Self-confidence in a shaming culture

[catherine]

It's not a matter of risking your life every time you step out the front door. But I do think about walking three blocks from the community center carrying my laptop (in a less-than-totally-obvious case) when I meet with someone there and I walk the lit streets rather than the quieter ones close to our house.

My family and I have had two incidents in which three computers and an iPad were stolen--in Burlington, VT. You would never expect it! But Burlington is a very diverse city in many ways. I had a computer stolen out of my car right in the middle of town, and in another incident my son was sleeping late when he thought he heard someone say "Hello?" He thought it was his brother or a friend and he was still in a twilight state so he didn't respond--until he heard the person going room by room through the house. Luckily the thief never entered my son's room, but he made off with my son's computer, which he had left downstairs, as well as my other son's and his wife's computer and iPad.

Ironic.. I've lived in NJ, with car and house doors unlocked--at least during the day, for 30 years and never had anyone rob me.

[iris lilies]

So is it illegal to park in the alley? Or is it just inconvenient? Where do the nails come from (they don't appear in our alleys)? Without context, it's hard to know if this is "education" or "bellyachin'".

I dont know if it is illegal to park in the alley, but I doubt it.

I talked with DH on our long car ride to Des Moines, and he said he parks evenly with the trash dumpsters, so there is no doging his car. He thinks the complaining neighbor is talking about another situation.

[Simone]

Recently I read in George Lakoff's book, Moral Politics, about the lingering impacts of American children being reared in a style that is authoritarian-parent-ruled versus nurturant-parent-nurtured. It got me thinking about the shaming, and how it can manifest in violence among young males.


One resource is a 6-week Coursera on-line course, "Positive Psychology", through the University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill, I will link to below. The presenter is Barbara L. Frederickson, who earned her Ph.D at Stanford. You can read the syllabus and decide if it interests you. Course starts up again July 2.

http://www.coursera.org/learn/positive-psychology

Want to recommend Coursera. I completed a free course with Robert Wright. It was worth the effort.

[catherine]

I thought of this thread when I saw this poem by Maya Angelou this morning.

"Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
’Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise."

[JaneV2.0]

I thought of this thread when I saw this poem by Maya Angelou this morning.

"Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
’Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise."

What a coincidence--I was just contemplating getting a t-shirt with "But still i rise" on it for my relative who is recovering from a stroke. I like the sentiment.

[Gardenarian]

What a great poem! Thank you.

I mostly like Nextdoor, but people do get in a tizzy about little things. I posted a description of someone driving recklessly and caused a tempest. Honestly, someone putting other people's lives in danger? I'd string the license plate number on a banner across Main Street if I knew it. Some shame is earned.

The shaming we don't earn, from simply being different or born to the wrong parents or just bad luck - that doesn't belong to us. I went to therapy for a while in college and it really helped me sort those feelings out. Glad I went while I was young!

Confidence seems to be a combination of nature, nurture, good luck, grit, and experience. I'm glad my stars we're aligned to make me a confident person now - never to late to have a happy childhood ☺️