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Thread: What do you do to avoid sexual assault?

  1. #21
    Senior Member gimmethesimplelife's Avatar
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    To me this is such a hellish, yes I said hellish topic.

    On the one hand, there is absolutely no excuse for rape whatsoever and I'm not personally sure that the laws on the books concerning rape are strong enough. I also understand that not all women by any measure are lying when they claim rape - I get that. And I'm not advocating given up the progress we've made in women's rights, either.

    My problem with this topic is that there have been instances where the claim of rape was found to be lies......more than just a few times. What do we do to protect women from the horrible crime of rape AND MEN ASLO from the usually completely unpunished horrible crime of false allegations? Rob

  2. #22
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    I don't feel like I was really traumatized by this stuff. I concluded that most men were depraved, rude, insensitive, and a bit thick. Live and learn.
    now that I relate to
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  3. #23
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    I haven't spoken with some friends in years, only in passing, as the relationship strained when after their dad died, their mom started hitting on me. I saw one about 20 years ago and he joked to his six year old daughter at the time, there is your grandfather. Nothing ever happend, as her husband felt like a second father, but as she is a "family friend" at events, I have received those too long hugs.
    About two years after a friend killed himself after another mutual friend raped him, I worked with a gay guy who thought it was funny that I wasn't particularly comfortable around him and wouldn't joke or respond to advances. When he tried to kiss me, I put a knife to his throat. A former FBI friend, kept me from having to go through a whole potential ADW mess. I don't respond well to contact (am NOT even comfortable with the "hugs" shit here) and was raised/told how much I am like the two rapists in the family tree. If abortion had been safe/legal back then, I wouldn't exist. So growing up comparing myself to perps, while knowing victims, certainly has a toll on relationships. The way I have judged potential ones for years has been are they worth my life, would I allow them to stab me for a kiss, and that is pretty rare (twice).

  4. #24
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    I don't feel like I was really traumatized by this stuff. I concluded that most men were depraved, rude, insensitive, and a bit thick. Live and learn.
    I can honestly say that most men that I have encountered have been gentlemen in every sense and I feel comfortable with them. I have gone through bad experiences and had to find my way out of them mentally and emotionally, but, by and large, most people have been wonderful beings. When I feel uncomfortable, I back off from the encounter and avoid that individual thereafter. I do have strong boundaries.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  5. #25
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gimmethesimplelife View Post
    My problem with this topic is that there have been instances where the claim of rape was found to be lies......more than just a few times.
    What is the rate of false reporting?

  6. #26
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bae View Post
    What is the rate of false reporting?
    I have to say that over my career the ďrate of false reportingĒ depends on ones definition and ones approach. First, sexual assault is an offense which has the most variables of any criminal offense. It carries with it the greatest risk to the victim both physically and emotionally and investigators typically would rather take any other case.

    Second, there are incentives to write the victim off as falsely accusing the accused for many reasons including but not limited to lack of corroborating evidence, a less than flattering victim history, an unsympathetic victim, an accused of high standing or influence in the community, an investigation that requires greater than normal effort, holes in the victimís memory which causes inconsistencies, delicate matters concerning evidence collection, male / female interactions and trust issues.

    There were many many cases I suspected where the victim was elaborating their scenario in order to make the offense seem more heinous so that the suspect she was so frightened of would be jailed pending preliminary hearing, among other reasons. Itís a complicated problem that defies statistical analysis. Yet, I was known to arrest persons who boldly reported false claims of sexual assault and I was know on to get certain people medical and psychological help who were repeat offenders.

    If adult sexual assault was difficult....child sexual assault was infinitely worse. We had a full time investigator assigne to andle those cases. I was ask and declined several times. Itís a real black hole to crawl down and easy to lose sight of the light.

  7. #27
    Senior Member flowerseverywhere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bae View Post
    What is the rate of false reporting?
    A few percent. I’ve seen stats from 2 - 8%. Rape is underreported for various reasons which lowers the number significantly.

  8. #28
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    I am fortunate that I've never experienced anything beyond a groping or two on the subway, and the usual rude comments when I was younger just trying to walk down the street, and being flashed by men in a few places including a public library. Ugh.

    I, too, have taken all of the standard precautions ever since I was a teenager, and even though those have probably kept me safe, it infuriates me. I don't think men realize what restrictions women have to put on their everyday lives. Be careful where you walk, park under a streetlamp, always go to that bar or party with a buddy, don't hike alone, don't camp alone, don't go to a public park alone, don't even think of walking somewhere after dark, keep all doors and windows locked and shades drawn when you're in your house, walk with your keys splayed in your fingers, carry mace, etc. etc.
    And the comments after I had an empty nest: "what, you don't have a man in the house? you'd better get yourself a big dog or a gun." For my own protection. In my own house!

    It reminds me of a book I read years ago, "Places in the World A Woman Could Walk." That title has always stuck with me because I imagined it as an ideal world - where any woman could walk anywhere she pleased and would not fear assault of any kind.

  9. #29
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    Exactly Lainey. It reminds me of the debate about terrorism. How much of our freedoms and civil liberties do we have to give up to feel safe? And still you are not guaranteed to be free from attack. The incidents just move from airplanes to other places.

  10. #30
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    Lainey, You stated it well. My feeling is I should be able to walk any where stark naked if I want, whenever I want and be safe. I'm not able to walk many places, especially in the dark due to fear instilled since childhood that I am responsible for anyone's bad behavior toward me. We taught as young girls that boys have no control, so it is our job to make sure they stay in control. How about teaching boys that THEY ARE IN CONTROL AND RESPONSIBLE FOR of their behavior. Perhaps teach them to keep their bodies to themselves!

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