Online dating or hookups, beware

[Teacher Terry]

When most of my friends got divorced 22 years ago they all did online dating. All ended up with their present partners after going on between 15-20 dates.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Short is good if you are short yourself = perfect height for kissing.

[Teacher Terry]

Height doesn’t matter. I had 2 female friends that were 6ft tall that married men who were 5’9”.

[JaneV2.0]

...
My days of online dating attempts were disappointing and are over. The women I met did not represent themselves honestly and it was becoming a waste of time. I can't recall where I heard it, but there was a number floating around that you had to meet up with something like 12 people on average before finding someone you would date more than once or twice. I suppose if you make a big project of it you get a good match at some point.

Yes--but isn't that true no matter how you meet people? When I was unattached, I figured maybe one of a hundred men were of interest; On-line questionnaires would probably narrow that down somewhat. But--as I noted--there's no accounting for chemistry.

[Rogar]

Yes--but isn't that true no matter how you meet people? When I was unattached, I figured maybe one of a hundred men were of interest; On-line questionnaires would probably narrow that down somewhat. But--as I noted--there's no accounting for chemistry.

No argument from me. I was merely pointing out there there are some pitfalls to internet dating that are different from meeting people the "old fashioned" way. For people who want a partner right here and now and haven't had luck through work, social groups, introductions through friends, or casual person to person meet ups I think it's great. However it can become more of a focused project.

[JaneV2.0]

Introductions by friends were the worst! I discouraged any and all blind dates and still got blindsided a couple of times. My friends obviously hated me.

[bae]

After some initial experimentation, I have switched to an entirely in-person approach, and that is going swimmingly well. Local folks of interest to me are already mostly known to me already, and a simple chat, meet-and-coffee, and whatnot seem to be productive. And folks outside my immediate area I have been making initial in-person contacts at events of mutual interest to us all, which serves as a great initial selection sieve, as my interests both for people to hang out with, or to perhaps entertain closer relationships with, are a bit difficult to "match".

(Vaguely-related, I may write up my experiences this last 4 days at a residential retreat/seminar, where of the 24 people present, I was pretty much the only sorta-cis-standard-male, and almost everyone else was a queer female. It was an absolutely fascinating and educational experience to be in this space with so many focused and caring people, and great advisors. I made quite a few friends, and some who perhaps may be more. It was really transformative.)

[Tammy]

I would love to hear about that, Bae. My daughter and son in law are polyamorous, which led me to recently read “the ethical slut” to gain a better understanding of these non-traditional life choices.

[Ultralight]

I am just taking a break from dating. I have a lot of stuff going on. For one thing in the immediate -- I want my eye to heal up. haha

But also, I am contending with this compulsive overeating problem. This requires me to go to meetings, do readings, talk with my sponsor, and so forth. At one time I had a hold of the fork; now the fork has a hold of me. So I need to deal with this.

Another thing is that I need to keep focused on building my emergency fund back up and managing my personal finances better.

So I just have some things going on, some good habits I am working on building up, and I just don't have the time or wherewithal at the moment to do much dating.

[SteveinMN]

So I just have some things going on, some good habits I am working on building up, and I just don't have the time or wherewithal at the moment to do much dating.

A (laudable) position which requires no justification. We all have only so much energy each day and you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. Good luck!