread: Depression, self talk, and asking for what you need

  1. #41
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,943
    CL, it just saddens me when you beat yourself up and say things like "I failed", when the original intention was way beyond what a mere mortal could be expected to do. Its good to have high expectations, but not when you use those as a club to harm yourself.

  2. #42
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    6,993
    Btw, I have just realized that a lot of this may be communication error. I realize I often comment on or complain about being tired or overwhelmed, and it is probably coming off as “I don’t want to have so many demands, I want to feel better” - solution, do less stuff. what I am actually saying is more along the lines of “it really pisses me off that I am stuck with a body and mind that are not capable of carrying out my desires” (the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak) solution? Probably “tough, get used to it.” I would rather have the stuff done and wish I wasn’t tired than be rested and wish the stuff were done.
    so I guess you are saying you just want to rant about being tired. Then rant on I guess. I think people try to help because they don't realize you are just letting off steam.

    And I think most people's solutions would be: live with the body/mind you have. And no it doesn't matter if someone else's body mind is objectively better even (that is to say if you have physical or mental health issues they don't) because you don't get to live in their body/mind. It's unfair if the world judges us by standards we simply can't meet, but hey the world and this culture are pretty messed up at present, really badly actually. But if we judge ourselves for standards we can't meet ...
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  3. #43
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,460
    I think I keep hoping that somebody will have a suggestion for improving the software/hardware problem, and all I get is “look, Siri is not going to make you a sandwich!” ����

    i really haven’t done much today. It’s been rainy all day and I am physically tired. I actually do tend to pay for the ups with downs, I just keep trying to move the average location of the line.

    by “not done much” I mean: made breakfast (did not make lunch because dh had a lunch meeting), did my chores (about an hour) partly emptied the dishwasher, washed and put away three cast iron pans, measured for the piece of drywall to put up so I can set up my doll shelf again some day, boiled potatoes and eggs for egg salad (which I did not make yet) ate breakfast and lunch, cleaned up in the studio for about 45 minutes, and read and posted online and watched videos. In 8 hours. So mostly i’ve been reading and watching videos.

    I wanted to have a fire for solstice, but - rain. The potato salad is intended for dinner, so that is time sensitive. I told the foodbank I would come today and I have a lot of eggs to wash and take. I need to pen the goat the 4h kid is using before he comes this evening because he is not able to catch the goat in the field. I currently have no interest in any of that, but I know I will feel better if I do it.

    i used to drink a lot of diet soda and run on caffeine and I quit because it was bad for me and days like this I question that choice. Although, as I am typing, I am thinking “Music. Tea. Turn the &@/* lights on...” (is the computer plugged in?)

  4. #44
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Saint Paul, Minnesota
    Posts
    5,113
    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady
    what I am actually saying is more along the lines of “it really pisses me off that I am stuck with a body and mind that are not capable of carrying out my desires” (the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak) solution
    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    That willing spirit, weak flesh situation is something I've thought a lot about lately, as I grow even more lame and sluggish in my dotage, but I'm a lot kinder to myself than I might have been in earlier years. I'm past flagellating myself for a perception of falling short.
    I've been reading the pages of this thread with interest. I actually have been on a little self-imposed "retreat" for the past couple of days because I've been finding my daily life continually less ... manageable? It's not a physical thing per se, though I get lots of reminders these days that I'm no longer 30 (or 40). I've done some research and the issue does not appear to be caused by depression, though general quizzes can offer only so much specificity. I've taken enough of them over the past few weeks...

    The "a-ha" moment of the past couple of days has been realizing more clearly that I hold many values, the priority of which often need to be juggled with each other (in part because they sometimes conflict) and that the ground upon which I'm juggling shifts by the day (sometimes even by the hour).

    I've never considered myself particularly "driven". I've seen what obsession does to others and my ego does not need that thankyewkindly. But I think all of us reach for more than we can grasp and we experience different levels of frustration in not getting all that we want. Especially when what we "want" is good for us and maybe even noble.

