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Thread: Caring not fixing

  1. #1
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    Caring not fixing

    Revelation here, and only because of the stupid breakdown.

    I have been trying to learn and focus on what I need to improve/fix in myself. This last 6 months I have made mistakes honestly. When I even try for an extended time my head just hurts. More like my mind hurts. Same thing with setting goals beyond just to be a decent person and do a good job.

    Well duh, I am getting fixing myself with caring for myself. I pretty much got this with other people, if I start fixing I tend to catch it quickly. However I have not been caring for myself, I have not been in a place where it was easy or possible to care for myself, but I need to care more than fix.

  2. #2
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    Being a decent person and doing a good job are very good goals. Accepting and caring for who you are is the first step.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    I think that in this society you can either:

    1. Be a horrible person (narcissistic, manipulative, sociopathic) and successful in your career

    Or...

    2. You can be a good person and, at best, hold down a somewhat decent job.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

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    There are wonderful people in wonderful jobs. There are horrible people in horrible jobs. There is plenty of evidence that success is not necessarily an indicator of bad character.

    I can understand the temptation to console oneself that you are a better, smarter person than those above you. But there are too many other factors involved, including luck, to draw that conclusion.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LDAHL View Post
    There are wonderful people in wonderful jobs. There are horrible people in horrible jobs. There is plenty of evidence that success is not necessarily an indicator of bad character.

    I can understand the temptation to console oneself that you are a better, smarter person than those above you. But there are too many other factors involved, including luck, to draw that conclusion.
    Worth reading: https://hbr.org/2015/11/why-bad-guys-win-at-work
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  6. #6
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    I think that in this society you can either:

    1. Be a horrible person (narcissistic, manipulative, sociopathic) and successful in your career

    Or...

    2. You can be a good person and, at best, hold down a somewhat decent job.
    I'm in agreement with LDAHL. There's no way you can make that kind of a sweeping generalization. First of all, what is "success"? What is "a decent job"? Second, so all the good people you know are struggling along in a "somewhat decent job"? None of them are "successful"?

    Your article only hypothesizes why SOME "bad" people wind up being successful at their jobs, but that doesn't mean that being "bad" is a prerequisite for success.

    And again, what is success? I've worked for very large multi-national corporations and small businesses of under 60 people and believe me, the majority of the people I worked for were good, decent, and even amazing people.

    But, as to ZG's point--yes, I think you have it in a nutshell. That's a good way to look at it.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  7. #7
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    Just a note that this is specific progress towards not making this all about work. And it really doesn't matter if my former supervisors are good or bad people, that is done. When I get ambitious and goal oriented right now my mind rebels and has pain. This is a change because I always have a plan for something, just can't for awhile

  8. #8
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Read the article.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  9. #9
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    Read the article.
    I did. It still simply says that people with the "dark triad" will gravitate toward success. It doesn't say that mentally healthy people don't also gravitate toward success. In fact, the article implies the opposite about the sustainability of organizations led by "dark triad" people:

    ...the dark side represents the toxic assets of our personality. You can certainly turn them into career weapons, but the group will generally lose the more you win.
    Eventually, if a company is polluted by dark triad leadership, it will eventually eat itself up--think Enron.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  10. #10
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    So Zoe Girl, what does caring vs. fixing look like on a day to day basis? I'm intrigued by your insight because it reminds me of ideas I see in 12-step programs. Can you explain more about the difference?

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