what if they don't want me back

[Zoe Girl]

Thank you ANM, my middle f the night thoughts are focusing on some ways that I was REALLY not supported and I really don't want to go back. However I am concerned about the job market as well, if I was confident about getting another job soon I would leave but I am not.

I once ran into someone who used to work for us. She had some crisis and had a site that needed her, and no one showed up to sub or help. She is still talking about it years later. So this happens and it has kept on happening where it is all put back on the PS, and I am really scared of how it will be.

[razz]

Oh, ZG, affirm all the good qualities that you are now expressing and have expressed over your life til now until you get a solid sense of your worth and value. It is self-doubt that is taking over, don't let it. Treat self-doubt like the nasty, invasive enemy that it is and protect yourself.
Your therapist should give you some tools to do this and others have suggested books that deal with techniques to help you. It is a common problem, not just yours. Protect and defend yourself! It is all a mind-game.

[Zoe Girl]

Thank you Razz, i see the counselor Tuesday afternoon. I am not sure what I think of him, I liked the other one I got through EAP better.

I called my old work coach who tends to be flakey. We talked for a minute on Saturday and then she said she would call me back, never did. Finally on Sunday I texted her and said I really needed to talk, I just had a freakin' breakdown after all! So she is going to call me this morning. Let's hope she really does, kinda stressed about all this.

I think I am getting flashbacks to the couple days I was at camp, a special needs student who needed help in the bathroom and the supervisor yelling he could not be my back up for this. After they took my assistant for 3 days and I was put on this too late to hire. He ended up helping but was not happy about it. I am not sure if I heard yelling because I was already getting so close to snapping, but I do know there was a lot of frustration with me. I was downright angry and snappy, too many 'surprises',

[iris lilies]

I hope you spend the next few weeks and months identifying professionals to work with you in your daily life. It is hard to find a therapist you like, but it is essential for you to have that. Why cant you go to the guy who you saw for EAP visit?

As for a job coach, credentials are flakey for that, but find a new one if you think that is helpful. Find someone who acts in a professional manner.

But importantly, you need weekly therapy with someone who gets you and who helps,you. It really is time dor ypu to have weekly counseling.

[Zoe Girl]

I have weekly counseling set up for now, I need to pay 100% until I reach my deductible of $2,600. I am limited to Kaiser or their 'overflow' counselors and I know the first guy was not on any Kaiser list. The high deductible plans are the only ones available in my district. I can also check and see when my new year of EAP visits starts, I could potentially get 5 more with him.

I am on a wait list for the sliding scale counseling at the college, It was a good program when I brought my kids there. They just called to see if I wanted to stay on the list because it is so long.

[JaneV2.0]

Personally, I'd bring Michael Avenatti (or a local equivalent) to that meeting. What you need is a show of force. (OK; maybe that would be going too far...)

I'm pretty sure there are rules in place that make it difficult to fire someone for having health issues. Play every card you can, but as others have said--don't quit until you have a job lined up.

[iris lilies]

I have weekly counseling set up for now, I need to pay 100% until I reach my deductible of $2,600. I am limited to Kaiser or their 'overflow' counselors and I know the first guy was not on any Kaiser list. The high deductible plans are the only ones available in my district. I can also check and see when my new year of EAP visits starts, I could potentially get 5 more with him.

I am on a wait list for the sliding scale counseling at the college, It was a good program when I brought my kids there. They just called to see if I wanted to stay on the list because it is so long.

How much does it cots to just see the counselor you like, forgetting sbout insurance ? Is it $100 per visit?

[Zoe Girl]

I have no idea who Michael Avenatti is! But he sounds like a tough lawyer type.

I know it is difficult to fire me, and I know they have a year's worth of crap also. It is so stupid to me, it is really nit picky paperwork stuff. All the paperwork that goes into time sensitive databases was on time. I think it took work to find these things I did wrong and so someone is really focused on me in a negative way. We spent how much stupid time on me taking 2 half days to move after all, I know my sup consulted the head of the freakin' department because I put down flex instead of personal time. But if you throw in defiant and insubordinate then any questions I have that I ask more than once show my 'attitude'.

I just have no idea, and so that is the stress right there.

[Zoe Girl]

How much does it cots to just see the counselor you like, forgetting sbout insurance ? Is it $100 per visit?

Yes, about $100. I have much lower expenses now but with paying my loans I will still need to take some from savings. The EAP guy I really liked was a lot more than that however.

[mschrisgo2]

I am planning on calling work and talking about my return.

Wait. Why? Aren't you out on a medical leave? Dr. decides when you go back, and all should be arranged through HR, not on a phone conversation with- your (crazy) boss.

PLEASE. Take care of yourself here. Do NOT call them!!