You are as old as you feel -

[catherine]

I forget how old I am until I get senior discounts without asking, when young people hold the door open for me, when younger folk in stores call me sweetheart, dear and honey. I feel way younger than my chronological years and I see myself as younger than my years but others apparently see the older me that shows on the outside.

Exactly this.

My first realization that I must look older than I feel was the time I was on a shuttle bus from one airline terminal to the next on an international business trip, and a 30-something offered me their seat. I don't think these young folk realize that I can still put in 14 hour work days and run to tight connections and lift my own suitcase in the overhead compartment. I don't need their seats, but I guess it was nice of them to ask.

And I HATE the "sweetheart" stuff...when restaurant servers ask, "And what can I get you, young lady?" I want to tell them that in case they hadn't noticed, I'm NOT young, and I'd appreciate being addressed with less condescension.

I used to look younger than my chronological age, but that changed since menopause. My Celtic skin with a bad history of tanning with aluminum foil and baby oil probably doesn't help, and the fact that I have made the choice to go grey.

[Lainey]

I'm wondering if some of this is influenced by family behavior. I'm thinking of those I know whose parents and grandparents were lively and vigorous into their old age, so the younger generation just expects that is normal for them too. I have contemporaries who are in their 60s with these types of parents, and who are making decisions and plans for 1 - 2 decades in advance because that's their expectation of how life should be.

In contrast, if you grew up with family members who start complaining about life's physical and mental travails at an early age, then the younger generation thinks that's normal to start being "old" at that age.

[JaneV2.0]

I think it's influenced by genes, personally. If your grandparents lived into their nineties climbing mountains and chopping wood, you may as well. Most of us aren't that lucky. I used to annoy my parents by sending them articles on elderly overachievers, and now I'm on the receiving end--poetic justice--and appreciate just how tone deaf and condescending such articles are. As my parents became progressively disabled, they managed their lives without complaint, and carried on with as much dignity as they could manage. I'll be satisfied if I do as well.

[Teacher Terry]

My MIL’s mom lived to 89 and my MIL died at 67. My parents and grandparents never complained about physical ailments. We only talk about it with each other but not excessively.

[catherine]

I just finished reading yet another book by the Nearings (I've read The Good Life numerous times, and I also read The Making of a Radical and Simple Food). This one is "Loving and Leaving the Good Life"--the book Helen Nearing wrote after Scott died. She talks about her life in a very personal way and the decisions she made--to make Scott her life partner, to move to Vermont and then Maine. She spoke of their marriage and what made the relationship work. And she wrote about Scott's decision to die at age 100, self-inflicted through starvation.

But the point relevant to this thread is the part where she said that she remembers the moment she slipped into being "frail elderly"--at age 85. She spoke of it as if it were like a descent off a cliff, not a gradual downward walk. One minute she's biking through Holland and the next she can barely get on the bike. I think that maybe for some people, like her, aging is as abrupt as puberty or menopause.

I agree that genes have a lot to do with longevity, and I also believe that influence from elder family members in terms of their example is huge. But lifestyle also plays a big part to be sure. There are certain things you can't change, but other things you can.

[JaneV2.0]

...

But the point relevant to this thread is the part where she said that she remembers the moment she slipped into being "frail elderly"--at age 85. She spoke of it as if it were like a descent off a cliff, not a gradual downward walk. One minute she's biking through Holland and the next she can barely get on the bike. I think that maybe for some people, like her, aging is as abrupt as puberty or menopause. ...

That was similar to my experience. I could walk unaided, until one day I couldn't. I'll never be Hulda Crooks. Oh well.

[Teacher Terry]

My mom used to say that she fell apart at 78. Physically she wasn’t as good as before. But lived alone until a week before she died at 89.

[CathyA]

My brain (on some days), feels like 40's. My spirit is probably 27. But.....my body is about 92. There's so much I want to do, but have constant pain and failing joints. I wish I had a better attitude......but it's hard with so much pain. I keep trying to do things though.
I have to admit, I'm getting horrible short-term memory, which seemed fairly suddenly. I like this saying I heard: "Of all the things I've loved and lost, I miss my mind the most."

I had 2 horrible role models for making the best of bad situations, unfortunately. I can't seem to get that optimism that some people have, in spite of adversity. Any suggestions?

Yeah, there does seem to be that moment for some of sudden loss of ability......even overnight for some. I suppose it's best we don't know it's coming........

I remember when I was young and heard an older lady on a commercial say "When you have your health....you have everything." I used to think that was a silly commercial. Not any more........

[iris lilies]

Exactly this.

My first realization that I must look older than I feel was the time I was on a shuttle bus from one airline terminal to the next on an international business trip, and a 30-something offered me their seat. I don't think these young folk realize that I can still put in 14 hour work days and run to tight connections and lift my own suitcase in the overhead compartment. I don't need their seats, but I guess it was nice of them to ask.

And I HATE the "sweetheart" stuff...when restaurant servers ask, "And what can I get you, young lady?" I want to tell them that in case they hadn't noticed, I'm NOT young, and I'd appreciate being addressed with less condescension.

I used to look younger than my chronological age, but that changed since menopause. My Celtic skin with a bad history of tanning with aluminum foil and baby oil probably doesn't help, and the fact that I have made the choice to go grey.

oh god, the “young lady” stuff. Hate it! They are idiots!

[CathyA]

I'm not offended by the "young lady" stuff. I don't think they mean anything rude about it.

When I was just 41, a cashier at Kohl's asked if I qualified for the senior discount. She was very young. I said "Well, I'm only 41 and now I think I should get the discount anyhow since you thought I was so much older.".......and she gave it to me. haha