Reflections of a break-up

[Ultralight]

These are really good and thought-provoking questions!

How must the minimalism manifest itself?

It must manifest itself in most spheres to one degree or another.

Could you tolerate this hypothetical situation? : Your girlfriend is financially responsible (has no student loans!) and saves a lot of money and plans to retire at age 50,using the 4% rule. She makes good money. She is not a collector of stuff. Her apartment is lightly furnished with a number of items that most people would consider a normal amount but on the light side. Her house is always neat and tidy.

Yes, I could tolerate that.

she says “hey ULBabe, We could get hitched but I dont want to live the strict minimalist life you require in your space, so why dont we buy a duplex together or get adjoining apartments?

I would say: "Howzabout we keep the apartment at its current level of stuff, maybe a little less, and then I just get my own room to keep especially minimal? Deal?"

I am trying to figure out if you can tolerate someone else’s space that isnt strictly minimal. Does that bother you, or is it the idea that your own space will become cluttered with crap that you cannot stand?

I am cool with "comfortable minimalism."

Are you actually triggered when crap shows up at your house? If I visited you and brought gifts of a pile of newspapers from your home town, several used kitchen pots and pans, two pairs of pants, 3 dogs toys for Harlan, a framed poster of somethng you like, and a Indian food cookbook, would all of this stuff make you anxious? Or just annoyed?

When people give me stuff I usually just give it away.

[Chicken lady]

You know, if that is your actual dating profile (no space for religion?) it’s pretty good. I think you should use the six things though - like the joke about running watering the kitchen, they would say a lot about your mindset.

[Ultralight]

You know, if that is your actual dating profile (no space for religion?) it’s pretty good. I think you should use the six things though - like the joke about running watering the kitchen, they would say a lot about your mindset.

Thanks.

Why do you think I should use the six things? I don't understand.

[Ultralight]

I have also been very deliberately and purposefully thinking about simply not dating anymore.

williamsmith will not like this, but I made two lists:

Pros of dating/cons of dating and pros of a relationship/cons of a relationship.

The cons were heavy for me on both lists.

[Chicken lady]

Well, I started to give guesses about what you might include, but then I didn’t want to bias your answers with my POV.

in the joke, a woman is showing off her kitchen to her grandmother, and the grandmother asks if the girl could have just one modern convenience, which would she choose? She says “the microwave” and her grandmother says “huh. I’d pick running water.”

[SteveinMN]

I have also been very deliberately and purposefully thinking about simply not dating anymore.

Then don't.

Seriously, I thought dating was fun (most of the time) but it also is an emotional commitment to keeping one's eyes open for potential partners, responding to requests to meet, sometimes being rejected, actually going on dates (nice clothes, know where to go, putting your best foot forward at least for that time period), etc.

But if it's not for you right now, it's not for you. It's not a decision you have to chisel into stone. For what it's worth, one of the things that makes DW's and my relationship work is that each of us had our own fulfilling lives before we met. We could have gone for years longer without a LTR/partner (and both of us preferred that to being with just anyone for the sake of being part of a couple). We didn't feel "incomplete" or odd for being single and our social circles were not dependent on being part of a couple. We simply found life was more fun with each other than without so we became partners. Sometimes it happens when you're not looking that thoroughly.

[Ultralight]

Then don't.

Seriously, I thought dating was fun (most of the time) but it also is an emotional commitment to keeping one's eyes open for potential partners, responding to requests to meet, sometimes being rejected, actually going on dates (nice clothes, know where to go, putting your best foot forward at least for that time period), etc.

But if it's not for you right now, it's not for you. It's not a decision you have to chisel into stone. For what it's worth, one of the things that makes DW's and my relationship work is that each of us had our own fulfilling lives before we met. We could have gone for years longer without a LTR/partner (and both of us preferred that to being with just anyone for the sake of being part of a couple). We didn't feel "incomplete" or odd for being single and our social circles were not dependent on being part of a couple. We simply found life was more fun with each other than without so we became partners. Sometimes it happens when you're not looking that thoroughly.

Good points.

A colleague of mine said she wants to fix me up with someone. I told her I am definitely not ready to date yet.

[bae]

1) Don’t form intimate relationships with people with long-standing mental illnesses.

2) Don’t form intimate relationships with people whose parents have long-standing-mental illnesses.

3) Don’t form intimate relationships with people who don’t like themselves.

4) Don’t form intimate relationships with people you need to protect and care for just so they can survive daily life.

5) Don’t form intimate relationships with people who even have a whiff of an abusive personality.

[Chicken lady]

Wow.

so there you go UL, bae took you right out of the dating pool.

[Ultralight]

1) Don’t form intimate relationships with people with long-standing mental illnesses.

2) Don’t form intimate relationships with people whose parents have long-standing-mental illnesses.

3) Don’t form intimate relationships with people who don’t like themselves.

4) Don’t form intimate relationships with people you need to protect and care for just so they can survive daily life.

5) Don’t form intimate relationships with people who even have a whiff of an abusive personality.

I appreciate you contributing this. I know you are going through a tough time. This is sound advice.