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Thread: What do you do to avoid sexual assault?

  1. #1
    Senior Member flowerseverywhere's Avatar
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    What do you do to avoid sexual assault?

    Te dating and living world is very different than it was when I was a young woman. Do you have any strategies that you use, conscious or unconscious to avoid sexual assault?

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    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    My long-term strategy seems to work: aging. Lately no one is asking me if I want a walnetto.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

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    honestly I suspect I've never attracted that sort of interest much (although I'm not unattractive), or I'm just lucky, or don't hang out much at drunken frat parties (that's for sure, drinking while I was in school? nope not really) or really that many drunken parties at all.

    Now there are measures taken to avoid assault period (sexual or otherwise, it's all bad). Like on a dark street, if I felt followed I try to get to safety etc..
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  4. #4
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Yes, aging out is good and we all know that age or appearence is not safeguard from rape, but I can tell you that it IS a safeguard from casual agressions of dailey life.

    This will soon turn into accusations of blaming the victim, so while I could contribute some thoughts, I wont.

  5. #5
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Sexual assault happens in so many settings that I am not sure that there is a one-size fits all. Perhaps the most I will contribute is - know thyself, your rights, your own sense of space and appropriate behaviour.

    I am not blaming the victim with remembering an experience I had. I was attending a counselling training all-day session with workers from all social service settings. Beside me sat a big, burly man leaning forward with his elbows on the table. I was sitting back in my chair listening. We were sharing experiences. My burly neighbour was talking about a painful event in his life and, being a toucher, I leaned forward and laid a finger on his wrist in support, I thought. He immediately swung around with clenched fist coming straight for my face. He stopped in time; the session trainer reminded us calmly to be aware that participants came from all walks of life. When we had a coffee break, I walked up to this participant and apologized and humbly asked him to help me understand what had happened.

    He advised me that he was an ex-con who was now a counsellor for the incarcerated and recently released. He told me that in the institution one has only a 2 foot square of space around oneself; one has just one chance ever to defend oneself so one uses it. Anyone who comes within or too close to that space is stopped immediately whatever way possible. I had caught him by surprise with my light touch of the tip of my finger.

    I found this experience very helpful in my work as a dental hygienist ever afterwards and also in how I dealt with safety issues. I strive to ensure that I have space around me, have no guilt in screaming stop or 'back off'. No one has the right to intrude in another's space whether women, children or men. We need to hear the self-defence education just as that dear man gave me. Our bodies belong to us and we need to defend them fiercely and teach our children that as well.
    Last edited by razz; 10-1-18 at 2:47pm.

  6. #6
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Hey razz, this reminds me== I have had the same dental hygienist for a long long time. She recently went out on maternity leave and I had a substitute. The substitute was very gentle! The difference in their touch was noticeable .

    I won’t do anything about this but I will say that I surely preferred the temp worker!

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    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    dental hygienist for a long long time
    I had a dental hygienist who would repeatedly ask me on dates. She slipped me her phone number (more than once) and emphatically told me to call her. She would one-sidedly flirt with me all during my appointments. She said "You could be my Christian Grey!" and things like that.

    What really took the cake though was this:

    At an appointment she leaned me all the way back in the chair and did the cleaning stuff. Then she took her clipboard, set it down on my lap (right on my junk) and started checking things off the list and making notes. I could feel her hand's pressure through the clipboard.

    I continually told her I was not interested, that we were not a good match, and so forth.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  8. #8
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Ul, cool that you can tie these two topics together! Stupid woman who harrassed you, a pox on her. Did you comsider changing hyge ists or demtists if that wasnt possible?

    Please! I am not saying that you SHOULD have changed,
    I am just wondering about the thoughts that crossed your mind to avoid her.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Ul, cool that you can tie these two topics together! Stupid woman who harrassed you, a pox on her. Did you comsider changing hyge ists or demtists if that wasnt possible?

    Please! I am not saying that you SHOULD have changed,
    I am just wondering about the thoughts that crossed your mind to avoid her.
    I asked the dentist to assign me different hygienists. She did not honor the request. So the hygienist kept at it. haha

    Wacky times, these.

    I don't go to that dentist anymore. I got out of there once I realized things were not going to change any my treatments (long term thing) were over.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  10. #10
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    as a dental hygienist do you ever worry about getting your hand bit?

    well, I've always wondered about this (I've never bitten the hygienists hand )
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

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