Overeaters' Anonymous

[Ultralight]

Well, that is the central question, isn't it? A lot depends on how easy they are for you to avoid. Pizza and buffets are loaded with carbs, particularly the more processed ones because they're cheap. You can avoid them, but you may be better off knowing just what it is that triggers you. Is it the highly-processed carbs? The sodium level? The fact that these foods are eaten outside the home? Figure that out and you'll have a better idea of just what to avoid.

I would say these things trigger the heck out of me:
-Pizza
-Chips & salsa
-Almost any kind of buffet
-Milk & honey together (strange in a way, but also kind of makes sense; if I include oatmeal it does not seem to trigger me)
-White breads
-Particle meat (burgers, sausages, etc.)

[Tybee]

I have a temporary sponsor.

Way to go! That is not easy to do, so congratulations and well done!

[SteveinMN]

I am progressing into the OA program. I have an appointment sent up with my health coach. I have not been in a restaurant in over a week. I have not been to a restaurant alone in well over a week. I am cooking simple, healthy meals at home that include veggies and all manner of real, whole foods. Nothing heavily processed.

What will fill this void in my identity that Foodie so powerfully took up? Do I need to fill it? Can I fill it? What would be good -- truly good -- to fill it with?

You still can be a Foodie, just with a different perspective. There's no need to fill that void with something else if you don't want to.

As I mentioned in an earlier post on this thread, I used to be Mr. Restaurant as well. That part of my being a Foodie faded away in the face of the income reduction we accepted when I left Corporate America. But I still was a Foodie: I enjoy eating food, I enjoy preparing food, I enjoy reading about food and restaurants,... I just didn't get to restaurants as often. I relied on the opinions of others I respected to winnow out the best places to go for Hmong food or Brussels sprouts dishes or for people who wanted a work get-together in a private room at a restaurant which could satisfy a variety of (picky) eaters without resembling Golden Corral. That works; DW and a friend of ours were out of town a couple of weeks ago and took a tip from a Foodie blogger I know who recommended an ethnic restaurant for a cuisine no one would expect in a city no one would suspect. It was great food and won two new converts to the cuisine without me giving the place a test run first.

You can now be Mr. Ingredients or Mr. Cook At Home Without A Big Kitchen. All that money you were spending on eating out can be spent on better or more unusual ingredients or better tools. There's no reason you cannot cook Ethiopian food at home. If you're not gorging on burgers or sausages, you can spend that money on better muscle cuts or fresh fish. You can try "boutique" vegetables to see if you'll like them. You can make your own bread (you really don't need much to do that). You can create your niche how to make food from your favorite cuisine (or in the style of your favorite cuisine) with whole foods or limited space -- what are the shortcuts that help you make food that's good for you and not too complicated/messy to make?

It took me several months to completely get over the loss of being a total Foodie brought on by my diagnosis of diabetes. But I'm finally perusing cooking magazines and Web sites for new recipes, thinking about how I can adapt them to meet a ketogenic eating plan. Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes it requires multiple whacks at a recipe, tweaking it each time. But I'm a Foodie. I enjoy eating food, I enjoy preparing food, and I enjoy reading about food. What I can eat is more restricted, but I've always enjoyed the challenge of cooking for guests with dietary restrictions, so I should value myself at least as much as I value guests, in this regard. You can find your niche, too.

I would say these things trigger the heck out of me:
-Pizza
-Chips & salsa
-Almost any kind of buffet
-Milk & honey together (strange in a way, but also kind of makes sense; if I include oatmeal it does not seem to trigger me)
-White breads
-Particle meat (burgers, sausages, etc.)

Well, except for the particle meat, everything you mentioned has a fair amount of carbohydrates in them, in particular white wheat flour (at buffets it's in the noodles/pasta/dumplings/rice, batters, and gravies/sauces). Are there foods made of white wheat flour which are not triggers? The particle meat trigger is interesting to me for its specificity. Is it the texture or the fat content (both burgers and sausages being higher in fat than muscle cuts)? Are they triggers if you eat them without a bun (that darned old white wheat again)?

