Family photos for estranged relatives

[iris lilies]

I am taking suggestions and philosophies about a situation. Someone responded to an old old thread about Glenn Yarborough. Now I remember what triggered that wuestion nearly 8 years ago.

Anyways—

In 2011 I sorted out all family photos my mother had, copied the important ones of ancient people onto a disc, and mailed off discs plus a few originals and small family artifacts to children of my cousins as well as to my brother. I didnt ask if they wanted the stuff,
I just mailed them out. Because I dont care what they do with the stuff! So that project took a year and it was such a damned relief to be done with it.

But a fly in the ointment is the eldest child of her generation. Her name is Brooke. She is estranged from her father, my cousin. She is about 45 years old. I dont talk to her father or his family much if at all so I dont know if she truly never contacts him, but last thing I heard was there had been no contact. (I am not “estranged” from this part of my family, none of us are much interested in each other.) we have cordial but distant relations. The last time we saw each other was in Edinburgh, Scotland in 2009.

I made up a packet of photos for her but did not send them. This small packet has been sitting around here for nearly 8 years.

I know how to contact her because she is an artist with a website.

So, what is your thought here: contact her to ask if she wants these photos? There are a couple of her mother, and of her when she was a baby, same with images of her father (my cousin ) alone and with her. or, just mail them to her? Or forget about it, pitch them.

There is also a pretty quilt I might send to her if she showed interest. Her great granmother made lovely quilts, and I have a couple, dont need this extra one. I am think that because she is an artist she might like it.


I dont want to be a busy body old lady who stirs up trouble and who insists that we all need to know our roots, because that is not what I think. And, I have seen this kind of thing go bad from interferring busybodies.

what say you?

[Teacher Terry]

I would ask her.

[mschrisgo2]

Wait-- everybody got photos except her?! Send her the photos!! (you didn't ask anyone else first)
Send the quilt too, with a note about its history, and maybe tell her to feel free to pass it on, if that is her desire.

Remember, you are only responsible for your actions. You are not responsible for others' reactions.

[iris lilies]

Wait-- everybody got photos except her?! Send her the photos!! (you didn't ask anyone else first)
Send the quilt too, with a note about its history, and maybe tell her to feel free to pass it on, if that is her desire.

Remember, you are only responsible for your actions. You are not responsible for others' reactions.

I am not responsible for the reactions of others, but she made it clear decades ago that she wants nothing to do wih our family.It seems pushy to me, to just randomly mail stuff to her, pushy as in “we are your relatives and you must care about us, dammit!”

here is something that happened to me: i have no interest in high school friends with two exceptions. I would say, if you asked me, that I am “estranged” from my high school friends, haha. So a few years ago one of the estranged ones contacted me. She is a nice enough person but is annoying to me, annoying for SO MANY ReASONS and she annoyed me then, too.

But annoyance I can live with, not a big deal.Here is what she did that went beyond annoying: she gave me a run down on a few people in our class including the guy who killed his parents and stuffed them in a well.


People! I do not want this image in my head! I do not need to know this! This set up a whole lot of thinking about past issues concerning this poor guy. Ugh. I wish I didnt know this. I wish she hadnt contacted me.

[catherine]

I would still ask her. It's just an email to her website. Give her a week to respond, and if she doesn't pitch them.

[SteveinMN]

I'm with catherine on this one. Ask her and give her the opportunity to receive these pictures. You do not know how much contact she has had or has with that side of the family. She may want pictures of herself as a kid, if only to satisfy a moment of curiosity. And if she does not want them, fine. You made the offer.

[bae]

I’m having this problem in spades. I’m in the middle of a divorce. We had 40 years of photos - prints, slides, negatives, digital archives of some, iCloud photo stream from the whole family’s phones for a dozen years.

How do you even begin with this sort of thing? It’d be a monumental effort even to sort through it.

[Teacher Terry]

Bae, I wouldn’t even try. Offer pictures to family, throw away what you don’t want or keep it all until you die. Waste of life energy to go through that stuff. My mom told us to take the pictures we wanted when she was dying and then she threw away the rest. Many of the people we didn’t know who they were.

[catherine]

I’m having this problem in spades. I’m in the middle of a divorce. We had 40 years of photos - prints, slides, negatives, digital archives of some, iCloud photo stream from the whole family’s phones for a dozen years.

How do you even begin with this sort of thing? It’d be a monumental effort even to sort through it.

I agree with TT, take a year off from doing anything. If you don't want to look at the photos put them in a storage area.

[lmerullo]

To IL: I recommend just sending them to her. As you stated yourself, that's what you did with the others. Put in a nice neutral note, as in I found these pictures and thought of you. Make sure you give your return address... She can then decide whether she wants them or high-quality and also if she wishes to contact you, if only to say thanks.

If and only if you hear back from her in a positive manner, would I then offer up the quilt. After all, assuming the costs of postage on the quirkiness to someone who doesn't even want it is not something I'd do.I

Bae: such a huge task! It certainly can wait, but even then could / would you want someone to assist? Maybe your daughter? If she's able to handle it (emotionally), I think she may approach it from a standpoint of "all of these people are my heritage" since she will forever be a blending of you and the ex...whereas you might split things by "mine / hers" IYKWIM.