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Thread: What do you do to avoid sexual assault?

  1. #11
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    UL, everyone has their own boundaries, but that behavior is definitely sexual harassment and a case could be made for assault based on the clip board incident. At minimum I would speak to her.

    i unconsciously avoid assault by avoiding time in unsafe situations and not associating with the sort of people who assault people. I had a referral from my primary care physician one time and I went back to him and told him that I needed another referral because while the doctor had not done anything specifically objectionable, there had been something about his manner that made me feel uncomfortable and that was not acceptable to me. The second referral was excellent.

    clipboard lady would have been way past my red lines.

  2. #12
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    I survived a rape attempt. Verbal noes did not work. What stopped it was that I started to cry. I knew my assailant and when we went to court he admitted what he did and said he did not think he did anything wrong. That did not go over well with the judge, who did issue the restraining order I had requested.

    That happened almost three decades ago and I will never forget it. I was in my twenties, and cannot imagine how much harder it must have been for Dr. Ford at age 15.

    To think you can avoid this is magical thinking. There is no guarantee unless you are a hermit.

  3. #13
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    I have been sexually assaulted by men and women in the past.

    I don't talk about it much.

    I these days can repel most any single-person attempt at groping and whatnot, and I simply don't let people within arm's reach most of the time. I don't drink in public. I try to be very situationally aware.

    When I engage in activities of the sorts that might invite certain types of people to transgress my boundaries, I usually do so in a public space amidst groups of people who understand active consent culture, and typically where there are people devoted to the task of making sure things are OK - and even still, last year my consent boundaries were crossed horribly.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    I'm average looking, but being well-endowed, I've sometimes gotten comments. Cultivating a "b*tch resting face" and a very vicious sarcasm has stopped virtually everyone who has tried something with me.

    There was that one incident at work last year (see separate thread someone else bumped) with a warehouse temp.

    As for when I'm out and about, I'm careful where I am after dark. Not only do I refuse to drink in public, I rarely drink at all. I carry a concealed pistol. I have good situational awareness, and I'm not afraid of making eye contact. There have been one or two times when being loud and vulgar in public ("Get away from me you stupid motherf'er!") has sent someone scurrying away.

    I am NOT nice when telling someone off or to get away from me.

  5. #15
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    I did get bitten once by a little kid who chomped down on a fluoride tray before I ensured that it was properly inserted.
    In Canada, a registered professional cannot date a patient so a complaint by a dental patient to the regulatory college would have initiated discipline proceedings against the dental hygienist Not sure how it works in the US.

  6. #16
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    No issues anymore for me as I am old. It was a problem when young. When I was 16 I told the district manager to stop touching my ass or I was telling my dad. That was the end of it. I have had incidents when men touched me and I started yelling loud. Yeah fun times - not!

  7. #17
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    We couldn’t date a client until they had ceased to be a client for 2 years. This was in human services.

  8. #18
    Senior Member flowerseverywhere's Avatar
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    I asked this because I have had many discussions lately about sexual assault. If you bring it up almost everyone remembers specific incidents. A woman I know who managed to escape a rapist (she was jogging in a park in daylight) always carries a gun and frequently goes to shooting practice. Checking the backseat of your car before you get in, not getting in an elevator if you have any inkling it is weird, not drinking at bar, or if you do drinking a beer you keep in your hand so it does not get drugged. Meeting a date at a public place. The last thing you do before going to bed is checking all the doors. so many instinctual things men and women do. Amazing how often people are sexually and physically assaulted, despite how careful they try to be. As I talked about it it was clear many people keep quiet about it.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Gardenarian's Avatar
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    I was sexually assaulted by a doctor.
    I was only 20 or so when it happened. I was very sick and feverish and didn't realize immediately what was going on and thought I must have been mistaken, until I was sure I wasn't. (Since then I avoid being in a room alone with a male doctor or nurse - difficult at times.)

    I also had an incident at the dentist similar to UL's - the dentist kept 'accidentally' touching my breasts. I now wear thick bras and heavy shirts to the dentist (a different dentist, of course.) Hard to raise hell in the middle of a root canal!

    I had a stalker in college - I didn't realize it until he followed me home and tried to grab me. I thought we just had similar schedules. He hung outside my building and I called the cops, they came and talked to him and I never heard anything else, or saw him again. I changed my subway stop and moved as soon as I could.

    Lots of little stuff - guys who won't leave you alone on the beach, guys who get angry that you won't get in their car, that kind of thing.

    As a young adult I had a growth problem and was very small (didn't reach my full height till age 25.) I also looked about 15, and I was living in the city on my own. Apparently I looked like prey to the predators out there. I did take self defense and karate in high school.

    I don't feel like I was really traumatized by this stuff. I concluded that most men were depraved, rude, insensitive, and a bit thick. Live and learn.

    Today - I do park in well-lighted places, I carry a heavy flashlight, I check the backseat of my car before getting in, I have my phone with me, I let DH know where I am and when to expect me. And I have a good-sized dog.

    When I was younger and out partying a lot we all had lots of strategies for dealing with aggressive guys - they mainly involving not getting wasted and not ever being alone with men we were at all unsure of. I never wore 'sexy' clothing (tho i may have wanted to.) Oh, and I'd put my long hair up in a braid or bun, especially when walking on busy streets. Guys seem to think long, loose hair means you're asking for catcalls and smartass remarks. I wonder if that's still true?

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    My long-term strategy seems to work: aging. Lately no one is asking me if I want a walnetto.

    It is a compelling topic, and I take everybody's story with serious attention. Still, there is a humorous aspect to the Rowan and Martin Laugh In comedy sketches performed by Arne Johnson and Ruth Buzzey.

    There is a YouTube video of Johnson offering a Walnetto to Buzzey "Tyrone Needs a Powerhouse". (I was not able to make a link that works.) Reviewing several of these sketches, I note that usually Buzzey strikes Johnson repeatedly with a handbag, knocking him to the ground... and the laugh track roars.


    Catherine, I suspect I too have aged out of the time when I would be a prime target for groping. But I hear that there is no lack of sexuality in nursing homes and assisted living.

    When I say I am a sexagenarian, I have a twinkle in my eye.

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