[JaneV2.0]

I couldn't agree more, Steve. I've eaten low carb in all kinds of places serving all kinds of cuisines. Low carb and Keto cookbooks abound, if that's one's style of eating. I'm with you--I've got taste buds, and I like food, and I've been able to reconcile that with whatever other constraints I'm imposing on myself.

[Oddball]

Congrats on becoming ready and willing to change. That is the hardest and most important step.

You don't need a new identity. The one you needed to shed was false to begin with. Don't pick up another false one.

There's a difference between how you are and who you are. How you are can change. Who you are never changes.

Don't sweat the religiosity either. It's all just symbolism. If you don't need that, don't use it. Use reality instead.

Some good, mostly secular reading on this: "The Untethered Soul" (except the last chapter) by Michael Singer. Also "Full Catastrophe Living" and/or "Wherever You Go, There You Are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

[rosarugosa]

Congrats on becoming ready and willing to change. That is the hardest and most important step.

You don't need a new identity. The one you needed to shed was false to begin with. Don't pick up another false one.

There's a difference between how you are and who you are. How you are can change. Who you are never changes.

Don't sweat the religiosity either. It's all just symbolism. If you don't need that, don't use it. Use reality instead.

Some good, mostly secular reading on this: "The Untethered Soul" (except the last chapter) by Michael Singer. Also "Full Catastrophe Living" and/or "Wherever You Go, There You Are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Oddball: I like your comments on the difference between one's who and one's how. I remember how much I identified myself as a smoker, and how it was an adjustment to change that image of myself. In retrospect, I think that seems a bit sad and maybe bizarre, but it's true. It also turned out to be true that non-smoker me is a better version of me than the smoking edition. DH & I did kind of trade smoking for walking, so I do think there is validity to the notion of a hole to be filled.

[Oddball]

Hi, Rosa.

The filling of holes is an interesting thing. There are no holes in the true, most essential self. Only in the imagined self, which is the source, if not always the cause, of the original pain. When you realize there are no holes to fill, except in your awareness, you can start working from the inside instead of the outside. This "inside" is the true higher power represented in the symbolism of 12 Steps.

This symbolism is helpful to many people in the early stages of change. Eventually, though, you must go inward. Running, walking, making art, volunteering, writing -- these are all great and even therapeutic pursuits, but they are external and therefore not who we are. They are merely what we do, which is just as mutable as how we are. They are not part of our essential selves.

Until you realize and accept that you are already and permanently enough, without feeling the need to identify yourself by your accomplishments, you cannot heal fully.

Another great writer on this topic is Eckhart Tolle. He might seem cultish under all the spotlights of Oprah, etc., but if you cover up his name and the marketing lingo on the covers of his books and just read the words, they are deeply true and basically boil down to this.

[Geila]

Oddhat - When I tried OA years ago, I was really put off by a few things: the use of the Higher Power which was presented as an external (rather than internal) source of strength, the constant refrain that overeating was a moral failure, and the constant self-abuse language when someone failed their HP and overate. I believe that overeating is a symptom, not the cause. A coping mechanism if you will. Also, I'm pretty sure there is a chemical component to it, i.e, a person who is low on serotonin/dopamine/whatever receives a chemical boost from food that temporarily fills them up with the needed brain chemicals. Nothing to be ashamed of. But there was lots of shame at the meetings I attended.

Anyway, I'd like to find a way to reconcile those bothersome things and give it another chance. When you mentioned symbolism versus reality, it made me think that maybe I can do that. Would you be willing to help me? If I can find a way to reconcile these things that bother me, maybe in time the community can be a source of support and growth.

[JaneV2.0]

I'm convinced that most of what we consider eating maladaptations are physiological, rather than psychological, in origin.
I've never been a fan of the twelve-step approach, for many reasons.

[KayLR]

Oddhat - When I tried OA years ago, I was really put off by a few things: the use of the Higher Power which was presented as an external (rather than internal) source of strength, the constant refrain that overeating was a moral failure, and the constant self-abuse language when someone failed their HP and overate. .... But there was lots of shame at the meetings I attended.

I attended one, and one only, OA meeting. THAT was the deal-breaker for me, the self-abuse language, of how bad and disgusting I am. Good grief, how are people supposed to work through that?