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Thread: Whew, did the hard thing

  1. #1
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    Whew, did the hard thing

    I got a text from my former employee (the one with the DUI and all) and she was applying for a job with my new district. I said I could give her a reference based on her improvement she made before I left but I would be honest about her attendance. Apparently she was also applying at our old district and interviewed with my old boss. He told her that the past was water under the bridge and she had a chance. Then they said no, of course upsetting.

    Before I had done the reference she texted me blaming me and what I put in her file, said that she was not every going to work again. So I told the person who interviewed her that I couldn't do the reference after all. She seems to be unstable again, my other long term staff called me because she had to hang up the phone basically when she started to make no sense. It was a horribly hard experience. I was pulled to over-empathizing because I had such a bad 6 months, missed paperwork, starting to lose my temper, and even big mistakes. I really think a little understanding in fall would have made a difference. So I always want to give people a chance, but I am not like her. I had 7 previous years of really good work. (on a side note I heard that many people are bugging the new PS and saying that I was much more organized, got things done, etc. Kinda hope my old boss is listening and putting in perspective the late email I sent compared to running childcare and 25 clubs).

    I think what is sticking with me is that I always want to help. It is not as strong as wanting to fix people, but I really want to help. With a couple skills and background I have I think I could be a really good personal coach. Right now is all about taking time and recovery however. Teaching some crochet on the side but not anything more. My brain still needs rest.

  2. #2
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Thank you for not participating in an effort to pass this employee onto a new workplace that will suffer her poor performance.

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    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    You did the right thing. I once gave a classmate a reference to help her get a fresh start when I shouldn’t have. It did not go well. Learned my lesson.

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    I think it is an excellent idea to not give one a recommendation if you would not rehire them yourself. Otherwise, you are not acting honestly, and you will feel bad.

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    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    In my experience in the corporate world, it's actually against HR policy to tell prospective employers any more than the fact that that person worked there and specific dates of employment. That would let you off the hook, but I don't know if that policy holds in the public sector.
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    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    It does now. In the past references were totally different. The one I talked about I gave 30 years ago.

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    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    In my experience in the corporate world, it's actually against HR policy to tell prospective employers any more than the fact that that person worked there and specific dates of employment. That would let you off the hook, but I don't know if that policy holds in the public sector.
    In my public sector job one did not mention the name of our employer, i.e. no letterhead and etc, but one could give a “personal reference”. I never really understood this well, so for the few references
    I gave, I was vague about details. Only our HR dept was authorized to give specific dates of employment. One time a landlord called me to check on one of my employees for renting. I sent him straight to HR even though
    I was sorely tempted to tell him “her job is in jeopardy because I am seriously considering firing her.”

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    In my experience in the corporate world, it's actually against HR policy to tell prospective employers any more than the fact that that person worked there and specific dates of employment. That would let you off the hook, but I don't know if that policy holds in the public sector.
    this is an entirely different thing than being a reference. But as I understand it that employee has bad things in their file for a school district and that's the problem. They might also want additional help in getting a job with another district (an inside recommendation).

    As for the district with bad things in their file it would be like trying to get rehired at a company where things didn't go well, even if years have passed, they probably have stuff in their files (well maybe very little actually, if fired without warning but at least the firing, but if not fired and merely having disciplinary action then all of those).
    Trees don't grow on money

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    Wow, this is worse than I imagined. I got a call from the director of all our programs who said that L was calling and calling. They got a reference that was pretty negative so that meant only 2 of the required 3. Then L started telling them it was my fault, and threatened to go to HR for defamation of character. The director was very glad they didn't hire her. She called me to warn me if L tried to call me.

    So I am learning a lot, probably that I should have been more honest and direct with her a long time ago. It was really hard however, she was doing better under me but I think I took too much crap. So some of me not believing that I was worth more than having crap for staff. Or having support from supervisors. I recall that HR kept her when she went to jail, and when I talked to supervisors about setting some goals with her but also thinking she couldn't make it, and asked what they could offer for coverage support. Big silence at the table.

    And I know my file is horrible, I won't try to go back. Just move forward and always have a few people that can be a reference for you.

  10. #10
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    Zoe, I suspect this woman was a train wreck that would have happened no matter what you could have done. You probably gave her more support and leeway than others. I have also met people who "know" that all their problems are someone else's fault.

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