Cyborg romance

[SteveinMN]

Ah yes, the old "the weight of the world will eventually crush your spirit just like it did mine" speech. I remember getting a similar one about Christianity when I was a kid.

What makes you think I am seeking the wide population?

You said it yourself:

My overall lifestyle is unconventional and in a state like Ohio, which is full of normies, it is hard to find a match.

You believe you'd do better living elsewhere, where the odds of meeting your preferred romantic partner and more minimalists and others who share (at least parts of) your unconventional lifestyle are greater. You may not be seeking "everyone" but you certainly want a wider selection than Columbus offers. Yet you're not packin' up the ol' Nissan and moving on to greener pastures. I know you have reasons for staying in your current job. But while killing off your student loan is your prime directive you're going to have to endure the "barren" landscape that is Columbus. You have made a choice. When you dislike enough the non-dollar price you are paying in your life, you may make a different choice.

As for the "weight of the world crushing spirits" bit, I don't see it that way at all. We all make choices in our lives, at pretty much every moment. Sometimes the choices are obvious, like whether we want cereal or eggs for breakfast. Sometimes the choices are less obvious, like carrying a mobile phone for work even though you hate them but you like getting paid on a regular interval and you have a debt-retirement goal in sight. Not saying the choices are always clear. Or pretty. But you choose at least your reaction to every circumstance in which you find yourself.

And most people, Christian or atheist; black or white or brown or whatever; rich or poor; young or old, choose to change when the cost (pain) of staying where they are is greater than the cost (pain) of changing. When you want those other things more than what you have, you will make a different decision about them. That's not about "crushing souls" -- that's about trying for what you want out of life and not being stuck with (and lamenting) the hand you think you've been dealt.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I don't expect it to be accepted. I actually fully expect there to come a time when my job encroaches so much on my life that they force me to get a cell phone and force me to pay for it out of my own pocket. At that point, I will get the phone because I need the job.

i agree if it's work, you do what you have to do, although they have always provided phones when I've been on call. But anything else but work shrug. I have a dumb phone.

I remember bf telling me a story about how at his work, some girl was breaking up with her bf there because his cell phone was broken so I suppose it happens.

[Teacher Terry]

Steve, you are absolutely correct!

[JaneV2.0]

Supercilious and defensive--a winning combo for sure!

Women who don't favor a Luddite companion are narrowing the field, just as you are. I would be inclined to cast a wider net at first--some things you think you can't live with become trifles when you meet someone who dazzles you.

Words of wisdom, Steve.

[ApatheticNoMore]

UL: there are two things here really, one is you have a lot of criteria etc. that seem to exclude dates from your life. If you really don't want a relationship that is a legitimate choice: to chose not to be in one now or even ever. Maybe you just like flings but like to lead women on, well that's kind of problematic ... But otherwise you do seem to have endless such lists that don't seem to help. Too many. So people here suspect these lists and your obstinacy prevent you from being in a relationship as that's how you present. However that may be just an online persona and the real reason you have problems with long term relationships are otherwise. Even body type might be something to be more open about (I'm not saying date a woman you consider unattractive, just saying that though I'm not a man it seems to me there are multiple attractive body types, although plenty of unattractive ones as well, but if you can't find them attractive at all then stick with what you can).

The second thing is the desire for conformity in society, which I agree can be over the top (or seem so at times, shrug). It's that middle class conformity Steve talks about, a more conformist class could hardly exist it sometimes seem (although I have no idea if that is who you date). It sometimes seems they survive by conformity so ... yea it gets over the top, to the point where me and my bf discuss articles about how many men don't even like sports but pretend to to get along, where we have discussions on how often it is socially acceptable to need to wash your car etc.. If people are really that bad (well was a news article) it becomes self satire, but one has to do what they have to do.

An alternative is to seek out groups where people are less conforming, so maybe: groups seeking radical social change (by definition they might have issues with the status quo), or something completely different, I've heard 12 step groups can be pretty non-mainstream in that they are people being really honest without pretense (maybe adult children of dysfunctional families). But honestly I suspect this is NOT really what you want, that you would find people like that way too far out of the mainstream and be pretty deeply unhappy with them as dating prospects. "No, I don't want those flakes and nutballs, I want someone with a steady and preferably middle class job and likely always to have one (I admit wanting someone to work if they can is reasonable for anyone), credentialed hopefully with an advanced degree, nothing bad in their past, not much baggage, very mentally healthy, able to fit in whenever they need to to get by, has their life completely together, only of entirely independent mind and openly flouting conformity". Hmm, the Venn diagram of the overlap here might not be that great, and you might be better off just getting a cell phone, if what you seek is actually mostly mainstream then BE mainstream. Dating foreigners might also work (although the whole world has cell phones now) but to the degree one's issues are clashes with middle class American culture ..

[Gardenarian]

If you Google "would you date someone without a cell phone" there are several Reddit threads that are kind of enlightening.

I googled it because I can't understand why this would be a deal breaker for anyone. It seems to indicate a lack of open-mindedness and imagination. But then, I'm old (though I have a smartphone.)

Here's a quote from one of the Reddit threads:
And honestly, if someone doesn't have a phone now, then they're probably either not financially-secure or are needlessly contrarian, and neither situation interests me.

[ApatheticNoMore]

And honestly, if someone doesn't have a phone now, then they're probably either not financially-secure or are needlessly contrarian, and neither situation interests me.

I figure some interpret it like that. How much financial security does owning a cell phone really signify considering that stuff costs little in the scheme of things. But it does signify conformity which might mean more financial security. Sometimes the world is junior high.

[herbgeek]

Not having a cell phone (or saying you don't have one) could also be a red flag that someone is married and doesn't want you to be able to contact them at inconvenient times.

[Ultralight]

Not having a cell phone (or saying you don't have one) could also be a red flag that someone is married and doesn't want you to be able to contact them at inconvenient times.

I mentioned this above.

But when you really think about it, it does not make sense. Why? Because I am calling them on my home phone and I tell them this. They have my number when I call them.

[herbgeek]

Because I am calling them on my home phone and I tell them this.

Could be office phone, could be friend's phone. Yes, it shouldn't matter in an ideal world, but we live in a time where almost everyone has a personal phone and that is often the expectation.