Gaslighting

[JaneV2.0]

I didn't offer help because 1) I had too few details to work with, and 2) I'm not sure there's much you can do save watch it unfold, offer support, and hope the situation resolves itself.

[frugal-one]

Given what I know now, I would run, not walk, from anyone gaslighting me.

Even if it was your daughter, Bae? And, you had no other relatives. Never see your grandchild again?

Thanks for the web links and insights. I will figure this out.

[iris lilies]

I didn't offer help because 1) I had too few details to work with, and 2) I'm not sure there's much you can do save watch it unfold, offer support, and hope the situation resolves itself.

Yes, true for most situations.

I still think there is some validity to sucking ip to the narcissistic gaslighter for the purpose of stsying conmected to son and grandson, but that is hard to continue for any length of time.

[Teacher Terry]

My family put up with it because everyone obviously wanted to see the kids. I got sick of it and cut all ties but I had my own kids. My parents put up with it until the bitch convinced my brother to dump them. They wanted to see the grandkids of course. No real advice from people because they hold all the cards because of the grandchild.

[Yppej]

Few posts here have attempted to actually help the OP.

I would be worried if, as the OP, my son is not married to his SO for reasons of tighter legal bond to his child. The gaslighting mom could decide tomorrow to take off with their child. While I am sure the courts deal plenty with non-married parents, having it all tied up in a a tidy legal bow adds strength to his case.

I spent more than my fair share of time in probate and family court hearing cases ahead of mine. Other than the court using a different color folder for children whose birth was out of wedlock I could not discern any difference in the way cases were handled. The focus was on the child's interest, not the parents' marital status. Parentage is easily proven with DNA and rights follow from that. Your state or province may vary.

[bae]

Even if it was your daughter, Bae? And, you had no other relatives. Never see your grandchild again?

Yes. I can't help other people if I don't save myself first.

(For the record, I once did not interact with my sister during her Evil Period for about 15 years. No calls, no letters, no visits, nada. It was simply too risky.)

[Teacher Terry]

Cutting out a sibling is much easier than a child.

[ke3]

I actually haven't posted here in years, but was feeling so anxious about the election tomorrow (I am a liberal) that I thought I would visit my old online community, and was impulsed-itemed (just made up a verb) into answering this one. Re: gaslighting, I believe I have been very subtly manipulated in this way for years. It is subtle enough that I wasn't able to be sure it was happening until I started emailing myself at every instance, for several years, and am now sure. For the moment, I will remain in my situation in order to keep family harmony, which does exist (and there are a lot of good times, just some infuriating moments as well), until our youngest is in college in 2 1/2 years. It is heartbreaking to even think about, because leaving dissolves all the holiday happiness that I would normally look forward to. It also would cut me off from my grandchildren from my stepdaughter. And I agree with Teacher Terry: I'm already estranged from my sister, but that is barely a blip on my radar compared to how awful it would be to cut myself off from one of my own children.

[Teacher Terry]

I am so sorry you are going through this.

[frugal-one]

Update.... took therapist's advice and stayed away. DS came alone for Xmas eve and a few days later with GD.... it was lovely. I still am not trusting and know he is a "flying monkey". I talked to a therapist in Oct and cannot get in to see her until Jan. I feel better knowing what I am up against.