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Thread: Gaslighting

  1. #41
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    Given what I know now, I would run, not walk, from anyone gaslighting me.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    But if you asked them, a fair number of those people would say that they love their kids.
    True, they would say that, but trust me you love your dogs more than they love their kids.

  3. #43
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I'm sure parents' love for their offspring is as variable as any other human emotion, so I don't buy the "multiply it by a million" trope.

    I remember years ago an American advice columnist posed the question "If you had it to do over again, would you have children?" and 70% of respondents said no. Of course that was a self-selected sample, and one probably highly motivated to answer.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    I'm sure parents' love for their offspring is as variable as any other human emotion, so I don't buy the "multiply it by a million" trope.
    +1
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  5. #45
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    In your own words, what exactly is gaslighting?
    I am not the OP, but I would define it as systematic lying, usually for the purpose of poisoning a personal relationship.

    Gaslighting is the current pop psych term but chronic liars have been around forever.

  6. #46
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    I am not the OP, but I would define it as systematic lying, usually for the purpose of poisoning a personal relationship.

    Gaslighting is the current pop psych term but chronic liars have been around forever.
    I think it's more than lying: I think it's a calculated effort to manipulate another person's view of reality. The effect is the person starts to doubt themselves and their own beliefs. Example: A husband is drinking too much and the wife brings it to his attention. He will gaslight by saying "If it weren't for your lousy housekeeping, I wouldn't drink. You're the reason I go out to the bars. Can't you even see what a dump this place is? What's the matter with you?" This manipulation is often persistent and chips away at the receiver's self-esteem and even sanity.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  7. #47
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    It's not really a "current pop psych term," since my parents used it when I was a child. As I referenced with a link above, It came from a 1940 movie in which a husband tried to make his wife believe she was going crazy--ie "gaslighted" her. I don't know the particulars, having never seen the movie.

  8. #48
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    It's not really a "current pop psych term," since my parents used it when I was a child. As I referenced with a link above, It came from a 1940 movie in which a husband tried to make his wife believe she was going crazy--ie "gaslighted" her. I don't know the particulars, having never seen the movie.
    Yes, I read the history of this before this thread even got started. But it is very widespread use I think only with in the last couple of years.

  9. #49
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    I agree it is more than lying, but lying in a way that makes you doubt yourself specifically. There is also a lot of overlap with narcissist behavior such as taking a very small and unimportant thing and blowing that up to deflect from a real concern by the target person. It is amazing to me how many people will just go along with the gaslighter. My ex and I had a counselor who could care less that I caught him in a lie to destabalize me, she went back to focusing on problems being 50-50. I walked out of the session. You can actually do that!

    Bae when I figured it out in my last job I thought I could handle it by having knowledge. No way, I would do almost anything to get away when I recognized it now. I am building savings and keeping my resume up. The unfortunate part is that I have been single 12 years and still don't have trust.

  10. #50
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Few posts here have attempted to actually help the OP.

    I would be worried if, as the OP, my son is not married to his SO for reasons of tighter legal bond to his child. The gaslighting mom could decide tomorrow to take off with their child. While I am sure the courts deal plenty with non-married parents, having it all tied up in a a tidy legal bow adds strength to his case.

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