Online dating or hookups, beware

[Ultralight]

I asked approximately 20 single moms The Bomb Shelter question. A few refused to answer -- which I was fine with. A couple with what they claimed were horrible exes said they would save the new husband. One crazy woman said she would let both men in and then she would get blowed up by the rooskies. I did not believe her.

Most women say they would save their baby-daddy (or daddies).

And in many ways, it makes sense for them to do so. But more to the point: The emotions for the baby-daddy are strong!

I would like someone to ask single dads this question!

[herbgeek]

It may not be that there is still a lot of emotion for the baby daddy, but that they wouldn't want to deprive their child of both parents.

[Ultralight]

It may not be that there is still a lot of emotion for the baby daddy, but that they wouldn't want to deprive their child of both parents.

Right. And that makes sense in a lot of ways.

[Tammy]

That question would feel to me the same as making me choose which of my children can’t enter the bunker.

The woman loved one man and now loves another - but that doesn’t mean she hates the one she used to love.

We need a better understanding of polyamory and serial monogamy. We can love more than one person. We accept that idea in friendships and families, but not in romantic relationships.

[Ultralight]

That question would feel to me the same as making me choose which of my children can’t enter the bunker.

The woman loved one man and now loves another - but that doesn’t mean she hates the one she used to love.

We need a better understanding of polyamory and serial monogamy. We can love more than one person. We accept that idea in friendships and families, but not in romantic relationships.

Are you poly?

I think most men would not want to see a moment of hesitation from their wife in such a scenario or even just when considering the question. haha

But I think it is better for men to just accept that if they are the new husband and a woman has kids by another man then as the new husband they are just a lower priority or not quite as important as the father of her kids.

[Teacher Terry]

I think accepting that you are lower is garbage. My husband would choose me. It would be a horrible situation to have to experience.

[razz]

Maybe, I am out of touch with the world as it is at present but I loved my DH for the qualities he exhibited. The 'bomb shelter' question would have negated most of what he stood for - service to others, loyalty to family, honesty/accuracy in all that he did, empathy often expressed with a wink and sharing, game for most of my ideas and partner in our adventures, cute smile and gorgeous blue eyes when happy and grey when sad. It was not about him but about others and giving to them. So, I don't understand much of this discussion.

Good thing that DH was a major part of my life and may explain why despite a number of suggestions to look online for a new partner, I am quite happy with my little beagle and friends for company and conversation.

Dare I suggest that this discussion is beginning to sound like a market place when one examines the merchandise for sale, checking the teeth for quality. Is it just me or are others getting this impression? If yes, so be it. If not just me, how could the discussion enlarge and what could be included?

[herbgeek]

Dare I suggest that this discussion is beginning to sound like a market place when one examines the merchandise for sale, checking the teeth for quality.

Seems silly to me to disregard potential partners - or even friendships- just based on their answer to a purely hypothetical question. What really matters to me is the actual behavior I observe. But I suppose if you have way more interest in you than you can handle, that a theoretical question is as good a way as any to whittle down the candidates.

[Teacher Terry]

20 years ago when many of my friends were newly single in their 40’s they used online dating. On average people had between 12-18 different people before finding the one. Everyone ended up remarried. By the time someone is in their 60’s it may just be too much trouble.

[bae]

Online dating in my area is a bit odd.

The county is made up entirely of islands, offshore the US. Right between Vancouver BC, Victoria BC, and Bellingham & Anacortes USA.

If you set the "search radius" on the main online dating tools to 15 miles, you get most of the people in the county. At 16-17 miles, you begin picking up hundreds of people, but they are all in Canada or the US mainland.

Now, the in-county population of people using the non-instant-hookup dating sites seems to be very small. As in, I recognize every single person on my island on the site (all 8 of them) and most of the ones from the neighboring islands (all 12 of them).

But once you go past the in-county boundary, you have hundreds of hits, but, you have a many-hour logistical problem to solve to see someone in person.

So far, for local folks, I've found it handier to just go into the village and talk to people at the market or restaurants, or go to local events and chat face-to-face.