Medium freaking out I guess, I realize that how this year has gone I have literally NO CLUE how it is going to go to return to work. Before I broke down and left I was already back in that loop with supervisors of telling them things that they conveniently forgot or didn't help with, then being told I didn't take care of things. One was printing registration cards, I told summer sup that I was having difficulty, asked him if he could log in but he said that he didn't have a log in (not true). I then kept schlepping around the office until I finally found someone who would help me use their log in. I get an email a few days later saying he understood I had not printed the registration cards where I reminded him that I had, and I needed the new ones but was still having the problem. So everyone assumed that I just was not capable enough to do the 5 step directions, but really I was set up in the system different and it was a high level fix to solve it. I can tell when people think I am stupid, maybe because I am the one with white hair.
I have been left in so many difficult situations this year with little to no support, but in the end the supervisors seem to be supported and more of this goes towards the overall impression that I suck. My counselor kept on reminding me that I have done this job well for 8 years, but it will still really come down to the department's attitude. Yes my job is protected but if they think I cannot perform the essential job duties they don't have to give me the exact job back, just a job. I am applying for other jobs, and I do believe I was in an impossible situation, however I know that if I am taken out of my current position for this it will be devastating with a significant recovery.