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Thread: Depression, self talk, and asking for what you need

  1. #31
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I must be immune to the seductive call of karoshi; I've never embraced the need to be accomplishing something meaningful every minute of the day. I'm quite content to read--and even nap--amid the mess. I schedule myself a couple of small tasks each day--ten minutes doing yardwork, for example, or a load of laundry--then return to my leisurely existence. I recognize that I have the luxury to do this, and it's one of the things I'm thankful for. I've never been an energy-filled, flea on the griddle type person, and I'm sure most of you would disapprove, but I doubt any afterlife is going to judge me by my work output--and if it is, too bad. What I'm trying to say is, no matter how it's being used these days, "driven" is not a compliment.
    Last edited by JaneV2.0; 6-21-18 at 10:14am.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    I must be immune to the seductive call of karoshi; I've never embraced the need to be accomplishing something meaningful every minute of the day. I'm quite content to read--and even nap--amid the mess. I schedule myself a couple of small tasks each day--ten minutes doing yardwork, for example, or a load of laundry--then return to my leisurely existence. I recognize that I have the luxury to do this, and it's one of the things I'm thankful for. I've never been an energy-filled, flea on the griddle type person, and I'm sure most of you would disapprove, but I doubt any afterlife is going to judge me by my work output--and it it is, too bad. What I'm trying to say is, no matter how it's being used these days, "driven" is not a compliment.
    As noted earlier, people find things to do that do not need to be done. Someone here said it makes them feel important. I, too, enjoy sitting with a good book and a cup of tea. It feeds my soul.

  3. #33
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    I had to look up “Karoshi” I think that is more about your career.

    i keep running into this accusation that I am thinking up unnecessary things to do, that I want to be so busy. Please stop. Because I assure you, I enjoy a book and a good cup of tea as much as the next person. And I see absolutely no value in being busy just to be busy. I don’t think it makes anyone better, or more important or more impressive.

    i have too much to do because I want too many things.

    dh aunt (who is now my favorite aunt) once told me a story about her 12 y.o. son informing her “I don’t have to do that!” And her reply was “you are right. All you have to do is die. Every action you take or don’t take between now and then is your choice. And you live with the consequences.”

    i know that I do not have enough hours left in my life to do everything I want to do. That I will never have everything I would like to have. But I am still trying to maximize. And because I have a brain that is nonlinear and easily distracted, I have to start with my goals, work backwards, make a list, and do as much as I can, prioritizing as I go. When you tell me I don’t need to be so busy, or I am making up things I don’t need to do, what I hear is “the things you want and value are wrong. Having or doing them is worth less than doing this other thing that you do not value.” So please stop. I do know that sometimes I have to rest in order to continue. More often than I want, and when my will is stronger than my body - more often than I do. And then my body gives out on me and I get angry and sad.

  4. #34
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Sounds driven to me; it is demonstrably not making you happy.

  5. #35
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Reading how your brain works was interesting. I am so glad that mine is not like that and is in fact very organized. The only time in my life where I was as busy as you are is when I had 3 kids, going to college full time and working part time but I was young. Now that I am older I definitely am having less on my to do list.

  6. #36
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    I like the Dr. Phil question, and now I am reminding myself to apply it to my own situation, which has been in flux, and I have been so unhappy since my parents became so ill, and I have been trying to meet the demands of five sets of family members:

    "How's that working out for you?"

    Lately, not so well! So take a look at his article that I found when I googled his catchphrase, I thought it was helpful for me:

    http://www.oprah.com/spirit/dr-phil-...-for-you_1/all

  7. #37
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    How’s it working out for me:
    the important personal relationships in my life are strong
    my job is the best it has ever been
    my body is in better shape than it was when I was in my teens, but I think I peaked in my 30s.
    my home has gone from an overcrowded building I hated to a place I love and feel comfortable and safe and able to have people I care about.
    since the kids moved out I have not managed to bring the garden/livestock back to a manageable equilibrium, but I am still working on it. This year I scaled back heavily on plants. It makes me sad that I do not have a garden, but it slipped down the priority list
    my role as a potter is expanding in my life and I find that enjoyable and rewarding.
    the hoarding behavior has gotten much better.
    i still struggle with episodes of depression. It manifests as despair more often now - when I was a teenager, it manifested more as anger.
    i am more likely to respond to these episodes with positive self care behavior and requests for help, rather than self loathing and denial or actual self destructive actions.
    my reach still exceeds my grasp.

    i’d say It’s working out ok.
    i intend to live to be really old. I’ll read on the porch when I have fewer choices. If I die suddenly and miss that part I do not believe I will be capable of regrets afterward.

  8. #38
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    Btw, I have just realized that a lot of this may be communication error. I realize I often comment on or complain about being tired or overwhelmed, and it is probably coming off as “I don’t want to have so many demands, I want to feel better” - solution, do less stuff. what I am actually saying is more along the lines of “it really pisses me off that I am stuck with a body and mind that are not capable of carrying out my desires” (the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak) solution? Probably “tough, get used to it.” I would rather have the stuff done and wish I wasn’t tired than be rested and wish the stuff were done.

  9. #39
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I want to exit this life having done some good and having enjoyed myself; any lofty ambitions I may have had dissipated long ago.

    I figure this life is for experiencing certain circumstances and growing from them.

    I once characterized my mind as like a shape sorter or Magic 8 Ball. I ask a question or search for a name, and it comes up either instantly or "in a while." I'm generally scattered as opposed to organized, but I'm OK with it.

  10. #40
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    Btw, I have just realized that a lot of this may be communication error. I realize I often comment on or complain about being tired or overwhelmed, and it is probably coming off as “I don’t want to have so many demands, I want to feel better” - solution, do less stuff. what I am actually saying is more along the lines of “it really pisses me off that I am stuck with a body and mind that are not capable of carrying out my desires” (the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak) solution? Probably “tough, get used to it.” I would rather have the stuff done and wish I wasn’t tired than be rested and wish the stuff were done.
    That willing spirit, weak flesh situation is something I've thought a lot about lately, as I grow even more lame and sluggish in my dotage, but I'm a lot kinder to myself than I might have been in earlier years. I'm past flagellating myself for a perception of falling short.

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