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Thread: Fat Acceptance/Fat Pride Movement

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    So what qualifies as shaming?

    If a slim and trim gal points at a a big gal a few steps away from her on the sidewalk and says: "You are a fatty!" would that be shaming?

    If a guy is having a conversation with friends and acquaintances says "I am not attracted to fat women; they disgust me" is he shaming big gals?

    Suppose a personal trainer, a ripped fitness guru type tells a group of trainees that being fat is unhealthy and makes them less attractive by most folks' standards, is that shaming?

    I ask these questions sincerely. Keep in mind that I am on the fat side of life and that my significant other is plus-size.
    1. Yes
    2. He should word it positively, e.g. "I am attracted to slender women"
    3. The guru should avoid the use of the word fat, but instead talk about achieving a healthy weight, and how that will also make people feel better about themselves and project a better self-image

  2. #22
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    Shaming, imo, is when you say something with the intention of making someone feel bad. It could be something like calling someone a name ("fatty") or phrased as a question such as "should you really be eating that?" or checking out someone's supermarket cart at the checkout line with a disapproving face.

    Expressing a preference outside of earshot of a person in that population is not shaming (but depending on what you say, could still be offensive/rude).

  3. #23
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    The example of a slim girl pointing at an overweight one and saying “you’re a fatty!” Is definitely shaming. It’s a deliberate attempt to make her bad about herself.

    If you walk behind a fat man and say, deliberately loud enough that he can’t help hearing you “why doesn’t that fat pig just kill himself? I’d rather die than look like that!” That is shaming.

    When a fat girl has clearly gone to a lot of trouble - beautifully groomed, well dressed - and you say “why waste time and money in on clothes? You need to go on a diet” - that’s shaming.

    I think we all know what shaming is. It’s born of malice and a desire to hurt.

  4. #24
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    Suzanne, I would think the same thing if I saw all that stuff in a thin woman's cart......purely in a "health" way. And it's extra disconcerting if there's a child in the cart.
    I'm overweight myself, but I eat really healthily most of the time. Does "shaming" include our own private thoughts too?

  5. #25
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    Not always.

    sometimes it’s born of a desire to help:
    ”so-and-so is such a pretty girl, it’s a shame she’s so heavy.”
    ”If you lost a few pounds this would look gorgeous on you.”
    ”you really shouldn’t wear those pants.”
    ”that’s not a good look on you.”
    ”this dessert is sugar free.”

    all of thise comments can make someone feel feel bad about the way they look.

    my heartdaughter and I had a conversation the other day because I commented that I needed to incorporate more movement into my day now that I wasn’t teaching because “when I sit a lot, my mood goes down and my weight goes up.” She said “i’m more worried about the first one.” And I said “i’m Equally worried about both - they feed off of each other, and they are both health concerns, and actually the weight is probably worse, because right now my knees hurt all the time, so I want to sit, so that is a primary contributor to both. And I want to put off knee replacement as long as possible.”

    and she said “I should have more of that attitude toward my weight. I keep working on “body positivity”, but I should be working on “body is healthy and feels good.”

  6. #26
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    1. Yes
    2. He should word it positively, e.g. "I am attracted to slender women"
    3. The guru should avoid the use of the word fat, but instead talk about achieving a healthy weight, and how that will also make people feel better about themselves and project a better self-image
    So you think one kind of shaming is okay, but another is to be condemned?
    “I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  7. #27
    Senior Member KayLR's Avatar
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    IMHO, if the comment is meant to be demeaning--and has the secondary benefit of making the speaker feel superior--then that is shaming.

    I told another woman my age the other day that I felt she was engaging in shaming because she and a few of her friends were "discussing" how women who colored their hair are doing something bad. That they were not "going gray gracefully." It was really getting to be snobbish. Frankly I don't care what anyone does with their hair if it makes them feel better about themselves. Not everyone's gray hair comes in with the beauty of Emmylou Harris.
    My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already!

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    So you think one kind of shaming is okay, but another is to be condemned?
    As herbgeek said, expressing a preference outside of earshot of someone is not shaming.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    As herbgeek said, expressing a preference outside of earshot of someone is not shaming.
    Okay, "within earshot" is imprecise. Can you give me a certain number of feet or yards difference?

    So if a woman says: "I am not attracted to short men" and a short man hears it, then it is short shaming?

    What if a woman says to a man of average height who asks her on a date "I prefer tall men. No thanks."

    I went to a comedy club a few years ago. The comedian did this bit where he referred to a trans-woman's surgically-created vagina as a "cock pocket" because the surgery involves turning the penis inside-out.

    Was this shaming of trans-women?

    For the record: I did not laugh at that joke. I found it distasteful.

    Suppose a lesbian is hanging around a group of straight guys and she says "I am only attracted to women. If you have male equipment, I am not interested!" is she straight-shaming?
    “I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  10. #30
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    Oh, all the poor shamed brunettes because "gentlemen prefer blondes".

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