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Thread: Another elderly parent story

  1. #1
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Another elderly parent story

    We talk a lot here about crises situations with elderly parents. Here is one that will probably go well, or at least ok, for the next few years.

    DHs father fell and broke his hip a few weeks ago. My father in law, age 88, lives on a farm, has dementia, lives with a girlfriend ten years younger. Girlfriend had a leg injury and went to her own home for several weeks of recovery. During this period my father in laws kids came to take care of him and on DHs watch, the old man fell and broke his hip. Oops. But no one blames DH, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

    DH and his brother wrapped the broken bone leg in cardboard, secured it with duct tape, loaded their dad into the truck, and drove him to the hospital. Farm boy emergency medicine at work, haha.

    So after surgery and some weeks of recovery, my father in law cannot walk. He is now in a wheelchair and probably will remain non-ambulatory. He is now living in a nursing home. While that is really too bad for him, it is the best his family can do for him. He will not be happy there but we can hope he adjusts.

    He is a low income, high net worth person. His income is around $30,000 without farm income, and the nursing home is probably around $80,000 annually. He has enough liquid financial assets to cover 4-5 years of nursing home care before he would have to sell his farm.

    His youngest son farms the place and pays my father in law cash rent. This son keeps livestock at the farm and visits it dailey, so someone will be looking at the house daily, checking it in the winter and etc.

    The girlfriend, disliked by most of my father in laws children, will visit him ( nursing home about 20 minutes away) but will have no influence on nursing home practices.

  2. #2
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    That is sad. Glad that he has money for his care. I hope the GF continues to visit as he will need the support.

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    Sounds just like what would have happened to my Dad except he died in the hospital. He would have hated the nursing home/assisted living place. He always needed to be surrounded by his 65 years of paper and research materials.

    Sounds like he organized his life as well as his health would allow.

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    IL, it really sounds like the best solution under the circumstances. My dad fell at Christmas and he and mom were rushed to the hospital as Mother was also injured, and now they are in a nursing home too. Your situation sounds better because there is family there and someone who can care for the house, and your husband can stay there when he comes to visit, etc. It actually sounds like a "good" situation in the world of end of life situations, which goes to show how bad they are if this one is sounds okay. I am so sorry he can't live in his home anymore and can't be with his girlfriend. How wonderful that he has means to take care of himself and by extension, take care you guys by not being a burden, which is what everyone fears.

  5. #5
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    IL, it really sounds like the best solution under the circumstances. My dad fell at Christmas and he and mom were rushed to the hospital as Mother was also injured, and now they are in a nursing home too. Your situation sounds better because there is family there and someone who can care for the house, and your husband can stay there when he comes to visit, etc. It actually sounds like a "good" situation in the world of end of life situations, which goes to show how bad they are if this one is sounds okay. I am so sorry he can't live in his home anymore and can't be with his girlfriend. How wonderful that he has means to take care of himself and by extension, take care you guys by not being a burden, which is what everyone fears.
    Yes, not a bad outcome. This scenario allows DH brother to continue to grow crops on the farm, generating income for him and his father. It wont be necessary to sell the farm for a few years.

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    I wonder if the nursing home provides for ipod/kindle or other media player, headphones and a playlist of DH father's favorite music from yesteryear. If I were in his shoes (and able to hear) I would appreciate it.


    http://www.musicandmemory.org

  7. #7
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    I am sure the nursing home has music activities.

  8. #8
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    Studies have shown that music from when people were young really help people with dementia. But not just any music.

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