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Thread: dealing with not simple emotions

  1. #11
    Senior Member dmc's Avatar
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    The wife talked the kids into moving here. It is definatly a job for her, I told them up front not to count on me to babysit, I’ll do it accationally, just don’t plan on it. We have a 5 year old grandson who is in kinderguarden, so he is taken care of. The granddaughter just turned 3, my wife watches her on MWF, the other days she goes to pre school.

    We also told them they have to have a backup as we take a lot of trips that may mean we won’t be there all the time. Of coarse it’s not a problem, but the day care places charge. Grandma is free day care, free food, free transportation, and also buys a bunch of stuff if they want it.

    We are both happy that we get to see them a lot. We have another grandson in Chicago, we visit and take him on vacations a few times a year. That also is fine.

  2. #12
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    Pinkytoe, we are grappling with a similar situation, do we move to Maine to be closer to 2 of the 3 grandchildren. Last week my dil's parents thought they gotten a house out there and I really felt shook and kind of jealous and upset. Turns out they were outbid in a best and highest offer situation-- 4 offers on the house in the first 15 minutes. That is the kind of market it is.

    It would have been good for my kids to have them there. But it still made me feel hurt and jealous. My other grandson is already completely consumed by his other grandparents--every holiday, every weekend, babysitting, etc.

    I don't know, I had twins myself and they will need a lot of help and support. If I were you, I would be selling and moving back. But it is so an individual decision, and so complicated! I'll let you know what we end up doing.

  3. #13
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    I have moved a lot and the older you get the harder it is to make friends unless you move into a 55 community. PT, I guess you guys will have to look at your reasons for moving and what has changed besides the grand kids. I would travel there a few times a year if I liked Colorado and move back if I didn’t. My parents were very much involved grandparent with my kids but I have zero interest in doing the same when and if I get any.

  4. #14
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkytoe View Post
    To clarify, we have no desire to be babysitters and are kind of shocked that the other grandparents are so willing. If and when we ever move back, it would be to a more affordable small town nearby. Being available 24-7 is not in the plan. As with all decisions, we will give it time and enjoy where we are for now. Going for a visit in a week...and will re-acquaint myself with dirty diapers and spit-up

    ...aaaaaaaand will come back to CO thinking “ praise the Lord I dont have to deal with that chaos and mess.”


    oh, wait— those are the thoughts of Iris Lily who is NOT The Baby Whisperer.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    ...aaaaaaaand will come back to CO thinking “ praise the Lord I dont have to deal with that chaos and mess.”


    oh, wait— those are the thoughts of Iris Lily who is NOT The Baby Whisperer.
    Or your experience may be very differently. I remember going to visit my granddaughter when she was around three and her dad told her I was leaving the next day. She burst into tears and started crying, "Grandmother, don't go." Then, after I had gone, she told her mother she didn't want anyone to come visit anymore because it hurt so much when they left.

    So get ready, lots of things may change your thinking.

  6. #16
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    Or your experience may be very differently. I remember going to visit my granddaughter when she was around three and her dad told her I was leaving the next day. She burst into tears and started crying, "Grandmother, don't go." Then, after I had gone, she told her mother she didn't want anyone to come visit anymore because it hurt so much when they left.

    So get ready, lots of things may change your thinking.
    Three year olds are a lot more fun than babies.

  7. #17
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkytoe View Post
    To clarify, we have no desire to be babysitters and are kind of shocked that the other grandparents are so willing. If and when we ever move back, it would be to a more affordable small town nearby. Being available 24-7 is not in the plan. As with all decisions, we will give it time and enjoy where we are for now. Going for a visit in a week...and will re-acquaint myself with dirty diapers and spit-up
    Sounds like a plan.

    My post was an insufficiently-caffeinated attempt to provide another line of thinking for the situation. I did not at all read into your post that you wanted to move back to full-time babysitting -- and, honestly, I'm surprised, too, that the closer grandparents volunteered to do that. Just pointing out some of the elements of watching two babies and that there is a lining among the clouds. I'm guessing the will will make a way and that you and DH will find ways to engage with the grandkids as they get older, whether it's moving closer or picking them up for (stay)cation trips or whatever.
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  8. #18
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    I figure that by the time they are 3-5 all sorts of things may change. That is my favorite age - not much for babies anyway. The ironic thing is that DD is following the same trajectory I did as her spouse is totally tied to his parents and their wishes. They have even built them a little cabin on their ranch already and every single holiday has been spent together at one of their houses. I always resented my in-laws cloying ways so it will be interesting to see how DD adapts to the same dynamic over time. I can only watch from afar and go about my business here.

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