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Thread: Hair dos.

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    So a woman at my work (which is 85% women) got her hair did. As usual when any woman at work gets her hair did, she gives me and the other guys a look, as though she expects a compliment. It is subtle. But that is the look.

    I would have liked to have said: "You new hairstyle looks really nice!"

    But I said nothing. The other guys said nothing.

    Then another woman walked up and said: "You look so beautiful! Your hair looks amazing! But of course, no one else noticed, did they?"

    And this woman looked over at me and two other guys disapprovingly.

    Then the woman with the hair do said: "Well, they're just dudes. They don't notice."

    One guy actually said: "I did notice, but I held back and did not say anything. But it does look nice."

    Here is the thing: I feel like commenting on a woman's hair, body, clothes, etc. at work is viewed as sexual harassment. So I literally say nothing. It is safer.

    Anyone else go through this?

    Yes, I agree saying nothing is safer.
    I never feel the need for attention so I am not looking for compliments when I get a new haircut.
    And yet I do know some women who are like this.........need attention in the workplace.
    They get upset if nothing is said or a birthday is forgotten.............

  2. #22
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    This is reminding me of my former staff, the one who was so challenging (saying that nicely). She actually walked up to me during the busiest time of the afternoon and told me she was quitting. I said fine but she had to wait until 5:30. At 5:30 I sat her down to see what was wrong, apparently she had a major hair thing, cut and dyed, and I didn't notice. She was really, really hurt. I was trying very hard to understand but I simply didn't (yes I am female). So I finally asked her if she would expect that from a male supervisor, and then suggested she imagine that I was a male supervisor as needed. She perked right up! Plus she wasn't so bothered by a lot of things. Of course she expected that I would fall all over myself when she said she was quitting too, and I didn't.

    Ahh gender norms,

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by bae View Post

    I know of folks who smiled and put up with workplace "we're all just friends" comments for years, while they were hurting inside.
    That does get tricky, I have accepted hearing a lot of crap over the years. I started working in the 80's. 'nice haircut' was never my problem, more trying to discuss my sex life or sharing about theirs. Some people really have no common sense. The one time I tried to tell someone (it was blowing in my ear actually) it went nowhere. So sometimes I just changed jobs.

    I know that when I worked at a retail store an upper manager decided that every guest should be made eye contact with and smiled at. Seems simple enough, I did bring up that that should be balanced with women trusting our gut feeling. Simply being friendly as a cashier encouraged some creepers. Guys would come back and hang around to go to the same cashier. Rarely did the male management take it seriously, but female managers would redirect the customer or send the cashier on break or basically take care of it. I really don't have a clue sometimes how to explain the difference at times,

  4. #24
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    This is one of those "why can't common sense prevail" situations.

    If someone gets a slightly different cut and maybe a slightly different color, why bother saying anything, unless you are a good friend, same gender, and you notice.

    But if a guy I knew suddenly came into the workplace with a henna mullet or a shaved head, it would be weird NOT to acknowledge the drastic change.

    And you don't have to make a big change--Chicken Lady's simple question, "New look?" should suffice.

    I'm personally very bad at detecting physical differences in people. My own DH goes nuts if I don't notice he got a haircut, which happens rather frequently. And then there's the time recently when my son, who wore a full beard for months, shaved it off and I didn't even notice! Even I can't figure that one out.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  5. #25
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    I think some ass-kissing like "nice hairdo" may have appeased the bully at the last job some (and yea a woman complimenting another woman is safe). Enough? Oh who knows. Maybe not at all, but at any rate they did not lack for narcissism, and the need for attention/narcissistic supplies. And just loved it when people came over to their desk to complement their hair etc., loved to be fawned over. And it was not working the personal angle that was costly to me. So at times perhaps complements may be necessary.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  6. #26
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    I would stick to complimenting all co-workers on their work, whenever they accomplish something, or even just getting something done in a short amount of time.

    Then, when put on the spot as in the OP, Ultralight could say, "Hey, I keep my compliments for jobs well done, not appearances!" Which should remind everyone why they are there, in the office, working.

  7. #27
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    I would try to read the environment, abstract values like getting things done might not be what is most valued in that particular environment (if we are lucky it is, but if not appeals to it will not help).
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  8. #28
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    Ask A Manager had a letter about this issue not long ago: https://www.askamanager.org/2018/08/...-and-more.html

    It's worth reading the comments for a variety of opinions on the subject.

  9. #29
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
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    Personally I never say anything. Not because I'm worried that it will be considered offensive, but because I don't trust myself to have noticed in a timely manner. I mean, really, it would be totally awkward if I commented and the response (or at least the reality even if they were kind enough to not actually say it) was "thanks. I had it done three weeks ago and you're just noticing..."

  10. #30
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
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    And literally two minutes after I closed simple living this post showed up in my facebook feed:

    At work.
    Him: This 'sexual harassment' shit is ****ing ridiculous. What, now I can't even tell a woman she is pretty without getting in shit for it?
    Me: Well, we've worked together for 2 years and you've never told me I'm pretty.
    Him: That's different because you're a dude, like me.
    Me: Gotta tell ya, that's a little disappointing because I think you're pretty.
    Him: Cut that shit, bro. You're creeping me out.
    Me: Soooo me telling you that you're pretty when you neither asked for nor welcomed comments about your appearance is making you feel uncomfortable. Interesting.

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