Page 2 of 6 FirstFirst 1234 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 59

Thread: Gaslighting

  1. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    5,680
    Quote Originally Posted by mschrisgo2 View Post
    Another resource for you www.melanietoniaevans.com

    I've had too much experience with gaslighting.
    The most difficult was from boss at a job that I really loved; ultimately, I quit to get away.
    Now I can spot it a mile away!
    Oh yes, that was my last year and I am a couple months away. Loving my new job, sounds like many others left which is sad for the programming. I can see it, this last time I thought I could handle it until I got a new job but he was steps ahead of me.

  2. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    2,364
    I think the therapist's idea of keeping your distance from this person is a really good one. It's not that you can undue all the damage just by getting away, but it can remove you as a target, and help you to start healing.

  3. #13
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    5,680
    I will say that although I do not see any wonderful benefit to being a target of a gaslighter, I am also able to see this pattern now clearly. It helped not take too much too personally at the last job (okay I did a lot in some ways). Seeing these patterns can help support others, my daughter for example who just went through a bad break up. Politically I don't talk about what I see all the time because in general people don't believe you. That is the most maddening thing, some of it seems so clear and yet it can be almost impossible to make a dent in how people want to see things.

  4. #14
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Saint Paul, Minnesota
    Posts
    5,070
    Gad, I wish we could post some of these definitional articles outside polling places next week...
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  5. #15
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    5,680
    Quote Originally Posted by SteveinMN View Post
    Gad, I wish we could post some of these definitional articles outside polling places next week...
    no f**ing kidding, unfortunately I have so little faith right now

  6. #16
    Senior Member beckyliz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Topeka, KS
    Posts
    368
    Quote Originally Posted by SteveinMN View Post
    Gad, I wish we could post some of these definitional articles outside polling places next week...
    Preach.
    "Do not accumulate for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. But accumulate for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, your heart is also." Jesus

  7. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    2,364
    OP, can you stay away from the person who is gaslighting you? or must you remain connected?
    I ask because my current gaslighter is someone that I cannot get away from. You can't divorce family members without divorcing the rest of the family.
    So I have to learn to manage the situation.

  8. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    1,764
    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    OP, can you stay away from the person who is gaslighting you? or must you remain connected?
    I ask because my current gaslighter is someone that I cannot get away from. You can't divorce family members without divorcing the rest of the family.
    So I have to learn to manage the situation.
    Unfortunately, it is my only child who is being manipulated by SO. This is my only family and grandchild is involved. I never heard the term gaslighting before. I have been reading on line and have books ordered from the library. It truly is breaking my heart.

  9. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Posts
    1,008
    Quote Originally Posted by frugal-one View Post
    Unfortunately, it is my only child who is being manipulated by SO. This is my only family and grandchild is involved. I never heard the term gaslighting before. I have been reading on line and have books ordered from the library. It truly is breaking my heart.
    Sounds like you need to do an intervention and stop the behavior. Don't allow your child/grandchild to be treated this was by your SO. As long as you stay quiet, you are condoning the behavior. We teach people how to treat us. I am a firm believer in this. If you are witnessing this behavior, silence approves it.

  10. #20
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    13,115
    Quote Originally Posted by Gardnr View Post
    Sounds like you need to do an intervention and stop the behavior. Don't allow your child/grandchild to be treated this was by your SO. As long as you stay quiet, you are condoning the behavior. We teach people how to treat us. I am a firm believer in this. If you are witnessing this behavior, silence approves it.
    depends. if the gaslighter has, in any way, control of the grandchild and his visits to grandmother, play along in order to retain access to grandchild. The OP’s daughter is a grown woman, and she can handle herself accordingly. If she wishes to stay in that relationship she gets to do it. Stupid though that may be, she gets to be stupid.

    At this point it is really about the grandchild, providing as much love and stability in his life as possible. Do whatever is best for grandchild. Do whatever it takes to have access and to get care of him regularly and if that means sucking up to
    Gaslighter Dude, so be it. Make a game of it.

    I dont see how Gardnr’s advice can possibly hold up,since you cannot stop the
    Gaslighter dude from lying (an “intervention? “ Really?) you can only remove yourself from his sphere of influence.

    My close friend has been going through this with her mentally ill daughter who “gaslights” (i.e. lies) and she now just does what is necessary to care for her grandhild. Fortunately, her daughter’s SO is a standup guy who takes good care of this child, all the while tolerating his crazy ass girlfriend, her multiple boyfriends, her lies, her cheating. That young man needs an intervention for his own mental health but really who cares in the end about these young adults and their stupid choices. When they bring small children into their circus, thats when it is a tragedy.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •