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Thread: The Journey From Abandonment To Healing

  1. #1
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    The Journey From Abandonment To Healing

    My best friend and partner of > 40 years up and left me 6 weeks ago today. She hopped in her car, and moved across the country to take up a new relationship and a new life in a new place. Ten minutes before we were about to have a large family dinner party - the guests were already on their way.

    Our couples' therapist shortly thereafter recommended to me this book:

    "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing", Susan Anderson

    I have found it quite helpful, though it is a bit new-age in places and some of the material doesn't seem science-based. The parts that are, however, seem in line with the other research and thinking I have been doing.

    Anyways, y'all may find it of some help.

  2. #2
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    I am sorry to hear that. I hope your daughter also has some therapy or other support.

  3. #3
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    I am sorry to hear that. I hope your daughter also has some therapy or other support.
    Alas, my daughter is 21, just graduated from college a few months ago, and will be heading off to her Ph.D. program in the UK in about a month. She's a super-genius and knows everything :-) And so doesn't quite believe in therapy/support/that sort of thing, and is violently reactive to suggestions that it might be wise to chat with someone. Especially after watching her mother struggle with therapy all these years. A gentler social approach is probably best to provide her support.

    Luckily she and I have had much of the summer together here, and have been doing "reasonably well". I suspect it will hit her harder later.

  4. #4
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    When someone leaves a relationship they have been thinking about it for a very long time and suffering. Then when they leave the person being left is shocked and also suffers. It sounds like your wife had someone in the wings which is how some people get the courage to leave. This is not the healthiest way to go about it. I am glad the book is helping. Divorce is very painful but you just need time to heal.

  5. #5
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    I think of you often Bae and wish you the best. My husband and I have been friends since 1980. Itís a long time and I canít imagine the adjustment youíre going through.

  6. #6
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    Oh my, bae! That's a real shocker. I'm so sorry to hear this. Hopefully you'll find your way through. I hope you can find peace and ways of filling the voids of your wife leaving, and your daughter living far away. Best of luck on your journey through a very difficult time.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    bae:

    Are you lawyering up too? I know it is not a pleasant thought amidst emotional pain, but it might be worth it.
    ďI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  8. #8
    Senior Member Simplemind's Avatar
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    I know you had mentioned some emotional issues but 10 minutes before a family dinner party?? She isn't just leaving you, she is leaving everything. I'm sure the whole family is in shock.

  9. #9
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simplemind View Post
    I know you had mentioned some emotional issues but 10 minutes before a family dinner party?? She isn't just leaving you, she is leaving everything. I'm sure the whole family is in shock.
    Yup. She up and left family, friends, all her activities and organizations she works with here, the whole nine yards.

    Apparently everything here at every level was contributing to her depression, this is a bright shiny clean new start.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bae View Post
    Yup. She up and left family, friends, all her activities and organizations she works with here, the whole nine yards.

    Apparently everything here at every level was contributing to her depression, this is a bright shiny clean new start.

    How much contact have you had with her since she left?
    ďI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

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