Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: Family homes lost to wildfire

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    California
    Posts
    915

    Family homes lost to wildfire

    My brother owns 5 acres in Old Shasta, Calif where he had a large home. 10 years ago he build a 1400 sq ft house on the property and Mom moved in. This past Thursday they were evacuated at 3:30 am and both their homes burned to the ground less than 4 hours later. (Carr Fire, Shasta/Redding CA) They left with little more than 2 cars, and the pets, 3 cats and a macaw. Fortunately, they have a vacation home in Gold Beach Oregon and went directly there.

    Of course it is a devastating loss. My mother is 88, and her whole lifetime of collections are gone. But more crucial, I think, is that her independence has been taken away overnight. She now as nothing of her own, not even access to a phone. I asked my brother if I could talk with Mom, he said his phone was "for important calls." This morning I texted and asked if he got mom a phone, and he said yes, but she doesn't want him to give anyone the number, she doesn't wanted to talk to anybody.

    I know my brother and my mom process grief very differently. He does major Anger and Control, and spends a Lot of Money. After the spending subsides, no one is never to mention the event again. (major temper tantrum and extreme verbal abuse ensue).

    Mom needs to talk enough to clear some of the initial denial, then she moves into a very philosophical space, as she processes and moves forward. But at the moment he is denying her access to talk- not just to me, but to my daughter and my cousin as well, i.e. all the "girls" in the family that she usually talks to. My daughter (41) says that this is elder abuse, as he is controlling and denying her access to outside help. I am, of course, very concerned, but not sure of a good course of action here.

    I am open to suggestions.
    Last edited by mschrisgo2; 7-30-18 at 2:36pm.

  2. #2
    Moderator Float On's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    By a lake in MO
    Posts
    4,472
    Oh goodness. First off so sorry for their loss. Second, I don't understand his denying her use of his phone or passing along her number once he got her a phone. Strange behavior for sure.
    Float On: My "Happy Place" is on my little kayak in the coves of Table Rock Lake.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    5,404
    Maybe buy your mom a plane ticket to come visit you for awhile. While she is there buy her a phone she can use. It might be good to get her away from your brother for awhile. So sad that they lost everything.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    2,271
    Can you go visit her?

  5. #5
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    12,955
    This is terrible news. So sorry!

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    961
    I would call each morning and each evening until you talk to Mom. Or fly there to see her in person if you're concerned about the anger/lashing out habit you describe.

  7. #7
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    San Francisco
    Posts
    3,931
    I like the idea of bringing her to visit if a) she’s capable of that much travel and b) you can make it happen without brotherly rage. Barring that keep trying to call her. This cery much does sound like abusive behavior.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    California
    Posts
    915
    So I have been texting my brother am and pm every day... finally got to talk to my mother this evening. She sounds remarkably good, all things considered. She says picking out new clothes is a "real pain" and lamented the loss of all her shoes, saying she had just gotten them down to the 23 pairs she liked best. She is relieved that she doesn't have all those books to read, but lamented that we won't be able to find her notes in books after she's gone- she had a 12x12 ft room, floor to ceiling bookcases full. Her biggest regret is not having put up Christmas decorations last year, and her advice is "Live for Today."

  9. #9
    Senior Member Gardenarian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    SF Bay Area
    Posts
    4,177
    Good advice.
    That fire is a monster - I'm sorry your family was in it's path.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    2,271
    Glad your mom sounds good, chris, that is really a relief.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •