self confidence is at all time low

[dado potato]

From this distance I would say you are making changes for the better. Some anxiety is completely understandable.

You have mastered many challenges in your life already. Many!

Like other people who post here in response to you, I wish you well. First things first, One Day at a Time.

[Zoe Girl]

Being in crisis management mode is hard for anyone, under any conditions. Much much harder without any support, and gaslighting by your manager.

Thank you for saying gaslighting!! That is an important factor, all the times this year that I was told one thing, then another, and the only evidence was the email someone else sent. Then this 2 week time that there was a new crisis every day that I thought had been taken care of ahead of time and now all of a sudden I was responsible for. Everyone forgot really fast how short of a time I had this site, and how I had not been in the loop as far as preparation went this year.

I went to the Buddhist version of an AA meeting tonight. No one asks why you are there and I figure if I hadn't started meditating at 19 I would be an addict. I was on my way back then. So the group I needed just came around 30 years later, but it seems the best place for me to be right now. A few of us are bipolar, most are cleaning up something in their lives or dealing with trauma. I have a few friends there, sometimes I share but mostly listen.

[ApatheticNoMore]

adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families have some meetings that you can go to even if your family wasn't alcoholic/addicted but just dysfunctional. Me and my bf went, we related to what was being said. Now is it really my thing to go to 12 step meetings even of adult children, no it isn't a lot of fun (i also went to an al anon meeting as a sibling is a recovering addict) but it's there. I'm just throwing that out there not saying to do that instead of what you are doing, do whatever feels like you belong there really.