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Thread: People afraid to do things themselves

  1. #1
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    People afraid to do things themselves

    This is puzzling me. I seem to be encountering it a lot among young folks.

    Guy in his late 20s who I work with. Smart, outgoing, lots of friends. Desperately wants to learn to scuba dive but refuses to take the class by himself (without knowing anyone). Said he’s a fish in the water so no related fears. He won’t lack for people to dive with after certified. He wanted a friend to do class with him, but friend can’t afford it.

    Another mid-20 something. Lived in Europe for several years not knowing anyone when she moved there. Won’t go to the gym by herself. Won’t ride her bike through her safe suburban neighborhood by herself. Won’t run out to get carryout food without someone with her.

    These are just two examples, but I’m running into a LOT of people like this.

    What gives?
    Last edited by Tradd; 7-25-18 at 4:38pm.

  2. #2
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    That is weird and I don’t know anyone like that.

  3. #3
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    Add to that people who won't go to the movies by themselves or go out to eat by themselves.

    I get it that it is more fun to do things with someone you know. It's less stressful than being surrounded by strangers. But if I didn't do things by myself, I'd never do anything!

  4. #4
    Senior Member KayLR's Avatar
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    I think the Millennials are much more "tribal" than previous gens. And yes, I'm stereotyping because Boomers get stereotyped all the time.

    Maybe it's because they were micromanaged as children by their parents.
    My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Gardenarian's Avatar
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    I think this is common in young people, not just now, but always. They feel like they appear to be a loser if they do things by themselves. "What, don't you have any friends?"

    I think it also gives them a sense of affirmation. Like, this is not a stupid thing to be doing, because my friend is doing it too.

    I remember friends in college begging me to go somewhere with them - even just shopping - because they didn't want to go alone. Oh, and to parties - no one wanted to show up at a party alone.

    If you bring a friend, there will be at least one other person you can talk to.
    And if it's awful, you can joke about it together, instead of feeling like "that was a stupid thing for me to do."

  6. #6
    Senior Member Simplemind's Avatar
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    Gardenarian hits the nail on the head.

  7. #7
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simplemind View Post
    Gardenarian hits the nail on the head.
    Yeah, I think she is right, too.

    I think it can be an age thing but certainly a personality thing. I dont know about generational.
    But I remember friends in my youth asking me to go places like movies, shopping, and then acting as though they could not do these activities if they had to do it alone.

    I admit it, I judged them for it.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    If cannot go by yourself to pickup carryout, you’ve got issues. Sheesh.

  9. #9
    Moderator Float On's Avatar
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    I'm sitting in movie alone right now waiting for Mama Mia to start. Im always at movie alone since my son works and I get in free.

  10. #10
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    I find that a lot of people are surprised that I do so many things on my own. I invite some to join me and sometimes they do. Most older adults will look for a group to do whatever is planned. I love meeting strangers and getting different perspectives from those outside my circle.

    I prefer to follow my own timetable and choice of activity. As soon as another gets involved, I find that what I want to do is modified - date, activity, time of day, who else is coming and driving etc. etc. What I do now is offer to buy an extra ticket to a day and activity that I have chosen, if no takers, I go alone and get to do what is important to me. I don't share a room in travel paying the single supplement to go to bed when I want, avoid TV completely, access Wifi, have some peace and quiet from the crowd and rejoin feeling refreshed and outgoing again.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

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