kinda freaking out

[Zoe Girl]

Medium freaking out I guess, I realize that how this year has gone I have literally NO CLUE how it is going to go to return to work. Before I broke down and left I was already back in that loop with supervisors of telling them things that they conveniently forgot or didn't help with, then being told I didn't take care of things. One was printing registration cards, I told summer sup that I was having difficulty, asked him if he could log in but he said that he didn't have a log in (not true). I then kept schlepping around the office until I finally found someone who would help me use their log in. I get an email a few days later saying he understood I had not printed the registration cards where I reminded him that I had, and I needed the new ones but was still having the problem. So everyone assumed that I just was not capable enough to do the 5 step directions, but really I was set up in the system different and it was a high level fix to solve it. I can tell when people think I am stupid, maybe because I am the one with white hair.

I have been left in so many difficult situations this year with little to no support, but in the end the supervisors seem to be supported and more of this goes towards the overall impression that I suck. My counselor kept on reminding me that I have done this job well for 8 years, but it will still really come down to the department's attitude. Yes my job is protected but if they think I cannot perform the essential job duties they don't have to give me the exact job back, just a job. I am applying for other jobs, and I do believe I was in an impossible situation, however I know that if I am taken out of my current position for this it will be devastating with a significant recovery.

[iris lilies]

Stop obsessing.

If you didnt have appropriate login authorization to do X, relate that to supervisor. Not your fault, it is over.

Work life is made up of hundreds of details like this, and you will make mistakes as will everyone you work with.

[Zoe Girl]

Yes, it will.

Part of my diagnoses is obsessing, I have 11 more days until the medication is considered effective,

I am going to clean up sticks and branches in the yard today,

[iris lilies]

Yes, it will.

Part of my diagnoses is obsessing, I have 11 more days until the medication is considered effective,

I am going to clean up sticks and branches in the yard today,

hang in there, hope this medication takes down your obsessive thoughts.

[Tybee]

hang in there, hope this medication takes down your obsessive thoughts.

Me, too! Rumination is a symptom of depression, which I know about because I have both, the symptom and the condition. I am not speculating on what your condition is, but I am saying that 11 days does not seem enough time to get healthy enough to comfortably return, and I wonder if you have considered talking to your doctors about more time off than the 3 weeks? It would be awesome if you were feeling actually better when you returned, and it takes time.

Sending lots and lots of healing thoughts!

Edited to add that I have bunches of faith in you to get back to work when you can and make it work. You are very resilient and a survivor. You are doing the right things to get better.

[herbgeek]

I told summer sup that I was having difficulty, asked him if he could log in but he said that he didn't have a log in (not true). I then kept schlepping around the office until I finally found someone who would help me use their log in. I get an email a few days later saying he understood I had not printed the registration cards where I reminded him that I had, and I needed the new ones but was still having the problem

Just an observation here:

You are working in a horrible environment. And yet, you continue to make administration problems your problems. IMO, the thing to do would be to tell the supervisor you can't log in (not that you are "having difficulty" you either can or can't), and ask him what he would like you to do now. Not scurry around trying to find a workaround. (In normal offices, that would be the thing to do of course, but not here where they are constantly writing you up for not following procedure.) Then follow that up with an email, restating the problem and what he told you to do or what you both agreed to. You need documentation. Also when you did print the items out, you should have gone back to the supervisor and told them that. Again that isn't something you should need to do in a normal work environment, but you likely need to do that in this one.

You keep trying to solve everything yourself. It isn't working for you: 1) your stress level is really high 2) the supervisors aren't always understanding the problem because you just find a work around (which they may or may not have wanted you to do). They need to own the problems and solutions, particularly since it sounds like you don't have clear guidance on many things. You've mentioned a couple of instances where you guessed what you should do, then they blamed you or indicated disappointment that you didn't do things they way they wanted. They need to specify, and then own the results. When you try to do all these workarounds, you are just persisting the problems. That doesn't help long term.

[Zoe Girl]

Thank you everyone, tybee the vote of confidence helps.

I have been trying REALLY hard to make some things not my problem. Our facilities manager is rather passive and the principal is hands off so when my space needed to be moved i just kept trying to put it on them to decide my space instead of me asking or doing all the thought into it. That was a struggle, sigh.

I basically step up when the basic programming or kids are at stake. I think i have alot better idea of how to handle things. Ask a question, follow up with an email, give a little time and then email again, third time copy in his supervisor. Every time. Then it is really his problem.

Oh yeah, keep looking.