This isn;t like a vacation or even another kind of illness so I really don't know what I am supposed to do. On Friday I was not able to do much functioning most of the day so there was no thought about it. Today I am doing better, as soon as I think about work I start to get anxious and have stomach aches.
I just wonder if there is any room for me in how our business is changing, however I do feel that my skills and way of working is very much needed. I just know when people get into deep details and keep pushing on those so much I get super stressed. Meanwhile in the middle of everyone pulling together the practical stuff while I was in distress I was able to go to a special needs aide, help her with 2 kids, including a child who had pooped in his pants, and all that was fine and I felt strong and capable of it. Then I walked back into the room of everyone and they are throwing questions at me, things I could answer but not like that.
I feel that we need SERIOUS training on how to listen and respect. I was trying my best to tell everyone I needed something calmer or easier for summer. I knew I was tired. I offered to take vacation time for any day they didn't need me to sub somewhere. Maybe it wasn't clear enough, I was reluctant to say I actually needed leave without a total break down.
And I don't blame them because they simply needed someone at this site and I am experienced. I was saying that all my camps have been super successful over the years and now I can't say that. But it was too much. So now I wonder if anyone would want to work with me again, it seems like the 2 male supervisors were trying the same style (one was warm and understanding however, he heard over the phone when I was not okay, just super stressed by the overall situation) which is to get into deep detail and track success like that. My brain works different, and I again feel like there is no place for that in the workplace. Even though creative ideas are likely to flow out of this different brain often.
I get into the counselor tomorrow so he can probably help me figure these things out.