Geila.........why didn't you say no to this guest?
Geila.........why didn't you say no to this guest?
OP, Last year you said you and your husband agreed to have no guests for a year. How did that go, did you keep guests away? Were you able to say no to any of them?
I like the idea of putting folded sheets on the bed to let her make her own bed.
A friend of mine knows I don't like company and she got me a doormat that says "Okay, you read my doormat. That's enough social interaction for one day."Originally Posted by iris lilies
So many clever door mats, so little porch space!A friend of mine knows I don't like company and she got me a doormat that says "Okay, you read my doormat. That's enough social interaction for one day."
Geila, so how was the visit with your aunt?
Thank you to those of you who mentioned I might be angry with myself about my own expectations. I think that was part of it. I made the bed with fresh sheets and left everything else the way it was. And much to my surprise, discovered that it was perfectly fine. If the lack of preparation or look of the house bothered her she didn't let on, and I didn't really care anyway. Boy, have I wasted a lot of energy and time on this crap in the past.
We got Chinese takeout for dinner and visited last night and a bit this morning and then she left to spend a few days in San Francisco with her friends. I had lunch plans with a friend today and kept them even though I felt worn out. I think I've gotten to be more introverted with age. Several times during the visit I found myself feeling tired and uninterested. My lunch companion today was a very chatty person and I had to let her know that I was tired and did not have the energy to hear the long-winded stories she usually shares. I missed the plans I'd made for myself yesterday (gardening and pool) and this afternoon I realized that I would much rather be doing my own thing than hanging out with people (and then spending additional time recovering).
Iris - our year ban on visitors went pretty well. Last year dh's oldest brother and his wife asked to stay here for one night and I knew how embarrassed he would be to say no so I agreed to an exception with the caveat that he had to take care of everything himself. He left work early to be home at 11 am when they said they would be here (they were already in town). He waited and waited and they finally showed up 7 hours late without so much as a phone call because they had decided to go visit someone else instead. I greeted them and then retreated to my room with a book. The next morning dh got up at 5 am to drive them to the airport on Thanksgiving day. They made a bit of a mess in the kitchen that evening and dh and I spent the next morning cleaning up and then we both went back to bed. I felt bad for dh that they treated him so rudely so I didn't say a word about their behavior. Recently, one of dh's nieces got married and we agreed to lift the ban and invite the new couple to visit (we haven't invited them yet). So my aunt's visit is the first one we've had this year. And now I will have a whole new approach to the visits.
ETA: But I also do want to validate my appropriate anger at my aunt's lack of consideration. Thank you, Teacher Terry! I'm pretty sure that this type of situation will happen again, so want to become better at recognizing when boundaries are being crossed and people are behaving rudely. I need to stand up for myself.
Yes you definitely do need to stand up for yourself. Thankfully I have no friends or family that are rude in this way. I think now you will be prepared because sometimes when we are taken by surprise we agree to things we don’t want to do.
Some people seem oblivious to boundaries; I bet your aunt would be happy to give you whatever notice you require--as long as you spell it out.
I'm curious: how much notice did you have that she wanted to spend the night? Did you know it was a brief visit, a meal and then off to bed?
I ask because I've had drop-ins, you know call yesterday for "is the guest room available for tomorrow night?" And this is how I handle it.
I'm not a big entertainer and seldom have overnight guests (less than 10d/yr). I don't clean up extra beyond our normal lifestyle. I can put a simple meal on the table and clean sheets on the bed. I don't mind an overnight guest for 1 night even with just a day's notice if we have no plans. If we have plans, I'll let them know that and give them the key code to let themselves in and fend for a meal and "we will be home around X and I'll get clean sheets on the bed before we leave. Make yourself at home".
food for thought to reframe your energy for your health
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