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Thread: Marriage as Bedrock of Soceity?

  1. #21
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    While marriage has been held out as the ideal, especially for women, society also has benefited from single women--"spinsters" and widows. I'm not talking about the past 20 years or so, but historically through the ages.

    Some families designated one daughter to remain single and care for the parents in their old age. Many "maiden aunts" lived with married siblings and provided childcare, extra help during harvest time, an extra pair of hands to cook and sew and clean in the times when all of that had to be done by hand.

    Single women often were the bedrock of church volunteers, when the church was an integral part of the community.

    Now, I'm not saying all these single women were happy about being single. And society certainly looked down on many of them for being single. But it is because they were single that they could provide the extra help that families needed to survive.

  2. #22
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Children deserve stability, men and women and extended family committed to their well-being and to staying around. There is much more than that involved with the foundation/bedrock of society, IMO.

  3. #23
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    My aunt who never married, but worked full time as a teacher and summer jobs too, was continually volunteered for everything at her church. Because she didn’t have children. But somehow those stay at home moms weren’t volunteered cause they were caring for a few kids all day. My aunt was caring for 30 kids all day.

    The injustice of it annoys me to no end.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Your aunt should have learned to say no.

  5. #25
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    Your aunt should have learned to say no.
    Gosh, that is what I thought of immediately. Grow some damn balls, women!

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tammy View Post
    My aunt who never married, but worked full time as a teacher and summer jobs too, was continually volunteered for everything at her church. Because she didn’t have children. But somehow those stay at home moms weren’t volunteered cause they were caring for a few kids all day. My aunt was caring for 30 kids all day. The injustice of it annoys me to no end.
    I hear ya! My first 2 years in the OR I got all the holiday call, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Easter....all of it! I complained to my boss and said "enough"! "But you don't have kids". "Well last I checked my parents did". I'm done covering every damn special day. I'll take 1 thank you. (I started days after my 20th birthday. It took awhile to find my voice in the club). oh, and we never had kids but were/are still after 30y committed to our marriage.

  7. #27
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    I think the overall lack of commitment is a real problem in this country. Marriage seems to be feared. I realize it is a piece of paper ultimately and meaningless without a commitment and that many people have no bother getting rid of it through divorce. And yes, I understand that it is best to leave a marriage when the partner isn't equally committed-no one needs to be a doormat and a batting practice.

    The demise of marriage in this country makes me sad.

    I agree with others that children need a village and the foundation of 2 involved parents.

    I have no answers just sadness that marriage seems unimportant to so many. And at the same time has become hugely revered and desired by same gender couples :-)

    Bedrock? I dunno. Family foundation? Yes.

  8. #28
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    Oh she said no a lot. And they kept asking her to do everything so she said yes sometimes. For 50 years. 🤪

  9. #29
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Cellaneous View Post
    While marriage has been held out as the ideal, especially for women, society also has benefited from single women--"spinsters" and widows. I'm not talking about the past 20 years or so, but historically through the ages.
    ...
    Plus, they were handy targets for the Church to scapegoat at the popular witchcraft trials! (I think occasionally how lucky I am to be living now...)
    Last edited by JaneV2.0; 9-6-18 at 10:29am.

  10. #30
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gardnr View Post
    I agree with others that children need a village and the foundation of 2 involved parents.

    I have no answers just sadness that marriage seems unimportant to so many. And at the same time has become hugely revered and desired by same gender couples :-)

    Bedrock? I dunno. Family foundation? Yes.
    Having seen "marriages" that essentially were house- and money-sharing arrangements and little comfort to those in the marriage, I'm not inclined to award marriage such a high status. DW and I married as a more-conventional public commitment to our bond and for the reasons so many same-sex couples want to marry: marriage in the United States automatically confers legal and economic privileges and protections which arrive pretty much as soon as you both say "I do"; couples (including hetero couples) who are committed to each other but not married have to arrange for those privileges as they can.

    I think society is changing. At one time having a child out of wedlock was scandalous; single parenthood without divorce barely raises eyebrows now. I do believe kids do better with more than one parent but I don't think the parents need to be legally bound to each other or of different genders. The care and ability to nurture is more important, almost regardless of where they come from.

    ETA: regarding work assumptions for people without kids, I saw that as a male, too. In my first career-type job, overtime was encouraged -- especially for me, the youngest of the crew and unmarried. The reason given for them wanting me to do more overtime was that my (almost exclusively male) coworkers had families. My response was that they did -- but I had to manage work and my life by myself, not with the help of a wife home to get and cook groceries or of kids to mow the lawn. I worked about as much overtime as they did. Their argument didn't sell me.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

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