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Thread: Self-confidence in a shaming culture

  1. #21
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Those of you in lily white ‘Burbs of low crime can sit back and make fun of proactive people who pay attention to their surroundings like those here in Murder Cityand who report anomolies, go ahead! I would prefer that you not move to my neighborhood, we need active people here.
    I'll match my "in the 'hood" for yours. We are within the city limits of Saint Paul (not by a little) and the housing here costs nowhere near what it does in the "demand" neighborhoods. Most of the crime is petty stuff but there still are dangers such that I would not want to be on the streets of this neighborhood at 11:30 or later unless I had to be.

    I still have no use for people kvetching on-line about snow removal deadlines or whether someone has a lot of boxes visible through the windows of their three-season porch. Want to do something positive? Roll your snowblower (or send your kids) over to where the people with three jobs live and just clear their sidewalk for them for once. The landlord who can't be bothered to clean up his/her property? There's a much better place to complain and get action than social media sites. Hate that Neighbor Jones doesn't bring his recycling bin in for a couple of days after collection? Pick it up once in a while and put it by his house. It obviously does not bother him.

    There's nothing wrong with neighborhood vigilance. There's nothing wrong with wanting a neighborhood to look good (or cleaner or more kept up). But b!tching about it on sites like Nextdoor really only makes a self-selected group of people with free time feel better and concentrate on petty details. The old folks and the persons working rotating shifts and the slumlords -- they're not reading that forum.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  2. #22
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SteveinMN View Post
    I'll match my "in the 'hood" for yours. We are within the city limits of Saint Paul (not by a little) and the housing here costs nowhere near what it does in the "demand" neighborhoods. Most of the crime is petty stuff but there still are dangers such that I would not want to be on the streets of this neighborhood at 11:30 or later unless I had to be.

    I still have no use for people kvetching on-line about snow removal deadlines or whether someone has a lot of boxes visible through the windows of their three-season porch. Want to do something positive? Roll your snowblower (or send your kids) over to where the people with three jobs live and just clear their sidewalk for them for once. The landlord who can't be bothered to clean up his/her property? There's a much better place to complain and get action than social media sites. Hate that Neighbor Jones doesn't bring his recycling bin in for a couple of days after collection? Pick it up once in a while and put it by his house. It obviously does not bother him.

    There's nothing wrong with neighborhood vigilance. There's nothing wrong with wanting a neighborhood to look good (or cleaner or more kept up). But b!tching about it on sites like Nextdoor really only makes a self-selected group of people with free time feel better and concentrate on petty details. The old folks and the persons working rotating shifts and the slumlords -- they're not reading that forum.
    Well, I agree if is it just bitching, just online “activism” because that is mostly useless.

    But sometimes it is a person actually thinkng he will “educate” others by posting behaviors on Nextdoor.

    Today a neighbor behind us complained that more and more neighbors are parking in our alleys, forcing him to squeeze by them and causing him to drive on the side of the alley where there are nails. He got nails in his tires.

    I am not sure his idea is correct, that the alley edges are covered with nails.But, DH is one who parks for hours at a time in the alley, so I will have DH read this and take (or not) appropriate action.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Those of you in lily white ‘Burbs of low crime can sit back and make fun of proactive people who pay attention to their surroundings like those here in Murder Cityand who report anomolies, go ahead! I would prefer that you not move to my neighborhood, we need active people here.

    oh and
    Jane, my neighborhood is debating bringing lawsuit against my next door neighbor for the sorry stste of his house. years of neglect on his property, including weeds.

    I have had actual conversations with him a few times about this, so it isnt as though we havent brought it to his attention. i am sick and tired of his neglect. He has the money, the skills, and the time to fix up his house.
    I live in a nice neighborhood but it is also in the city, more recently gentrifying. We lock, watch out and are aware of danger. Mostly I see the impact at work with our lock down drills and actual lock downs/outs. We have several a year for various reasons. It is pretty present.

    So I also get annoyed, I got on Next Door in my old neighborhood to sell or give furniture. There are actual reports of potential danger there, again nice neighborhood but in the city. Things like cars parked too long and oddly, people who peeked in windows late at night, and of course what routes to take home if there is a police action in the area.

