Economic Outpatient Care

[Teacher Terry]

When we had rentals we didn’t want tenants fixing things themselves but we did fix things promptly.

[Ultralight]

Seems like many of us are not as "self-made" as we might like to think we are.

[Ultralight]

It's so hard to keep things "equal" when you have several children. I had it in my head that I wanted to give a certain amount of money to each kid, for their choice of either a wedding or a down payment on a house. College education had already been taken care of for 3 of the 4 that went to college. So, do I give MORE to the kid who DIDN'T avail himself of a free undergrad education paid for by Mom and Dad? Do I give LESS to the kid who chose a private liberal arts college over the state school that her brothers went to? (And which I am STILL paying off?). It gets a bit complicated.

My grandfather gifted me a college education. My extremely generous MIL gave us the down payment on our house out of the money she inherited from her mother. But I have never asked for the money. I consider myself to be pretty independent and resist taking help from anyone. Maybe that's simply a personality trait rather then not being a product of indulgent parenting. My parents certainly weren't indulgent because they couldn't be--they had no money. Im sure there are many factors at play.

So I have on my wall in NJ a "I will retire when...." slip of note paper with several things listed on it for me to check off. This little goal I have for my kids is one of those things.

Have you read MND? It will illuminate some of the topics you are touching on.

[Ultralight]

Reasons I think follow the manner of assistance....loans and the need.....immediate. He did not want to go to college so that whole snowball never got rolling. He went to a job skill school that placed him in the tool and die industry. But the owners of these tool and die shops both reap the profits and pay themselves three digit salaries while they pay their workers below living wages, skimpy benefits and no retirement plan.

Then he married early in life due to an unplanned pregnancy of a girlfriend. His first vehicle purchase I insisted he sign his own loan for. If I had co-signed he would have paid a much lower interest rate. But I refuse to co-sign anything for anyone. I still feel a bit guilty about that, but when he divorced and got screwed with the car that was underwater several thousand dollars, I bailed him out and got him into a car he could afford on a monthly payment.

He has no plans for retirement, no active preparation, lives day to day and has no savings. I subsidize his phone bill and car insurance by paying for it myself because I have the savings to pay the car insurance on an annual basis which is cheaper than monthly. And I can get him cheaper telephone service on my plan. He pays me back a monthly agreed upon amount.

It all is is based on my belief that in the future....he’s going to need to keep coming back to me for assistance while the other two are independent. But, my resources are not without limitation and anything I give to my children I take from my buffer against personal financial hardship.

The MND has a section called "Weakening the Weak." It is worth read the book and that section especially.

[iris lilies]

Seems like many of us are not as "self-made" as we might like to think we are.

I am super dooper middle class with all of the cushion that implies. Have never claimed to be anything else.

But I can save money like a MF and my parents were happy about that. My mother used to urge me to “let loose, spend some of that!” Hahah. And one time I went on a shopping trip with her and bought a coffee table because, ya know, your house has to have a coffee table she said. Ugh always hated that coffee table. News flash: one’s houses does NOT need tomjave a coffee table and we dont have one today.

I remember thinking, when she urged me to spend some of my stash, whot, you want me to be a bag lady!!!???

[Ultralight]

Getting kicked out of my parents house in high school taught me that I had to work to pay all my bills.

But man, that student loan blind spot of mine. That is what really zinged me! haha

[Chicken lady]

My heart daughter believes (believed?) in self made people. At one point she owned a twelve year old car and two trash bags of clothing and books. The car was also her house. She was too stubborn to take anything from anybody (I also think there were some deep seated issues about “deserving” things) she had a lot of very hard years, during which we helped her as much as she would let us.

and then finally she got in a tough spot, and she had a kid. And she looked at the kid and she took a deep breath and came to me and said “I need to borrow $900.” And I said “sure thing. You want a check now, or cash tomorrow?” And she said cash, because she didn’t have a bank account. And she cried.

it’s been 7 years. She has learned that it’s ok to let me hand her groceries or front the power bill now and then. We were able to cover a semester of tuition, and I think we were the proudest “parents” in the room at her graduation. She has a master’s degree, and a house (and a mortgage) and a new very old car, and a job that disqualifies her for government services and provides benefits.

anybody who doesn’t need help sometime is pretty lucky. And I think a lot of people think they didn’t need it because it was early, pervasive, and normal.

but if your kids actually need help and you can help them, I think you do.

[Ultralight]

My heart daughter believes (believed?) in self made people. At one point she owned a twelve year old car and two trash bags of clothing and books. The car was also her house. She was too stubborn to take anything from anybody (I also think there were some deep seated issues about “deserving” things) she had a lot of very hard years, during which we helped her as much as she would let us.

and then finally she got in a tough spot, and she had a kid. And she looked at the kid and she took a deep breath and came to me and said “I need to borrow $900.” And I said “sure thing. You want a check now, or cash tomorrow?” And she said cash, because she didn’t have a bank account. And she cried.

it’s been 7 years. She has learned that it’s ok to let me hand her groceries or front the power bill now and then. We were able to cover a semester of tuition, and I think we were the proudest “parents” in the room at her graduation. She has a master’s degree, and a house (and a mortgage) and a new very old car, and a job that disqualifies her for government services and provides benefits.

anybody who doesn’t need help sometime is pretty lucky. And I think a lot of people think they didn’t need it because it was early, pervasive, and normal.

but if your kids actually need help and you can help them, I think you do.

Ms. Buck taught me to read. Ms. Stickney taught me to like it. My dad taught me to come up with a plan and execute it. Martial arts taught me some self-discipline.

I am not self-made. Who is? Right?

[jp1]

My mother used to urge me to “let loose, spend some of that!” Hahah. And one time I went on a shopping trip with her and bought a coffee table because, ya know, your house has to have a coffee table she said. Ugh always hated that coffee table. News flash: one’s houses does NOT need to have a coffee table and we dont have one today.

Your mother is/was very different from mine. When I went to visit my parents sometime around age 30 I borrowed their car to go visit friends. I'd gone through a fast food drive through window and my change was $.04. I tossed the four pennies in the tray space on the dashboard. The next day my mother handed them to me and told me that every penny counts...

And my entire childhood we did not have a coffee table. But somehow I lived. SO and I do have a coffee table but we got it on super double special sale at Ikea for $15. The legs started breaking off the first time I tried to drag it aside so I could vacuum under it because...Ikea. 12 years later we still have it. Instead of sitting on the original legs it sits on two of the $20 Target pods that used to make up our living room credenza.

[iris lilies]

Oh, my mom was proud that I was frugal and could save money. She just liked to needle me now and then about my riches.