How to handle an apology?

[CathyA]

Yeah, I was wondering about early dementia too. At least in a relative of mine, he got very belligerent and oppositional.

[Geila]

She has always been this way. Over the years I've had to distance myself several times for my own well-being. Sometimes she tries really hard to "be a good person" but I think it is so much against her nature, that she always reverts back to her true self. Lately we had been getting along really well, and I had been hopeful that things might be getting better. Then this outburst happened. She is also very demanding of attention - that's a constant thing that does not change.

I sent my reply yesterday and I've decided to adopt an attitude of pleasant distance. It seemed the best way to be respectful to myself and move on. I don't want to deal with any drama right now. I have some health issues going on and I don't want to waste any of my energy.

Teacher Terry - you mentioned having this conversation in person, but from previous experience this is not a good idea with her. The one adult conversation that I tried to have with her ended very badly. In many ways she has the maturity of a child. She is spoiled, defensive, is easily angered, lashes out if confronted even mildly, always wants her way, etc.... (and weirdly, she is actually proud of herself for "refusing to grow up!" as she puts it.) So talking with her in person would end in lots of drama that I don't want right now.

[iris lilies]

She has always been this way. Over the years I've had to distance myself several times for my own well-being. Sometimes she tries really hard to "be a good person" but I think it is so much against her nature, that she always reverts back to her true self. Lately we had been getting along really well, and I had been hopeful that things might be getting better. Then this outburst happened. She is also very demanding of attention - that's a constant thing that does not change.

I sent my reply yesterday and I've decided to adopt an attitude of pleasant distance. My email was short, but I stated my shock at her behavior and conveyed the beginning of a boundary with her. I also thanked her for the apology. It seemed the best way to be respectful to myself and move on. I don't want to deal with any drama right now. I have some health issues going on and I don't want to waste any of my energy. I usually try to make sure to spend time with her during the holidays as she doesn't have any kids, but I've decided not to. I'm just going to make other plans and be busy if she asks about getting together.

Teacher Terry - you mentioned having this conversation in person, but from previous experience this is not a good idea with her. The one adult conversation that I tried to have with her ended very badly. In many ways she has the maturity of a child. She is spoiled, defensive, is easily angered, lashes out if confronted even mildly, always wants her way, etc.... (and weirdly, she is actually proud of herself for "refusing to grow up!" as she puts it.) So talking with her in person would end in lots of drama that I don't want right now.

I think your response was fine, and certainly an in-person conversation would mean drama. There is no enforcement of boundaries with difficult people without drama.

[Teacher Terry]

It wasn't me who said to do it in person. I never do. I used to use the phone and now with email I do it that way.

[Geila]

Sorry, TT. I thought it was you but I see now that it was Iris.

[profnot]

one day, I had had it. I advised this person that I needed a break so was stepping back from further contact. She phoned a few times and I politely reminded her that I was tied up with other commitments and unavailable. That way, I did not condemn or judge her but took responsibility for my well-being. I have not looked back with regret about my choice or actions.

Well done! Very clean and clear!