I am reminded of a story one of my brothers told me.
He was in a Muslim-majority country, at a university, taking a summer-long intensive course in that country's language. His classmates were a mix of men and women from around the world. Many of the women commented frequently that they could not go into the city by themselves, but had to go in a group, and even then the harassment from men on the street was difficult to deal with. They felt that part of this was because they were women unaccompanied by a man and part because they clearly were not natives of the country.
My brother thought they were either exaggerating or overreacting.
Until one woman asked him to accompany her downtown for an errand. He was shocked at the catcalls, the attempts to pinch her rear end, the slurs that were yelled at her--he understood enough of the language to translate most of what was said. And this was when she was accompanied by a man--something that should have reduced this behavior to next to nothing.
My brother is an intelligent, college-educated guy with two Masters degrees. He wasn't married at the time, but he has two sisters and a mother. As far as I know, he treats women the way he should. Why did he think those women were exaggerating their treatment at the hands of the local men? Why did he not believe them?
When I questioned him as to why he didn't believe the women until he had witnessed the behavior, he really didn't have any explanation, other than he just thought they were misinterpreting things or making something big out of something very little. He had no explanation as to why he would think that way, just that he did.
The mindset that women are lying/exaggerating about sexual assault is deeply embedded in our cultural psyche. The result of this is that women to some degree are always on alert, always wary, always on the lookout for men who might do them harm. And we blame the victim--Why did she wear that dress? Why did she leave the window open? Why did she take the bus and not drive? Instead of asking: Why did the men think they could assault women with impunity?
We see the same thinking in a lot of high school dress codes. The girls are told to dress in a manner that "won't distract the boys." The boys tend to have far fewer restrictions on their clothing. And girls are removed from class to deal with dress code violations. Recently, I read of a girl who was taken out of class during a quiz because the knee of her jeans was ripped. She missed the remainder of the quiz and was not allowed to make it up. Granted, her clothing should have met the dress code requirements--but a phone call home or a short detention would have been more suitable consequences, rather than directly affecting her grade in the class.
Some high school dress codes are so restrictive that girls can only wear a crew-neck t shirt or a button-down shirt that is buttoned all the way up. Otherwise their collarbones will show. And collarbones are distracting to the boys. Who knew? I consider myself a prude and a pretty modest dresser, and nearly all my tops expose more than what these girls are allowed.
Why aren't we teaching the boys how not to be distracted instead? Rather than policing the width of the girls' shoulder straps, that time and effort should be put into teaching young men how to deal with being near women.
We need to stop blaming the victim and start blaming those who violate others.
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Originally Posted by razz
