accepting some faults (positive)

[Zoe Girl]

In my project to be more positive I am thinking about how to work with things I am not that good at. I had my final meeting with my sup and he failed me on my improvement plan. Some of it was accurate, it was all about basically obeying really detailed ways he had me do things, which is NOT my strength. So I hear this 'talk to this person, communicate this information and let me know you did it'. While the standard is to send an email with 3 paragraphs and a type of language at this exact time and copy these people in. To me I just am not making that switch, and it makes sense that a boss gives you a list, tells you when and how to do it, and then you do it. But I can't quite do it like that. In that sense I have learned so much about myself and how I work from this miserable last few months.

So moving to a new job I need to work with this, and new people, and I actually think it will be good from what I have already seen. I just accept that I struggle with the way of working that is more about being very specific than getting the job done and respecting that we may do it slightly different. I also learned (or relearned) that I really need positive support, and real support. AND the biggest new learning is how I do not deal with large, stressful changes! I really thought I was just so chill about them and turns out I put in pretty clear structures everywhere in my life. I also deeply value that having flexibility improves my relationships with people of all types of interaction.

I hope this does sound positive, what have you decided to accept about yourself.

[dado potato]

Perhaps your (former) sup was using a directive leadership style with you.

The directive style is right for some situations (and is a good match for the expectations and needs of certain employees). But in other situations it is a dysfunctional style to use. In getting a handle on the stresses and conflicts of your former job, there may be useful insights in analyzing the leadership style of the supervisor you were reporting to.

http://www.widener.edu/about/widener...directive.aspx

[Zoe Girl]

Oh yes! It says that likes to make all the decisions. I actually had a conversation where he was explaining why he was so angry at me, and it was that while he agreed with a decision I made he still realized that I had made a decision. That apparently justified his angry email.

I realized that does not work for me, in fact I struggle when I have staff that work best with a directive leader. I am very collaborative and coaching/support model. I have now coached 2 employees into my role effectively. So I loved how the staff said goodbye to me today, felt warm and friendly and that I had done my job well.

[razz]

Leadership is complex at any times. The challenge is when an ill-informed leader believes quite honestly that his/her way is the way without understanding or making an effort to learn that different strokes work with different folks. IMO anyway, a good leader tries to draw the best from those that are being lead by being flexible but that takes humility, compassion, understanding, education and experience. I have seen some people who do this so well and they are a pure delight to work with. It is a struggle for me, I will confess, so I am trying to be more collaborative and cooperative.

Maybe the positive out of all of this is - you have learned that there are other ways of leading, your way is not the only way; because another leads differently, it is not because they are wrong or unwise, just different so adjust your behaviour to suit the situation if another is the leader; don't expect that others will understand your approach if you collaborate/support, it may simply appear weak and undecided so adjust to the situation.

Examining the whole picture is smart on your part to better understand and Dado's point is an excellent one.

Step back and see if it is all nothing more than different leadership styles in conflict. That is really a positive discovery. Piaget's teaching from years ago that children learn best by making discoveries is true for us at every stage of our lives, I have come to believe.

[dado potato]

ZG:

It is positive to hear about "the good" in good-bye.

[Float On]

I wonder how soon we'll hear that his job is available?