    God I hated those other types in the suburbs. I was a single mom with 2 jobs, I cut down some bushes and then went to work on the weeds which took a couple weeks. In one week I had a warning on my door. My friend got snow shovel warnings when she had cancer.

  4. #24
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    All I've seen on Nextdoor are lost/found pets, coyote warnings, for sale, extreme weather warnings and looking for recommendations. The area that is defined as my neighborhood doesn't seem all that local either. It is spread across 3 towns, which probably gives it a different vibe. It wouldn't seem like a logical place to complain about someone's lack of property upkeep.

  5. #25
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    Suzanne,
    One suggestion: put yourself in the shoes of someone you admire, and imagine how they would respond. Whether it's a relative, or someone you know through the news or elsewhere, if that person would not allow others' opinion of their weight or other characteristics to affect them, then you can channel that same attitude. Fake it til you make it, as they say.

  6. #26
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    But sometimes it is a person actually thinkng he will “educate” others by posting behaviors on Nextdoor.

    Today a neighbor behind us complained that more and more neighbors are parking in our alleys, forcing him to squeeze by them and causing him to drive on the side of the alley where there are nails. He got nails in his tires.
    So is it illegal to park in the alley? Or is it just inconvenient? Where do the nails come from (they don't appear in our alleys)? Without context, it's hard to know if this is "education" or "bellyachin'".
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post

    Today a neighbor behind us complained that more and more neighbors are parking in our alleys, forcing him to squeeze by them and causing him to drive on the side of the alley where there are nails. He got nails in his tires.

    I am not sure his idea is correct, that the alley edges are covered with nails.But, DH is one who parks for hours at a time in the alley, so I will have DH read this and take (or not) appropriate action.
    I always get tire insurance, it has saved me so many times with nails! Still if it happens a lot that is a pain.

  8. #28
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    We love living in town in a nice neighborhood that has had burglaries, etc. We belong to next door and sometimes people act crazy but I like lost animals to go home and like to know what is going on. When our big dog dies we will get a burglar alarm. People will blame the homeless when homes get robbed and that makes me laugh. More likely it is people with cars.

  9. #29
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    I'll match my "in the 'hood" for yours. We are within the city limits of Saint Paul (not by a little) and the housing here costs nowhere near what it does in the "demand" neighborhoods. Most of the crime is petty stuff but there still are dangers such that I would not want to be on the streets of this neighborhood at 11:30 or later unless I had to be.
    I'm having a hard time imagining Saint Paul being dangerous. Makes me laugh. But perhaps there are parts of it I don't know that are horrific, for all I know.

    Living alone, I've chosen safe neighborhoods

    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    People will blame the homeless when homes get robbed and that makes me laugh. More likely it is people with cars.
    well of course some homeless have cars. They live in them! And yes that's technically homeless. I don't think most homeless in cars or out are committing robberies though.

    The homeless guy living in a car right outside my apartment has moved. Good, I was too kind to turn him to the apartment manager (besides I kinda suspect some people in this building know) and he was no danger to anyone, but I'm glad he's not here anymore!
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  10. #30
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ApatheticNoMore View Post
    I'm having a hard time imagining Saint Paul being dangerous. Makes me laugh. But perhaps there are parts of it I don't know that are horrific, for all I know.
    "Dangerous" and "horrific" are relative terms. What is considered dangerous here would not make a native New Yorker bat an eye, but it is a sufficiently high level of crime exposure for here. There's a bike trail running part of the perimeter of the neighborhood that often has homeless people living along it. Not that all homeless people are dangerous, but some of them have documented "issues" and most of us would rather not disturb them. They also leave a mess. The crime blotter in the newspaper lists muggings/robberies/assaults, typically falling between around 10:30 pm and 5:00 am; while some (I'm sure) are related to local bars and, therefore, not random, some also are related to a shelter that's about a mile away; those are a little more random.

    It's not a matter of risking your life every time you step out the front door. But I do think about walking three blocks from the community center carrying my laptop (in a less-than-totally-obvious case) when I meet with someone there and I walk the lit streets rather than the quieter ones close to our house.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

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