oh dear, I am thinking I need a support group or something extra. I am settling into the realization of what a big deal this break down was. No matter how much I see the circumstances I was put in it still is affecting my already low confidence. I already have had eroding confidence over this school year, propped up by collecting good feedback from a variety of sources.

So I am getting ready for my crochet class tomorrow, writing or finding the patterns I need, making a sample potholder, etc. This is tomorrow so I am not thinking super in advance, but I am extra nervous about the class with 2 people in it. My energy levels are challenging, the medication makes me sleepy but not nauseous today!

Reading more about my illness has made me see that there are times when my reactions to clear stresses were more extreme than most, how much I struggled, and if I even have the capacity to go back to this job. Choosing to look for another job is different than the department saying I am not able to do it. I have also thought about what I need, one thing is major last minute changes are a big problem! I don't just like to plan ahead, I truly need it for my support. I am looking at the supports I have built into my life over the years, the reason I have been successful the previous 7 years. Planning ahead, being well staffed, building supportive work relationships, tracking my work by putting reminders on my calendar for almost everything, supporting my students and staff by using my empathy, etc. I have already had my limit of camp days being short staffed, crisis managed, and stressful during the year. Good news (or bad news) is that I could actually feel this coming on this time, earlier in the week I could feel that the manic part was building with low sleep and high stress. I didn't understand it at the time but maybe I can go forward and have a way to communicate that before a break down or change what I can.

As always thank you so much for listening. This is a very supportive place so I try to offer support on others posts but don't know if I am great at it.