    I'd like to put 15,000 steps a day every day on a fitness tracker. But some of what I want to accomplish in a given day (that is, other values I want to honor) requires sitting still and concentrating enough to not be stepping around. Maybe I could have done that when I was younger but that's not the case today and I have to give myself that much room. I must be realistic in my goals and I must prioritize. I am hopeful that, later, I don't look back and say to myself, "Why did I spend so much time on that sedentary task when I could have been more active?" I am hopeful that, in the end, what I accomplished in the sedentary task was worthwhile. Sometimes it's impossible to know for sure. Sometimes what's accomplished isn't even done directly for me -- it's done for someone else as a way to honor their value to me (though, in a way, what I'm doing for others I'm doing for myself).

    I have to be better at "forgiving" myself my limitations of time, energy (physical and mental), and (sometimes) money. It's not that X always has a higher value than Y -- because sometimes it doesn't and who could quantify that anyway? (Add in the Z value of me liking to cross things off my to-do list, magically enhancing whichever of X or Y can help honor that value.) If X didn't happen because Y needed to be addressed today, I should not make excuses. I made a reasoned judgement. At least more of Y happened even though more of X did not. I don't have to like it, but that is how the record stands.

    I sense I'm rambling a bit and yet I need to move on to some other things at the moment. I hope this helps this conversation along. I know reading this thread certainly has helped me.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  5. #45
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,460
    Hey Steve, you want to come drink a cup of tea in a kitchen with corn chips on the floor?

    This:

    I hold manyvalues, the priority of which often need to be juggled with each other (in part because they sometimes conflict) and that the ground upon which I'm juggling shifts by the day (sometimes even by the hour).

    I've never considered myself particularly "driven". I've seen what obsession does to others and my ego does not need that thankyewkindly. But I think all of us reach for more than we can grasp and we experience different levels of frustration in not getting all that we want. Especially when what we "want" is good for us and maybe even noble.

  6. #46
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,460
    And also this:

    Sometimes what's accomplished isn't even done directly for me -- it's done for someone else as a way to honor their value to me (though, in a way, what I'm doing for others I'm doing for myself).

    I have to be better at "forgiving" myself my limitations of time, energy (physical and mental), and (sometimes) money. It's not that X always has a higher value than Y -- because sometimes it doesn't and who could quantify that anyway? (Add in the Z value [.....] If X didn't happen because Y needed to be addressed today, [….] I made a reasoned judgement. At least more of Y happened even though more of X did not. I don't have to like it, but that is how the record stands.
    which almost made me cry.

  7. #47
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Saint Paul, Minnesota
    Posts
    5,113
    Sure, Cl, yeah! I promise I won't look around much.

    It took until today for this to crystallize for me. Now, how that revelation turns into some sort of action plan or day/week template so I at least can plan to get stuff done rather than leave X and Y to fight it out among themselves and the other letters daily, well, that's another deal -- and it could be kind of messy. But better that than utter chaos.

    And at least now I know why I'm not getting everything done that I wanted to do, which, in turn, makes me feel better about what I am making progress on. That does not mean the stuff on my to-do list is exempted from an evaluation of whether I should do it at all; sometimes new needs crowd out old ones and sometimes there just isn't the facility to make something happen with any reasonable effort on my part. But this helps me a lot.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  8. #48
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    1,049
    Having had 2 very serious thyroid crisis in the 90s, the 2nd so severe I wasn't sure I would live........I have absolutely no trouble putting myself first. I say no when I don't have the energy. I turn down invitations with a simple "I am sorry, but I already have a commitment"....which may simply be to spend downtime at home with hubby. DH and I share the chores of maintaining our home and the rest of our lives. We negotiated this early in our relationship. He is very understanding and supportive.

  9. #49
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    5,865
    CL, what works for one person does not work for another. I have learned that none of my suggestions are right for you. That is okay as we each have our own path.

  10. #50
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,460
    So I did do the potato salad, and wash the eggs, and pen the goat up, and go to the food bank.

    and the 4h kid didn’t come because his mom decided not to bring him in the rain.

    but we ran out of eggs at the food bank and I was glad I had added mine.

    and I went to bed early, slept well, and woke up ten minutes before my alarm.

    today my heartgrandson is coming over and we are making cookies. That is my whole afternoon goal/plan.

    this morning it is chores and clean up the kitchen/catch up on dishes so I can make cookies with heartgrandson. And maybe laundry.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •