Good point.
Good point.
CL: You are leaving me in suspense with that PM! lol
What I have seen is that when people become rigid and have such unbending standards they end up alone. If you are fine with that great. I know someone on another forum where they bought houses next door to each other and that has worked for them for 30 years. You want to share expenses so that won’t work. Maybe get a submissive mail order bride. CL already suggested submissive. My husband and I value our marriage after being in bad ones and also want to please one another. On this forum it sounds like many of us older folks are in good satisfying marriages. Nothing is perfect. Getting older and having friends lose spouses has made me very aware that life can be short.
I agree, TT.
I think the thing is not to look for someone who is completely compatible with you, but to seek out people who are flexible, open-minded, and caring. (It helps if you are these things yourself
My DH is extremely noisy (he's a professional sax player) and I'm a quiet, bookish person. We make space for the other person to be themselves.
In recent years that has meant literal space - we have a spread-out house plus he has a separate music/recording studio. But we started off in a 1 bedroom apartment.
I have fairly low expectations from relationships. You have to make your own happiness, whether you're with someone else or not.
I think this dichotomy between normies and weirdos is self-defeating. Who would call themself a normie? It's like your question about being "basic." Why the need to put people in little boxes?
I may be one of those outliers who is probably with their partner in part because me and him are very similar people (and it was eerily apparent even early on). I wasn't demanding it, it just happened, there are still downsides.
Trees don't grow on money
Tell me more.Originally Posted by Teacher Terry
Good for you all! Glad to hear it.
I realized that some years ago, I was not developing friendships because I saw myself as too odd. Then I realized it was more me than them, just avoiding rejection because maybe they would reject me. Actually developing some friendships with 'normies' over shared things (I love when my younger friends have babies) showed me that I was being limited. It also helped me get out of some of my bad habits, like obsessing about some things.
Sometimes I do try to explain neuro-typical as compared to people with differences, like when working with children or even myself and the way I need to process. When I work with people with some basic kindness and social awareness it rarely comes up however.
Who would call themselves weirdos? People who are honest with themselves. I am a weirdo. I am cool with it. My sis and BIL are normies and I love them.
Why put people in categories? Because it is really handy. Why give a person a name like Dave or Sue or Mike or Sally? It is really handy.
Why call someone a sax player? Why not call them "a particular individual who plays the sax?"
Because it is handy, shorter, and get the point across better.
I meant violence in a very, very broad way. You could say that when countries can't compromise, violence of the physical nature very often breaks out in the form of war, or also in the form of revolutions like the American Revolution, French Revolution, or also think of the trouble between the Irish and the English back when Sinn Fein was around.
But when individuals refuse to budge or compromise with each other especially in relationships, in my mind it's a form of violence. The person unwilling to give over something to their partner is exerting some kind of power, or the person who submits and subjugates their own wishes to the other is in a sense committing violence against themselves in the form of resentment or anger.
When I think of violence in the broadest, most esoteric way, I think of Krishnamurti who said:
The source of violence is the `me', the ego, the self, which expresses itself in so many ways - in division, in trying to become or be somebody - which divides itself as the `me' and the `not me', as the unconscious and the conscious; the `me' that identifies with the family or not with the family, with the community or not with the community and so on. It is like a stone dropped in a lake: the waves spread and spread, at the centre is the `me'. As long as the `me' survives in any form, very subtly or grossly, there must be violence.
Inability to compromise is very often a display of the ego working, IMHO.
"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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