Overeaters' Anonymous

[Tybee]

I attended one, and one only, OA meeting. THAT was the deal-breaker for me, the self-abuse language, of how bad and disgusting I am. Good grief, how are people supposed to work through that?

Wow, that is horrible! I had no idea there were OA meetings like that. No one should go to a group that tells them they are bad and disgusting. Is that what happened for you Kay and you Oddhat? that is horrible!

[Teacher Terry]

That is disgusting! How does anyone get better if made to feel worthless?

[Ultralight]

Oddhat - When I tried OA years ago, I was really put off by a few things: the use of the Higher Power which was presented as an external (rather than internal) source of strength, the constant refrain that overeating was a moral failure, and the constant self-abuse language when someone failed their HP and overate.

I have been to 7 or 8 meetings so far. I said in the meeting I struggled a little with the higher power thing because I am atheist. Right afterward, a woman who said she was very religious in the meeting came up to me. I thought: "Here we go... preachin' time."

Nope. She said: "This group and the community you feel here can be your higher power. Keep coming back."

I don't remember anyone in any meeting I have been to saying that overeating was a moral failure. I would be turned off by that. So I think I would notice if someone said that.

No one has said anything I would consider self-abusing. Some folks, myself included, have said we feel a little insane when under the influence of certain foods. Others have said they feel powerless to certain foods. Is that what you mean by language of self-abuse?

The meetings I have been to have be positive, candid, sometimes funny, and the topics of love and support are strongly represented.

This has just been my experience though, in my city and in the groups I attended.

[Ultralight]

I attended one, and one only, OA meeting. THAT was the deal-breaker for me, the self-abuse language, of how bad and disgusting I am. Good grief, how are people supposed to work through that?

I have experienced nothing like this and I have attended 7 or 8 meetings at different locations with different members.

[Ultralight]

Wow, that is horrible! I had no idea there were OA meetings like that. No one should go to a group that tells them they are bad and disgusting. Is that what happened for you Kay and you Oddhat? that is horrible!

I would suggest you attend a meeting or two, and explore it for yourself.

My experiences have been very positive and supportive.

[Ultralight]

That is disgusting! How does anyone get better if made to feel worthless?

Jump to conclusions much? haha

I have gotten a very different message -- that I am worthy and that the other members are there to support each other. But I have only been to 7 or 8 meetings.

[Oddball]

Oddhat - When I tried OA years ago, I was really put off by a few things: the use of the Higher Power which was presented as an external (rather than internal) source of strength, the constant refrain that overeating was a moral failure, and the constant self-abuse language when someone failed their HP and overate. I believe that overeating is a symptom, not the cause. A coping mechanism if you will. Also, I'm pretty sure there is a chemical component to it, i.e, a person who is low on serotonin/dopamine/whatever receives a chemical boost from food that temporarily fills them up with the needed brain chemicals. Nothing to be ashamed of. But there was lots of shame at the meetings I attended.

Anyway, I'd like to find a way to reconcile those bothersome things and give it another chance. When you mentioned symbolism versus reality, it made me think that maybe I can do that. Would you be willing to help me? If I can find a way to reconcile these things that bother me, maybe in time the community can be a source of support and growth.

Hi, Geila.

You're right. Overeating and other behaviors are just symptoms. Even cancer is just a symptom (the disease is the person's inborn or acquired susceptibility combined with the stress that the body yielded to).

And there is certainly nothing to feel guilty of or ashamed about. There is no moral failure, only the coping mechanisms we adopt very early on. The coping mechanisms are figments of the ego, which is real and which can be overridden with practice. An ego error is not a moral failure. It's just a downside of being human.

And yes, there are chemical and mechanical issues too. Sometimes we have to accept our shortcomings and deal with them as best we can.

I'm happy to help you or anyone else, though I am no expert. I've just spent many years trying to heal and have made a lot of progress. I have not done 12 Steps, but I've read the program and have friends who have done it with great success. These friends have no problem with the symbolism and seem to find it helpful. I was always put off by it and found another way to get better, including reading the books I mentioned above plus many others.

If you'd like to reconcile those bothersome things and give OA another shot, I think that can be done. I think it's mainly a matter of separating out the symbolism and translating it to what's being symbolized. Reality is intimidating to a lot of people, which is why symbolism is used so widely and successfully (or not) by religions and mythology and even some branches of medicine. Even movies and TV shows are just symbols, and it's no wonder people escape through them. Anything to avoid facing reality.

[Tybee]

I would suggest you attend a meeting or two, and explore it for yourself.

My experiences have been very positive and supportive.

I am very glad you have had good experiences! that is great.

[Geila]

Hi Oddhat,

Thank you for the reply. This is the part that confuses me because I don't know what it means:

"I think it's mainly a matter of separating out the symbolism and translating it to what's being symbolized."

Could you elaborate? Maybe give an example to help me understand?

[KayLR]

The meeting I attended was many years ago, so things may have changed. I was only a visitor, but clearly remember the recitation of some kind of pledge or unison declaration at the beginning of the meeting. (I've tried to look it up to see if it is still in use or available somewhere online, but couldn't find it---so maybe it was only used here locally). The gist of it was "this is what I am, this is what I do, I cannot ever forget how weak, helpless and pathetic I am."

I hope it's changed. Truthfully, that is the gist of what they recited and I left and vowed never to go back.