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Thread: Identity politics destroying friendships?

  1. #21
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ApatheticNoMore View Post
    could have fooled me! you seemed obviously jealous. but what difference does it make, even so, we don't get to live other people's lives, even if they actually are better than ours.
    I am definitely jay over that $90k.

    $90k could make my life a lot easier.

    The rest of that stuff.... doesn't do it for me. And there are other things about her lifestyle that I am not going to mention that turn me off.

    But yeah, that $90k would be nice.
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  2. #22
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    So she said she wanted to stop discussing it. Which I agreed with (I suggested it several times in a row). But she would then go deep into the topic again.

    Then she finally sent that message above about how she wanted to stop the topic.

    I was cool with this. I then told her that I did not like how she was so dismissive of me and that I don't do that to her. I listen and I am open to new info and to changing my mind if new info is compelling. Basically, I don't think a friend should be so dismissive.

    She accused me of bringing up the topic again despite her telling me not to. But I did not bring up the topic. I just talked about how I don't appreciate her being so dismissive by saying things like:

    "You don't get it."

    "Typical response."

    "You ought to know better"

    And so forth.

    Then I said this:

    "Okay, I am done. I sincerely hope you reflect and consider other viewpoints and ideas in the future."

    She said:

    "Self righteous hypocrite. You have now officially lost my friendship."
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  3. #23
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    So she said she wanted to stop discussing it. Which I agreed with (I suggested it several times in a row). But she would then go deep into the topic again.

    Then she finally sent that message above about how she wanted to stop the topic.

    I was cool with this. I then told her that I did not like how she was so dismissive of me and that I don't do that to her. I listen and I am open to new info and to changing my mind if new info is compelling. Basically, I don't think a friend should be so dismissive.

    She accused me of bringing up the topic again despite her telling me not to. But I did not bring up the topic. I just talked about how I don't appreciate her being so dismissive by saying things like:

    "You don't get it."

    "Typical response."

    "You ought to know better"

    And so forth.

    Then I said this:

    "Okay, I am done. I sincerely hope you reflect and consider other viewpoints and ideas in the future."

    She said:

    "Self righteous hypocrite. You have now officially lost my friendship."
    Often self righteous hypocrites and evil corporatists find reasons to rekindle relationships. I知 sure you値l probably be friends again. Quit throwing sand in each other痴 faces or you won稚 be allowed out during recess anymore.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Williamsmith View Post
    Often self righteous hypocrites and evil corporatists find reasons to rekindle relationships. I’m sure you’ll probably be friends again. Quit throwing sand in each other’s faces or you won’t be allowed out during recess anymore.
    If she wants to be friends again, I am open to that. People are often surprised how I can be friends with people I disagree with, even profoundly disagree with.

    They are just wrong about some stuff. Big deal! That is what I think.

    And I will debate and discuss endlessly if the person engages me. But if they want to agree to disagree I am like: "Cool!"

    End of story.
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    This is probably the most I have ever agreed with you.
    Well, we both like dogs, which is way more important than the politics of the last two minutes.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    Hey! I like dogs too!

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Williamsmith View Post
    Hey! I like dogs too!
    What is your position on cats?

  8. #28
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LDAHL View Post
    Well, we both like dogs, which is way more important than the politics of the last two minutes.
    True! haha
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  9. #29
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    As a thought exercise I decided switch the genders of my friend, well, former friend.

    And it is interesting the picture that is painted.

    "He is 33 and in a management position at a huge international corporation where some of his underlings are women and people of color. He makes about $90k.

    He owns his own nice house in a trendy neighborhood and owns his own new car.

    He has two bachelor degrees (Spanish and Pharm Sales). He also has an MBA. He got scholarships!

    He teaches part-time for Kaplan (the testing company).

    He travels, plays golf, goes to football games and concerts with his buddies. He dates women as he pleases, and is on the board of a non-profit."

    Now doesn't this guy sound like he is very, very privileged?
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  10. #30
    Senior Member Gardenarian's Avatar
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    Tl;dr

    You are telling your female friend that sexism isn't a problem?
    You are saying that her own experiences and feelings aren't valid?

    And you're surprised this pisses her off?

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