Marriage as Bedrock of Soceity?

[ApatheticNoMore]

I kind of took it as a thought experiment: what if everyone grew up with loving parents (and ideally a loving extended family), without painful divorces, without abuse of any form (sexual, physical, verbal), without neglect etc.. Then society would probably function better. But what if it was still messed up, no jobs or none paying enough to live off, abusive authoritarian structures etc. etc.. Then maybe such people would try harder to change their society for the better.

But it's kind of a moot point as we actually have to live in a world where people grow up in boatloads of way unideal situations and then enter a plenty dysfunctional world after that.

[iris lilies]

Two of my friends who were in their late 50s married their long term partners due to health insurance. Only cost $50 for the license, no wait, no tests at their age.

When I got married, military personnel only got off base housing allowance if married. Car insurance cost a huge amount less (we were 19/20) because we were married.

Oh right, we know of a recent death bed nuptial that was about
Social Security benefits.

[catherine]

I also don’t understand why, if marriage the paper is so unimportant, we are supposed to give a f..k about gay people who wish to gain that legal status. It seems illogical to me.

Good point. The piece of paper is a powerful symbol that many don't take that seriously.

[JaneV2.0]

I had to be schooled in how powerful a document a marriage certificate is; I thought a domestic partnership would be good enough. Not at all true.

[Zoe Girl]

My daughter is still recovering from a bad breakup, 6 years together starting when she was 21. She says it feels like a divorce but there is the benefit of not having financial and legal entanglements. Still the emotional impact is no different than a divorce for her.

I was married, before that living together. As the lower earning/non earning spouse it did benefit me. What would have benefited me more would have been a relationship where I was able to keep working and developing a career while he also did. To be fair the structures were not set up to support that, with kids who had some medical issues it was very difficult to work and his employers were not supportive of a fully involved dad 20 years ago. I would have preferred to be able to earn a decent living when we split up rather than all the alimony and child support I did get (thank goodness for that ) however we have lived close, not bashed the other to the kids, and are both pretty decent people (okay he got a lot better with the kids when they became adults). I would say my extended family is the stability for me, my kids, everyone. My sister is my close friend, I get along with my brother okay now, so I would say larger family relationships, and friends who become family, are the foundation for me.

[jp1]

Oh right, we know of a recent death bed nuptial that was about
Social Security benefits.

I hope it was a long slow death. If I recall correctly you have to be married for a period of time (not a long time, maybe a year?) in order to qualify for spousal SS benefits.

[iris lilies]

I hope it was a long slow death. If I recall correctly you have to be married for a period of time (not a long time, maybe a year?) in order to qualify for spousal SS benefits.

I dont know, now that you bring this up. i googled it and it seems that one must be married for 9 months to draw Social Security benefits from a deceased partner.
In the case I know, I dont think he lasted that long. Could be wrong, though.

And sadly it WAS a long drawn out death, tragically so. He was ready to die, but his idiot sister and mother stood wailing at his bedside to “fight fight fight” when he was obviously terminal with lung cancer. So he reluctantly agreed to insertion of tubes that prolonged it all for weeks, and he was allergic to Morphine so there was that added bonus of hell.

[iris lilies]

I am watching our close friends navigate the rocky waters of their daughter’s mental illness and her bouncing around with her young son. The baby daddy, also mentally ill, is out of the picture and that is a good thing. She nearly died from a spider bite and they had to rush around getting custody documents set up to keep the kid out of the hands of baby daddy who hasnt seen him for 5 years.

The mental illness has not subsided despite treatment and of course she will not sign over custody to our friends, the grandparents (well, the baby daddy would have to be brought into that process and keeping that sleeping mad dog away is part of the challange, so it isnt really feasible.) Meanwhile the crazy mom’s super responsible boyfriend shares care of the young child who considers him Daddy. But of course the super responsible boyfriend has no legal rights whatsoever because—that would be too damned good for that little boy! Crazy people have all of the rights.

And when she ran off with another man last year, child in tow, he was shit out of luck in ever seeing his not-legal son.

But crazy mom had a change of heart and came bouncing back to super responsible boyfriend and little kid is back with his “Daddy” while grandma does a ton of child care as well, and crazy mom just works a lot because she likes to impress people with her knowledge and skills, she has a great facade. Until the next man comes along, then it will be crazy town again.

But really, I suppose no amount of legal marrying, or not marrying, or whatever would address these issues. And I do agree with whoever said that if your family junk ends up in the hands of the justice system, you have already lost.

[Teacher Terry]

That is so sad IL. As much as I would have liked to have grandchildren I certainly don’t want to raise them. We met a couple in Yellowstone that were early 70’s raising a 14yo and 2yo. Parents had drug problems.

[Gardnr]

That is so sad IL. As much as I would have liked to have grandchildren I certainly don’t want to raise them. We met a couple in Yellowstone that were early 70’s raising a 14yo and 2yo. Parents had drug problems.

I work with so many people who are raising grandchildren, it's so sad and I just don't get it. 1 is a current employee. The Mom sent her the kids last spring to live with her. Son is in the service wanting full custody. Grandma is driving 2 grandchildren 8h every other Saturday to spend 2w with their Mom. Then she drives up 2w later to pick them up to stay with her for 2w. So besides working full time she spends 16h in a car every other weekend plus an overnight hotel. This is happening for 3 months. Neither are school age yet. And this Grandma is not in a high paying job.

I won't even start on the other stories....suffice to say that a Mom got busted doing heroin in front of her 11 and 13yo girls. And she's been in/out of custody for 9y already...................

Sad doesn't begin to cover the situation these kids are in.