Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 23

Thread: Family photos for estranged relatives

  1. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    2,843
    IL: I would send her the stuff. Write a note and put it in an envelope on the outside of the box. Say something like: "this box contains a lot of old family photos and a quilt made by your Grandmother. If this does not interest you, feel free to toss it. I simply want you to have the opportunity to have these things."

    Then you don't have to have a conversation.

  2. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    7,454
    So funny you posted on this right now, IL, as I have been grappling with same issue of what to do with my parents' letters and photos--do I make sure cousins get copies of love letters of our grandparents, do I copy and send them the originals, do they have their own, since my mom had a sister and presumably they split all this back when my grandmother died?? It is so much work and emotionally very difficult to deal with what is now a hundred years of letters, in some cases. Yet I would not want to pitch it all. And now I have mystery photos--who are these people??

    I did some sorting last week and was so upset by the letters I was up all night, so can't do this stuff late at night. Bae, my heart goes out to you, and I like the idea of giving a lot of it to your daughter and letting her sort it out. .

  3. #13
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    12,889
    Thankfully my parents left no letters behind and neither have I. Those are personal and don’t need to be read by anyone. Who cares about mystery people in photos? Not worth it to even worry about it.

  4. #14
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Saint Paul, Minnesota
    Posts
    6,618
    bae, my ex and I tussled a little over our photos. Eventually I realized that I wanted only a select few. Copies were made and XW got to do with the rest of them what she wanted to. She was more into them than I was anyway. If they end up being yours, I'd just put them aside for now. They can sit for a year or two until things settle.

    I would not pass them on to Daughter unless she asks specifically to take on the task. She's dealing now with her parents splitting up; IMHO she does not need the perceived burden of taking care of family "heirlooms".
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  5. #15
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Always logged in
    Posts
    25,383
    I sent Brooke a message asking if she wants these photos. If she answers in the affirmative, I will likely take a photo of the quilt to show her and will offer that as well.


    I will let you know how this turns out.

  6. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    5,478
    I had the task of going through family photos/mementos and elected just to mail out to various family members - both distant and close. It took a long time to go through them. I enclosed a short note with any info I had about photos or mementos. Eliminated the extra step of asking, got it off my plate and to be truthful, I didn't really care if they wanted them or not. They were photos/mementos of their primary family so it only made sense that they should deal with them and not me. They have the option now of keeping or tossing. In the case of the quilt, I would probably ask first.

  7. #17
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    San Francisco
    Posts
    9,802
    I think you did the right thing IL. When my parents were both still alive they made the unilateral decision to discard all the slides of pictures from when I was growing up. I'm not heartbroken or anything but if given the choice I would have wanted them and probably gone through them and had some scanned to keep. On the other hand if I'd been given them they might well just be sitting in our basement storage space taking up room.

    A year ago that space got broken into and my mothers silver plate utensils got stolen. Once I got over the shock of having been robbed I realized that I was actually grateful that something I didn't really want, and which had no financial value, was now dealt with through no effort on my part. I was actually more bummed that the $30 electric hand saw, which was not at all sentimental since it was relatively new, got stolen at the same time.

  8. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Phoenix
    Posts
    2,777
    I heard an interesting mental exercise once -

    imagine that a fire burns your home to the ground, when you and your family and pets were out of town. No one died. All you have left is your suitcase and it’s contents. How do you feel?

    Your feelings are quite telling. If it’s a sense of relief - then you should feel no guilt about any downsizing or decluttering that you choose to do.

  9. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    5,478
    Just as a note, my brother (12 years older) recently sent me a link to childhood photos of myself which I had never seen. It has been like a bittersweet gift to look at that little girl from infancy to 6-7 years old. It answered a lot of questions about things that heretofore had been a mystery. No wonder I like Siamese cats - they are in almost all of the pics!! No wonder I came back to the mountains to grow old. Ditto...

  10. #20
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    7,454
    Pinkytoe, I had much the same experience looking at photos and letters-- a much better understanding of my childhood and what happened in those years.

    I am grateful that my mom kept these documents, and the generational letters that actually explained a lot to me. But it can be tough going. I am glad she did not destroy all this. But it does make me realize that soon, there will be no one that remembers these people in the old letters, no one who knew them. That is a hard realization.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •