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Thread: Economic Outpatient Care

  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gardnr View Post
    My SIL did that for her sons (my brother died when they were teens). However, her oldest son's home is his and SILs. She refuses to put her DIL on it. And for the younger son? She gave them the downpayment. Her name is not on their home and her DIL is......it creates tremendous anger from the DIL not 'trusted' towards her MIL.

    Treat kids equally if you do anything!
    Very true! It's odd that she did that, but maybe it will all resolve after SIL's death? That's what I'm guessing with the grandparents I mentioned above, that they will have a will stating that the spouses involved will inherit. Just a guess, though.

  2. #62
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    I struggled with this concept when it was posted. I suppose I fall somewhere in the middle. Two of my three kids went to college and I paid half of each. Both paid off their half within three years of graduating. I thought that showed great maturity on their part. One of them asked for a down payment on a house. I had the money but I didnít give it. I had purchased a new vehicle for her, albeit the cheapest import one can buy. I felt Iíd done plenty and didnít want to enable her to get into a house she couldnít afford. She found a way to get the house anyway. I purchased a used vehicle for the other college graduate. And I bailed out one after Harvey flooded him out and ruined two cars and the bottom floor of his house.

    And then there is he third child who I never spent much on. The oldest, didnít get a car or college tuition. But I see him needing financial support for a long time...and Iíll try to catch him up as I am able. When I was their age, I received zip, zero, nada in the way of financial assistance. I think it was easier back then to be stable and slowly grind your way up the middle class ladder. Today, Iím afraid the rungs on the ladder have been removed.

  3. #63
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Williamsmith View Post
    The oldest, didn’t get a car or college tuition. But I see him needing financial support for a long time...and I’ll try to catch him up as I am able. When I was their age, I received zip, zero, nada in the way of financial assistance. I think it was easier back then to be stable and slowly grind your way up the middle class ladder. Today, I’m afraid the rungs on the ladder have been removed.
    It's so hard to keep things "equal" when you have several children. I had it in my head that I wanted to give a certain amount of money to each kid, for their choice of either a wedding or a down payment on a house. College education had already been taken care of for 3 of the 4 that went to college. So, do I give MORE to the kid who DIDN'T avail himself of a free undergrad education paid for by Mom and Dad? Do I give LESS to the kid who chose a private liberal arts college over the state school that her brothers went to? (And which I am STILL paying off?). It gets a bit complicated.

    My grandfather gifted me a college education. My extremely generous MIL gave us the down payment on our house out of the money she inherited from her mother. But I have never asked for the money. I consider myself to be pretty independent and resist taking help from anyone. Maybe that's simply a personality trait rather then not being a product of indulgent parenting. My parents certainly weren't indulgent because they couldn't be--they had no money. Im sure there are many factors at play.

    So I have on my wall in NJ a "I will retire when...." slip of note paper with several things listed on it for me to check off. This little goal I have for my kids is one of those things.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  4. #64
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    Iím like your older child - my 3 younger siblings all got a lot more than I did. I never have given it much thought but my dad has apologized several times for it. I always attributed it to my getting married at age 19 and moving out, when dad wanted me to get 4-6 years of college first. The other 3 followed his wishes until age 25-30 or even later. He can have a lot of opinions ... and I only have my one precious life and I value my autonomy.

    Anyway Iím interested WilliamSmith in your reasons/situation that the oldest did not get as much ...

  5. #65
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tammy View Post
    Iím like your older child - my 3 younger siblings all got a lot more than I did. I never have given it much thought but my dad has apologized several times for it. I always attributed it to my getting married at age 19 and moving out, when dad wanted me to get 4-6 years of college first. The other 3 followed his wishes until age 25-30 or even later. He can have a lot of opinions ... and I only have my one precious life and I value my autonomy.

    Anyway Iím interested WilliamSmith in your reasons/situation that the oldest did not get as much ...
    Reasons I think follow the manner of assistance....loans and the need.....immediate. He did not want to go to college so that whole snowball never got rolling. He went to a job skill school that placed him in the tool and die industry. But the owners of these tool and die shops both reap the profits and pay themselves three digit salaries while they pay their workers below living wages, skimpy benefits and no retirement plan.

    Then he married early in life due to an unplanned pregnancy of a girlfriend. His first vehicle purchase I insisted he sign his own loan for. If I had co-signed he would have paid a much lower interest rate. But I refuse to co-sign anything for anyone. I still feel a bit guilty about that, but when he divorced and got screwed with the car that was underwater several thousand dollars, I bailed him out and got him into a car he could afford on a monthly payment.

    He has no plans for retirement, no active preparation, lives day to day and has no savings. I subsidize his phone bill and car insurance by paying for it myself because I have the savings to pay the car insurance on an annual basis which is cheaper than monthly. And I can get him cheaper telephone service on my plan. He pays me back a monthly agreed upon amount.

    It all is is based on my belief that in the future....heís going to need to keep coming back to me for assistance while the other two are independent. But, my resources are not without limitation and anything I give to my children I take from my buffer against personal financial hardship.

  6. #66
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    I remember applying for a credit card and being turned down, back in the dayof the 1980’s, mainly because credit was hard to get. I was miffed about that because I was saving $250 a month which was like $600 in today’s dollars. I wanted a credit card because I wanted to build credit because I wanted to buy a house.

    Somewhere in there I remember my father offering to co-sign something, was it a credit card or a mortgage or? Surely my parents had enough sense not to co-sign a mortgage! But I told him no, I want to do this myself, and there were those credit cards where you had money in the bank to cover them, but still paid on them, to build credit. But as it turns out I didn't need it anyway, my real estate agent said mortgages are easier to get (?) and anyway, I got a mortgage with no parental aid.

    My parents helped plenty, though, paid half of undergrad and all of post grad, the latter only 3 semesters at a state school.

    I started out in adult life with no debt—my car was paid for (I had bought it myself) no school debt, and $1,000 launch gift from my parents. That was a ton of money then! By then my own bank account was exhasuted from going to school and not working. I used that money for apartment deposit and banked the rest, and it was the beginning of my wealth building activity.
    Last edited by iris lilies; 9-24-18 at 10:46am.

  7. #67
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I didn't get any help, but state college was easily affordable back then, and I worked my way through. I did get a small inheritance thirty years later. I guess I'm a self-made woman.

  8. #68
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    WS, can’t your son move to a bigger area and work for a bigger company? My ex had a master’s degree in math and made more money as a tool and die maker than he could using his degree. He worked weekends often for time and a half and double time. Supported 5 of us and paid cash for my 4 college degrees. Plus we saved money. Small shops pay nothing and DH never worked at one. He drove daily from Kenosha to Milwaukee for work. Housing cheap in Kenosha (still is). If I remember right he lives in small town Wisconsin.

  9. #69
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    The toilet broke, so roomate said “we need to call a plumber.” Dd bought an $8 part and fixed the toilet.
    i struggle to understand this too, you are renters, why don't you just contact the landlord or manager. Even they would probably prefer this than to have ever tenant suddenly decide they are into DIY.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  10. #70
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    ANM,

    yes, ideally as a renter you call the landlord when something breaks and he fixes it.

    practically - as a young woman renting one of the two notably worst places in a nice neighborhood, whose landlord owns multiple properties throughout the city, including the one next door which is in worse shape than yours, if you want a working toilet this week, you either fix it or get it fixed and then argue with the landlord later. Dd is just as capable of fixing a toilet as she is of closing a window.

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