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Thread: Overeaters' Anonymous

  1. #11
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    I’m really proud of you.

    different struggle, but I do understand the journey.

    know that you are much more than the food guy.

    Knowing you here, I don’t know you as a food guy at all. You love Harlan, you travel, you focus on minimalism in your life, you like to challenge yourself and try new things...

    and do I believe you can do this.
    Thank you. I appreciate that.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbgeek View Post
    Agreed. Labels and putting people and yourself in discrete predictable boxes can be limiting and confining. You are more than any one label.
    I know that I am other things -- fisherman, book reader, rescue dog enthusiast, etc. But Foodie is a big one -- I mean huge. So that is why it feels like this addiction is pummeling my identity.

  3. #13
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    The thing I am realizing is that I am going to have to profoundly change my identity.

    I can't be a big foodie anymore. Everyone comes to me for advice on where to get the best Somali food or the best momo or where a great Indonesian food truck is going to be parked, etc.

    I can't be the food guide anymore, I don't think.
    I could have written this. When I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes last year, I decided to address it with diet and exercise (not medication). Going low-carbohydrate/high-fat has helped me lose more than 50 pounds and has kept my blood glucose ultra-stable at non-diabetic levels without a drop of injected insulin or any of the drugs (and side effects) millions of others manage to combat high blood sugar.

    But having to essentially eliminate grains, starchy vegetables, fruit, and sugar in foods did a number on me emotionally. For years, like you, I was the restaurant go-to guy. Friends knew that I'd already been to that new place before the reviews started hitting the local news and foodie Web sites. I'd cut back on that some when I left My Day Job (financial reasons, plus I was home to cook more) but I still went and people still asked.

    For a few months after my diagnosis, I did almost no cooking because I wasn't interested in spending any time making food I could not eat. Just put in front of me what I could eat and I was good; I didn't want to think about that much. The kitchen full of pans and nice knives and appliances -- acquired over decades -- and the stocked pantry just sat while I fried eggs and bacon every morning and popped open bags of salad mix for lunch. I did feel a little guilty about that since I'm not the only person in this house, but DW is nowhere near as food-driven as I was/am so she minded far less.

    Like you, some condition I had forced a change in my perspective on food. It was a big loss -- I love food (still do) and I love to cook (more than you do, I think). But I also love my wife and my grandkids and retirement and doing this gives me more of all of those. We all have things or people we want to have more of in our lives, so if racheting back on being a foodie is the price, well, it will take time to adjust, but it's worth the time.

    I still like to go to restaurants, though I scout the menus ahead of time to see if there's even a choice of foods on my eating plan. If there isn't, there are plenty of other restaurants around to try. I still read up on them and talk with people about them, so even if I'm not a candidate for eating there, I still know the consensus on who makes the best doro wat in town. I am cooking again. Breakfast and lunch are almost always the same thing (that was an adjustment!) because it's easy and it doesn't take much energy to put them together. But I'm back to collecting recipes for and preparing dinners I can eat. I'm back to experimenting (can I make cauliflower rice suitable for sushi?). DW has been pretty game about eating what I'm eating and supplementing her carbs her way, and I'm fine with that. It does not bother me to see people eating foods I can't. And I always can take a taste if I'm really interested. (Coffee-flavored cotton candy? I'll try it. The ordinary-looking hash browns at that new breakfast place? No, thanks.)

    I still look longingly at some menus and some recipes. There still are times I wish I could address food, unencumbered. But I can say without doubt that I'm healthier for stepping back. I can still use the good knives but now they're portioning nicer cuts of meat. The blender makes a great keto salad dressing. The pizza stone doesn't work quite as well for cauliflower-crust pizza, but it does work. I still got to stroll the new food hall before most people I know got to go. If you can find the reasons you want to address your food addiction, it will take time to reset, but it can be done and you'll be better for it, too.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  4. #14
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Having only been to a handful of meetings I will say this:

    I like:

    -The anarchistic organization; no real leader, no hierarchy
    -The community of support (my "higher power")
    -The honesty
    -The anonymity
    -The use of a timer to keep the meeting moving
    -The rather surprising amount of acceptance (I said I was struggling with this higher power stuff because I am not religious at all; then I figured "well, this is where I get alienated"; then someone came up to be afterward and said: "Don't worry, the group itself can be your higher power.")
    -It helps me to be more accepting and to really listen to people very different from myself

    I dislike:

    -The religiosity
    -The hand-holding at the closing prayer/chant
    -The term abstinence (I prefer the slang term "clean")
    -Having to say out loud that I am a compulsive overeater

  5. #15
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    I'm struggling with the same issue. There's hardly ever a time when I'm not hungry......even after I eat (even healthy food).
    I'm getting interested in that Leptin resistance thing. I know early life has a big impact on eating. It's hard to know if it's nature or nurture.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by SteveinMN View Post
    I could have written this. When I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes last year, I decided to address it with diet and exercise (not medication). Going low-carbohydrate/high-fat has helped me lose more than 50 pounds and has kept my blood glucose ultra-stable at non-diabetic levels without a drop of injected insulin or any of the drugs (and side effects) millions of others manage to combat high blood sugar.

