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Thread: People afraid to do things themselves

  1. #11
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by razz View Post
    I find that a lot of people are surprised that I do so many things on my own. I invite some to join me and sometimes they do. Most older adults will look for a group to do whatever is planned. I love meeting strangers and getting different perspectives from those outside my circle.

    I prefer to follow my own timetable and choice of activity. As soon as another gets involved, I find that what I want to do is modified - date, activity, time of day, who else is coming and driving etc. etc. What I do now is offer to buy an extra ticket to a day and activity that I have chosen, if no takers, I go alone and get to do what is important to me. I don't share a room in travel paying the single supplement to go to bed when I want, avoid TV completely, access Wifi, have some peace and quiet from the crowd and rejoin feeling refreshed and outgoing again.
    I know! It is so simple for me to do X activity, alone.
    when I add even one person, details get changed, times reworked, and then there is the endless communication about how/where/when. If there is more than one person, then the entire adtivity morphs into something very different.

    I just wanna go do X.

    Me being a Luddite and not using my cell phone throws a wrench in the game because when they say “oh hey, just call me when you are ten minutes away” it doesn't work, nor does not locking down exact plans where to meet. I dont have mobile phone, cannot communicate when away feom my landline.

  2. #12
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    This drives me nuts at work. People who spend endless hours chatting instead of working will ask their friends if they will go to the bathroom with them, or to get water with them, etc. So it's not a chance to get away from the boss's eye and talk because they already do that anyways. It's a fear of being alone for even a second. There are a pair like this at my current job and my previous job had a pair also. Let's go hang out in the bathroom together - very junior highish.

  3. #13
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    Let's go hang out in the bathroom together - very junior highish.
    As a male, I have never heard this from a male co-worker. Maybe some other socialization at work here?
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  4. #14
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Conjoined Twin Syndrome?
    I guess adulting is harder for some than for others.

  5. #15
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    I've done so much alone my entire life. I went to Europe alone when I was 19. I would go to movies, restaurants, etc. alone. DD doesn't have a problem doing things alone either.
    I can remember my mother whining because no one would go with her somewhere and I said "Go by yourself." and she yelled "I don't want to go by myself!" I haven't a clue why some people are like this and others aren't.
    It is sure limiting to not be able to do something, if there's no one with you.

  6. #16
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    I think it's an individual thing. I planned to travel through Europe when I was 20, but my mother freaked out that I was planning on going alone, and she used emotional blackmail bribery to keep me from going and it worked. Normally, I have no problem being alone and doing things alone.

    OTOH, I remember my son's best friend who was adamant that my son go hang out with him on the nights his mother had to work. He would NOT be alone--even in his own. house.

    I think some people have a high tolerance for doing things solo, and others have a real aversion to it. I don't think it's a new thing.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  7. #17
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    I think it's an individual thing. I planned to travel through Europe when I was 20, but my mother freaked out that I was planning on going alone, and she used emotional blackmail bribery to keep me from going and it worked. Normally, I have no problem being alone and doing things alone.

    OTOH, I remember my son's best friend who was adamant that my son go hang out with him on the nights his mother had to work. He would NOT be alone--even in his own. house.

    I think some people have a high tolerance for doing things solo, and others have a real aversion to it. I don't think it's a new thing.
    An excellent reason to get married!

    not.

  8. #18
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    An excellent reason to get married!

    not.
    I have a friend who went from parents' home to a marriage. When he passed on, she was so lost on her own and remarried. When he died, she had her son build her a new home but never moved in as she could not be alone ever.

    Eventually she moved into an abusive family situation, finally sold the new house at a huge loss after renting it out for a few years in which it deteriorated badly. She is now is living with someone who is medically fragile. The family don't know what to do to help her as she has spent most of her financial assets which were considerable at one point.

    A very frightened of being alone individual can be very vulnerable and so stubborn in their fear.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    I think it's an individual thing. I planned to travel through Europe when I was 20, but my mother freaked out that I was planning on going alone, and she used emotional blackmail bribery to keep me from going and it worked. Normally, I have no problem being alone and doing things alone.

    OTOH, I remember my son's best friend who was adamant that my son go hang out with him on the nights his mother had to work. He would NOT be alone--even in his own. house.

    I think some people have a high tolerance for doing things solo, and others have a real aversion to it. I don't think it's a new thing.
    I have a friend who will go backpacking on stretches of the Appalachian Trail by herself for a week, but will call me to come and stay at her house overnight when her husband is away. She'll do a lot by herself, but can't sleep alone in the house. I have no idea why.

    It occurs to me that the one big thing I don't do alone is hiking/backpacking. Probably because if I get hurt out in the wild somewhere, I want someone else there to help out and get me to safety. I tend to go hiking with my friend who treks the Appalachian Trail. She knows what she's doing.

  10. #20
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Cellaneous View Post
    I have a friend who will go backpacking on stretches of the Appalachian Trail by herself for a week, but will call me to come and stay at her house overnight when her husband is away. She'll do a lot by herself, but can't sleep alone in the house. I have no idea why.

    It occurs to me that the one big thing I don't do alone is hiking/backpacking. Probably because if I get hurt out in the wild somewhere, I want someone else there to help out and get me to safety. I tend to go hiking with my friend who treks the Appalachian Trail. She knows what she's doing.
    David Paulides, who's written a number of books about people disappearing in wilderness areas cautions never to hike alone (and to bring a satellite radio). I agree wholeheartedly.

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