Originally Posted by
Ultralight
Something I find interesting about online dating are the 35-45 year old women who "definitely" want kids. So, on match.com you can select:
-No
-No, but it is okay if my partner has kids
-Probably not
-Not sure
-Someday
-Definitely
There are even plenty of women in the 45-50 range that "definitely" want kids. And there are tons of women in the 35-45 range who "someday" want kids.
Here is my thought. Any guy worth having kids with is probably going to take his time, vet the woman he is dating, and also want to take some time to just enjoy life as a couple. Let me break this down.
Let's say a great guy, age 36. 6'2", 180 lbs. advanced degree, good job, loves his mom, owns a nice car and house, etc. who has no kids meets a 35 year old woman who "definitely" wants kids.
The guy, if he is a good dude, is going to want to date for a least a year to make sure she is a good match. So then she is 36. Then maybe they live together for a year so he can make sure they can live together harmoniously. Then she is 37. Then he proposes and the engagement is a very reasonable year. She is then 38. Then he wants to just enjoy life as a couple -- go on weekend getaways, go to amusement parks, take vacations or go on a couple cruises, maybe finish the basement, repaint the bedrooms, get some money saved, etc. This takes a year or two. So by then that women who "definitely" wanted kids at age 35 is 40 years old. She is running out of eggs and some of the ones left are "low qual."
Or that 35 year old woman who "definitely" wants kids can speed the process up by several means.
-She could get an formal or informal donor, and have a kid on her own first, then try to find a quality husband. But most good dudes are very apprehensive about dating single moms.
-She could go partway through the long process described above, trick the guy into impregnating her, and hope he forgives her or that he believes her 99.8% effective IUD actually did fail.
-She could tell herself that she will go through the long process above and then simply adopt a baby when she and her partner are in their 40s. (Big reveal: Ain't gonna happen!)
-She could forget about having a husband and just get a formal or informal donor, have the kid, and focus on that.
-She could do the math and think: "Do I want to wait until it is probably too late to get a decent man because I am so fixated on having a family or do I want to make a compromise and be with a man who does not want kids? This way I at least get part of what I want -- the husband."
Thoughts?