Easing back in

[nswef]

Good for you leaving the work surface clean. "m betting you usually don't leave enough time to do that....nice to have it done today. Enjoy the swim tomorrow.

[Chicken lady]

Yes, usually it’s “try to do too many things, work until the last minute, cover whatever needs to be covered, leave behind dirty tools and come back to the house with clay under my nails.”

that approach is hard on my tools, requires that I wash things before I use them, and locks me into either jumping back in to the previous project or starting with a big clean up, and sometimes I don’t have time or the energy for either.

i woke up much too early this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. I finally gave up and got up 15 minutes before my alarm.

i looked at my plan. It is much more calming than my list - nice and general.

so my status at the beginning of week 3:

work - is going well. Still doing a lot of things “just in time”, classroom not fully curated, but not feeling overwhelmed.

class - also going well. Working on being gentle with myself and having reasonable expectations.

keep trying to make progress on the house/barn/yard - house and barn are maybe a little better - about the same, so “keeping up” at least. I started to say that I was neglecting the yard, but while that is partly true, yesterday I spent over an hour walking with dh through a field we have decided to “add” trees to -marking which ones to keep. (we “planted” native trees by not mowing small areas for the last few years and dh is now clearing around the strongest tree in each patch. - elms, oaks, and maples.)

i worked in my home pottery studio yesterday.

i did yoga yesterday and have my bag packed to swim tonight.

the other things on the plan are “not yet” things.

Dh has been making dinner more. Tonight he has an event, so I will just eat something when I get home.

i am still doing a lot of processing on my approach, limits, and abilities. The tears are pretty much confined to times when I am talking things over with dh and less in the middle of trying to do something.

i found a Juul on the floor of my classroom last week. When the student who was sitting near the spot came back at lunch to “look for a lost tool” (because everyone realizes they lost a pottery tool after we clean up, put them in our lockers, and sit through another class) my first thought was “please go ahead and get expelled before the end of the month. I can’t afford to love you right now.” I let her look and leave.

[nswef]

class - also going well. Working on being gentle with myself and having reasonable expectations.​ I love this statement!

[Chicken lady]

And I called roll today. And when I called my “missing tool” student, someone said “she went to public school.” And I drew a line through her name without missing a beat.

the non reader is settling in. I was able to help the vegan participate fully in the cooking activity without feeling singled out (and yum!) the OCD/add kid has a regular sorting and straightening job he can do at his desk during “lectures”, the kid in the vicious custody dispute is happy because I don’t care what last name (if any) she puts on her work, and I didn’t really know what to say when the Buddhist kid told me the reincarnation of his cat (as a matching kitten who seems to already know all about the house and family ) came home last week - but he seemed happy with “I had a grey cat when I was your age.”

dh told my in laws not to stay extra long. He had the day off today (work is slow because of related flooding in NC) and showed up in my classroom with flowers (most of the girls were impressed, one of the boys announced that he probably did something bad.)

my boss asked me if me if I had experience in something today and seemed shocked when my response was “not recent.” The following conversation may lead to a little more work with pay for me that I would not have sought out, but which will probably be fun.

My boss is starting to understand that she does not know me AT ALL, which I have mixed feelings about - kind of fun to watch, but it involves her starting to gain knowledge and understanding that i’m Not sure how I feel about her having. OTOH, while I am (as Dh has often pointed out) completely incapable of lying, I am capable of evading or even just not answering. Come ci come ca, my boss is kind.

i talked to many family members this evening (post storm and pre in-law check ins) and had a large glass of wine with dinner, which has made me too relaxed to be useful. I will decide how I feel about that choice later.

but off to get chores done...

[Chicken lady]

Short version - physically tired, feeling stressed, wishing I had skipped the wine and gotten some work done last night.

struggling to get started this morning and already feeling anxious about class plans for tomorrow (i’m trying to pull off a lot in one day.)

[Chicken lady]

Good news - doctors office called with my results and I have significant anemia. I’m supposed to pick up a prescription iron supplement on the way home today (I could also do this over the counter, but the prescription one is only $1.63.)

[Teacher Terry]

You should have way more energy once you get that resolved

[Chicken lady]

Great day at work. House is a mess.

along with the usual mess and the additional “accumulation by Friday”, Dh has just started putting facings on the ceiling beams which involves moving furniture, tossing sheets over furniture, and creating sawdust.

started the iron this morning, but the placebo effect has worn off.

dd2 told me to just stuff the laundry baskets in the closet.

[Chicken lady]

So, it has been nearly a month. I survived the visit from my inlaws. The iron has actually kicked in and I have a lot more energy, but I am still trying to do too many things. Last night when we went to bed I bemoaned the fact that I accomplished nothing in the preceding three hours and dh said “you were relaxing.” But the thing is, i wasn’t “relaxing.” I was doing what my mom calls “sogging” I would have been happier and more rested if I had spent some of that time on task (fun things like reading or knitting, or light tasks like putting away dishes or laundry) and gone to bed an hour sooner. But I let myself slip into bad patterns.

Work is going well. I have a great group of kids this year, and we got a new kiln this week, which makes me really happy! (I’d rather have quality equipment than a raise)

my class went ok, I did not meet my goals, but they were probably unreasonable. Most of the students had more successful experiences than I did, but most of them had more free time, functional blood, and some skills I am still developing. I signed up for the new class session which starts today. The content of the class I chose should be less demanding for me.

I have had mixed success with the swimming and yoga, but i’ve done very well with the no making dinner

i enjoyed the visit from my parents. The yard and barn are the same or slightly worse, but the “scullery” (old kitchen) is better, and mom and I made huge progress in my basement. I finished fixing the wall before she arrived and we put my doll shelf together and unpacked the dolls so that they are back on display! I am really enjoying that. I do still have a box of small china dolls waiting for me to figure out a safe place for their display shelf, and half a bin of baby dolls I played with as a child.

the first concert was great, the second is this weekend.

i have been managing my volunteer schedule at the food bank, but think I will have to take that additional day off if i’m going to get applesauce made this year.

i still need to allocate more time for pottery.

[beckyliz]

So glad you and your mom got to get your dolls on the shelves to display and enjoy! Big goal accomplished there and I'm sure very satisfying.