Realizing your former spouse is better off without you...

[ApatheticNoMore]

Yea like demonstrated a lot of times people going upward or downward has nothing to do with whether they are still in a relationship with you or not, that's pure egotism speaking (or in the case of thinking everyone is better off without one, an insecure egotism maybe ...).

- I mean first we need to see if they are really better off and since part of this internal feeling states you can't tell from facebook (or whatever). So they seem so happy from all their facebook posts, but are they really?
- But for things like career, it's not all about you and if someone is a relationship with you or not. It's a whole lot of other factors many of them random. In fact with career it's usually 99% other factors.
- The only thing where it is possible to know something and it being possibly due to a relationship is things like they always wanted kids - a lifelong dream, their ex-spouse was against it, they now have two healthy children with a new spouse. Or they always wanted to live by the beach but a spouse prevented moving and now they are (but does it make them happy?). Only things like that are directly about the relationship, most things aren't. ok perhaps their sex life being better or worse may be - but one has to have some pretty insider gossip at that point ... because really how does one know?

[Ultralight]

Here are some of the reasons I think my ex-wife's life is better now and that she is better without me:

1. She went on to make her living as an artist; this was her career dream (while I work at a mind-numbing zombie job in a cubicle)
2. She moved to South Carolina near the beach/coast (while I live in cold, landlocked, Columbus, OH - -the state I was born in)
3. She goes and does artist-in-residency programs and teaches art workshops throughout the country (no one cares about the work I do, not even me)
4. She got the Vespa scooter she always wanted
5. She is engaged to another artist who made her engagement ring in his studio of metal and set the diamond on it himself; this is something she would gush over, for sure
6. She probably makes more money than me
7. Her fiance is taller, much more handsome, in better shape, and younger than me; I have seen their pictures from The Knot and they look so happy and into each other, like they have that easy, natural love (my relationship is a ton of work and is not easy-feeling or natural).
8. She actually looks younger now than when she was with me, and she is in even better shape than she was when she was with me (I am fatter, tireder, and grayer than when she and I were together; and I have a chronic illness).

[Teacher Terry]

Were you stopping her from being a artist or moving? Having a chronic illness can be no big deal if it is something small like HBP. Now if it’s something like MS than a very big deal.

[Ultralight]

Were you stopping her from being a artist or moving? Having a chronic illness can be no big deal if it is something small like HBP. Now if it’s something like MS than a very big deal.

I was not stopping her from being an artist. I actually supported her. I worked while she was just doing art much of the time. She was upset with me for suggesting that she at least get a part time job until she landed a full time art position.

In a sense I was holding her back from moving around. I wanted to be with her. Whereas she wanted to take 2-3 month long stints as artist-in-residence.

She told me on the day she left me that she had until then put our relationship first. But that she was going to put her art first. Now she gets to have her art and a relationship that are tied for first place.

I don't have MS. But my chronic illness is worse than HBP. I don't want to talk much about the details of my illness though.

[Ultralight]

Don't get me wrong. I am actually very happy for her. I was so in love with her at one time, and I loved her deeply. In a sense I probably still have some love for her. Though I don't want to be with her.

And she still has my other dog, Lilith. So if my ex is living a good life then Lilith is too!

[Teacher Terry]

It does sound like she has the life she wanted now. Only time will tell if it works out in the long run. We only have one life so have to live it the best we can. Sorry about your illness.