    But having to essentially eliminate grains, starchy vegetables, fruit, and sugar in foods did a number on me emotionally. For years, like you, I was the restaurant go-to guy. Friends knew that I'd already been to that new place before the reviews started hitting the local news and foodie Web sites. I'd cut back on that some when I left My Day Job (financial reasons, plus I was home to cook more) but I still went and people still asked.

    For a few months after my diagnosis, I did almost no cooking because I wasn't interested in spending any time making food I could not eat. Just put in front of me what I could eat and I was good; I didn't want to think about that much. The kitchen full of pans and nice knives and appliances -- acquired over decades -- and the stocked pantry just sat while I fried eggs and bacon every morning and popped open bags of salad mix for lunch. I did feel a little guilty about that since I'm not the only person in this house, but DW is nowhere near as food-driven as I was/am so she minded far less.

    Like you, some condition I had forced a change in my perspective on food. It was a big loss -- I love food (still do) and I love to cook (more than you do, I think). But I also love my wife and my grandkids and retirement and doing this gives me more of all of those. We all have things or people we want to have more of in our lives, so if racheting back on being a foodie is the price, well, it will take time to adjust, but it's worth the time.

    I still like to go to restaurants, though I scout the menus ahead of time to see if there's even a choice of foods on my eating plan. If there isn't, there are plenty of other restaurants around to try. I still read up on them and talk with people about them, so even if I'm not a candidate for eating there, I still know the consensus on who makes the best doro wat in town. I am cooking again. Breakfast and lunch are almost always the same thing (that was an adjustment!) because it's easy and it doesn't take much energy to put them together. But I'm back to collecting recipes for and preparing dinners I can eat. I'm back to experimenting (can I make cauliflower rice suitable for sushi?). DW has been pretty game about eating what I'm eating and supplementing her carbs her way, and I'm fine with that. It does not bother me to see people eating foods I can't. And I always can take a taste if I'm really interested. (Coffee-flavored cotton candy? I'll try it. The ordinary-looking hash browns at that new breakfast place? No, thanks.)

    I still look longingly at some menus and some recipes. There still are times I wish I could address food, unencumbered. But I can say without doubt that I'm healthier for stepping back. I can still use the good knives but now they're portioning nicer cuts of meat. The blender makes a great keto salad dressing. The pizza stone doesn't work quite as well for cauliflower-crust pizza, but it does work. I still got to stroll the new food hall before most people I know got to go. If you can find the reasons you want to address your food addiction, it will take time to reset, but it can be done and you'll be better for it, too.

    Steve, thanks for sharing.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by CathyA View Post
    I'm struggling with the same issue. There's hardly ever a time when I'm not hungry......even after I eat (even healthy food).
    I'm getting interested in that Leptin resistance thing. I know early life has a big impact on eating. It's hard to know if it's nature or nurture.
    My mom and dad are clearly compulsive over-eaters and junk food junkies. So if there is a genetic component I am likely cursed with it. And it there is an environmental component I lived deep in that milieu as a child. I mean, when I was a kid I would drink 6 or more cans of Pepsi a day. Typical breakfast was a huge square of chocolate cake and a cold Pepsi.

  8. #18
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    UL, at your next meeting, suggest you ask for a temporary sponsor. Then you will have someone to call to talk to. I think that could be very important to your success in the program. They will have lots of experience with things like the impact of your childhood on your eating habits now. There is probably nothing awful that they have not heard, which will up your comfort level in the program. It's obvious that your childhood eating milieu was not "normal" and that is where a good program can really help you, as you have a shared context with your sponsor and the other members at the meeting. It's like al-anon--they will get it when you talk about the chocolate cake and pepsi for breakfast in a way that the rest of the world will not. They will also help you to avoid the trap of stopping there, at blaming your childhood for your current behaviors.

    12 step programs are great because they make us take personal responsibility for our behavior and our lives.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Sad Eyed Lady's Avatar
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    I am using one of the things Chicken Lady pointed out about you : "you focus on minimalism in your life". So, I am thinking that you could bring your minimalism outlook into the food area and focus on it in that way. Quality foods over quantity foods - such as all you can eat pizza.
    "Like a bird on the wire, like a drunk in the midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free." Leonard Cohen

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    UL, at your next meeting, suggest you ask for a temporary sponsor. Then you will have someone to call to talk to. I think that could be very important to your success in the program. They will have lots of experience with things like the impact of your childhood on your eating habits now. There is probably nothing awful that they have not heard, which will up your comfort level in the program. It's obvious that your childhood eating milieu was not "normal" and that is where a good program can really help you, as you have a shared context with your sponsor and the other members at the meeting. It's like al-anon--they will get it when you talk about the chocolate cake and pepsi for breakfast in a way that the rest of the world will not. They will also help you to avoid the trap of stopping there, at blaming your childhood for your current behaviors.

    12 step programs are great because they make us take personal responsibility for our behavior and our lives.
    I want to be selective about choosing a sponsor.

    But I agree I want to find a sponsor.

    I am not letting my childhood define me. I definitely think I can change.

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